rosie323

How can a someone that has been severely binge drinking for 5 years suddenly become a social drinker after just a few AA mtgs and a month of therapy???....My ex has been a binge drinker for several yrs, every week or two (at the max) would drink for 2-3 days straight. I forced him to go to AA, which he did 3 times and then to see this psycho-healer for a 3 day retreat. I left him after that, just didn't want the rollercoaster. But the last 2 months, he seems to be fine now. Looks much better, is now all into hiking, is going out and partying alot, but seems to be able to control himself. No more missing work because of drinking.

I saw him at a wedding on Sat and through the night he had about 5-6 drinks, he also smoked -since his tolerance is so high, the drinks didn't faze him. The next day he sent me photos of some hike he went on so I know he didn't go home and continue his drinking. How can this be? Was he not an alcoholic then? How can he now have drinks but stop at a certain point with really no support network in place?

Somethings have not changed though! He still seems emotionally totally disconnected, constantly only talks about himself, can't have more than a 5 min conversation with anyone before getting bored and moving to the next person. So still seems like he is searching for some form of happiness! Just don't get it!!

denny57

That's why it doesn't matter if the drinker is alcoholic or not - turn it around and ask is this the life I want/wanted for ME? What have you been doing for yourself while he's been going to meetings and therapy?

CE Girl

Pshaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww,,,,,

That's all I can say to that rosie!!!

Yup, for sure my XA had a knack for making things with him seem "rosie" (pardon the pun) whenever I choose to put some "boundary's" in place. And dang it, if he actually DIDN'T look better than when he was being STUPID with me!!!!

But then again, he ALWAYS cleaned up nicely,,,he,he,he

He was a liar when he was active, he continued to be one when he was "social".

Not my concern however. I found it made him crazier when I didn't CARE anymore, put myself first and STOPPED all contact,,,then he couldn't dance that particular dance with me anymore,,,

But hey,,thats just me,,I'm a hippie, we bounce,,,,,

Peace

irelandx7

An A's reality is not reality at all. My AH, "Oh, I had two beers" but to him two beers is 6 beers, and so on.

Nothing is the truth, nothing is real. That's why it's so confusing to be involved with one. UGH

IrishOrchid

You don't get it because you're not an alcoholic. And this is exactly why I go to alanon...my alcoholics don't change so I had to! Even the really sober ones (working a program and all) were nutty as coconuts. At least now I understand that I "get" to change or I can stay in my misery of watching them in their process of "pitiful incomprehensible demoralization". Change and meetings are the easier softer way for me to live my life. I hope you'll try some al-anon meetings. They may be able to help you get the focus off of your alcoholic and onto your own life.

WhatAboutME

They can't. But, an active A will do and say anything under the sun to convince you (and themselves) otherwise. If he's not ready to stop drinking, he's not ready to stop drinking and will say anything, regardless of how insane, to justify his actions. I stopped trying to "understand" the rationale and mindset of an alcoholic long ago. They are sick.