Lucy06

I went to 2 Alanon meetings and whilst I found them very helpful, they didn't quite correspond to what I need right now.
The way the meetings go is that each person reads a paragraph from an Alanon book and then comments on it by sharing relevant personal experience.
I would have liked to be able to ask questions/advices to the group, such as the questions we can ask on this SR forum.
Is this the way all Alanon meetings are? Could you describe for me how your own Alanon meetings are organised?
Thanks
Lucy

ICU

Hi Lucy,

I may not be the most enlightened on Alanon meetings as the last one I attended was over 2 years ago, but I will share my findings....

I too was looking for more of a 'discussion' type of scenario (like here)..."this is what I'm feeling, this is what I'm going through" kind of thing. Alanon meetings in my area, well, let's just say weren't abundant. I found I had landed in a more 'advanced' type of group and they told me I really belonged in more of a 'beginners' type meeting. That didn't work out too well as most times, me and 'one' other newbie were the only ones that showed up, (talk about the blind leading the blind) LOL!

I later learned I needed a whole other type of support group anyway, so, I think for me it all worked out in the end the way I needed it to.

I do know that there are different types of Alanon meetings...and each one I guess is handled a little differently.

I'm sure others will be along shortly to share their experience and perhaps give you better suggestions than I was able to.

eyes wide open

I have been going to Alanon for over 4yrs. Each group does run a little different. But most will stick to the topic that is up for discussion or if they are having a step meeting then it is on that. Some have new comers meetings, and maybe stay behind and talk to somebody. It takes a couple of meetings to get the whole idea, if you can try different meetings too. Hope this helps.

Mr. Christian

There are different types of meetings out there.
But when it comes to a question answer period it usually happens one on one.
I know they offer phone lists of members and you can call each other to talk.
A sponsor will also work with you one on one.

Keep going to the meetings and listen. You will get what you need.

steve11694

if u listen 2 the stories, u will hear ones just like urs, and u will not feel alone. you will hear how others cope with it.

you will make friends and after the meeting is the time to ask questions to members.

alanon is not instant gratification as is a drug/alcohol therapist chaired support group for families. call ur local rehab centers and see if there is a group like this.

i am a grateful alanon alumnus

BigSis

In my Alanon group we also do not have "cross-talk". Partly because we Alanons LOVE to tell others what to do and how to live their lives. Imagine being told something you did not want to do? Wouldn't you then question the credentials/authority of the one telling you?

By sharing ONLY our own experience, strength and hope; you are allowed to take what you like and leave the rest. Applying what you need to your own life AS you understand it.

There is too much to learn "all at once"; it does seem to work better to absorb the program in little bits.

I was told to "keep coming back". I thought that was sort of lame, but I felt so much better during that one hour, that I DID keep going back. It took a few weeks, but suddenly I started to "get it".

I wish you the best.

Selah

Agree...I've only gone twice. And my first two times I just felt like I was talking - at least getting it out - but really no one responded to what I was saying. Even when I broke out in tears. But hey maybe that's just what I needed. Although I do feel better during that hour, I do wish there was more Q&A or discussion, b/c when I leave I feel all alone again.

denny57

One of the greatest gifts I've received from Al-Anon is what I thought I needed and what I truly needed were two different things. I liken it to the drinker repeatedly trying the experiment of only 2 drinks. Admitting I did not know what I needed was a breakthrough for me.

IrishOrchid

Every meeting is a little different. The best advice is to keep trying different meetngs until you find a meeting that suits you best. For me, it took about 6 months to finally be comfortable (if you call not wanting to shout at the others in the group "comfortable"). Now all these years later, I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin so I can learn in a lot of different settings. In the meantime, at "beginner's meetings" you can ask questions (and get answers) but at most regular meetings you can just ask questions as Alanons have a thing about cross-talk i.e., people giving each other advice, commenting on each other's sharing, etc. But if you ask the question in your share, you can also give them permission to come up to you at the break or after the meeting and share their "experience, strength and hope". Mostly they won't (or shouldn't) tell you how to do anything specifically except to keep coming back. Lots of luck to you and keep trying. My experience is that it's a very lonely & frustrating time without my meetings, especially when I am dealing with the family disease of alcoholism (both of my parents, most of my sibs, nearly every boyfriend I've had). So I keep going, no matter what.

Lucy06

Thanks a lot everyone. All your inputs are very helpful. It's true that what I was initially looking for is not necessarily what I need right now. So I'll keep going back. I was too chicken to talk in these 2 meetings. I am not used to tell people about this alcohol issue. next time I will do it. Get it all out of my chest....
Lucy

Buffalo66

They reccommend that you go to at least 6 meetings before choosing to stop. I have been to more than 6...And I am getting the drift. There is a lot of listening that goes on. Part of it is to learn from the others, not to talk so much about your own life right away.It seems crazy, but it has been invaluable for me...I was like you at first.

Spiritual Seeker

it is rec at least 6 mtg.before you make a decision it is not for you or it
I went to a mtg like you described in NJ sev. times and don't get as much out of it as my home group in CA where it is a "SHARE" mtg. where someone leads for 10 min about whatever they want and then the mtg is open to discussion. Then we stay after the formal mtg and talk /ask quest. among ourselves. The biggie for me is the 3 BESTEST friends I have made in the last 4 yrs that became close quickly due to getting to know ea other on a honest level in the mtg. We talk and hang out and can share our common struggles and strengths. Try diff mtgs. til you find one that is most comfortable.

Selah

Good news, I went to my third naranon meeting yesterday - I tried a new location(the first two were alanon) and it's finally the one for me. I felt I truley related to these people - it was very relevant and very conversational - where no one seem to be holding back. Woohoo!