bugsworth

I have had dozens of wake up calls...hundreds if you count the voice in my head day after day! It still boggles my mind how I ignored them time and time again. It wasn't enough to wake up daily sick to my stomach, head pounding and heart racing....my God what did I do last night???? It wasn't enough when I started experiencing blackouts frequently.....at the end nightly. It wasn't enough when my son started looking at me like I was...well... a drunk! It wasn't enough when I wrapped my bronco around a telephone pole, it wasn't enough that I started lying to everyone who loved me, it wasn't enough that I started to loath my own image in the mirror, it wasn't enough....UNTIL I knew in my heart...I was going to die...I became so reckless and so despondent that I no longer cared if I lived or died. I was as scared as only the dying can be....In a moment of clarity I knew I had to try or die trying. That was 3 months ago....sometimes feels like 3 years lol, but I am here...alive...sober and moving forward. I still struggle, suppose I always will, but I remember to be grateful for all the pain that God has spared me...my wake up calls were mild in comparison to some...they are my YETS if I ever pick up again.

Have a great sober day all!!

eebyak

Hello All. I have known for a few years about my drinking problem. I have told myself it would stop, but it has not.
I lost my best friend and husband four years ago. No drinking at that time. But after starting into a new relationship, I found myself drinking when I was with my new partner. I realize now, that I was drinking to make myself forget my husband. Which of course did not work.
So that relationship ended and the drinking escalated. I realize that I cannot start any new relationships successfully as long as I am drinking.
I have begun excersising and cooking to fill in time. I volunteer and do keep busy. But suddenly I will find myself alone and in such pain.
That is when I drink till I cannot remember what happens, or when I went to bed. What I may have said to friends on the phone, I do not know.
Yesterday, a friend who cares about me, said that they were very concerned about the drinking and did not understand why I was drinking so much.
This is my true wake up call. Someone who cares about me is asking me the hard cruel questions, and I am having to try to come up with the true answers, not the feeble excuses I have used in the recent past.
I want to be happy and healthy.
I want to be the sweet wonderful woman I was.
Time is running out. I feel like I have been freshly cut and am bleeding.
Today I will clean out my husbands clothes and kiss them good bye.
I will cry until I can't breathe, and realize that it is alright to be sad.
Please God, take me under your wing and save my life before it is to late.

Missymae737

Hi Bugsworth,

Oh yes, I can so relate. I would drink only to pass out during the day and night...What a miserable existence...I was truly knocking on deaths door with no where to go except recovery...I am so grateful to be on this path...

Keep posting...

Welcome eebyak,

So glad you found us, keep posting..,

Rowan

Well done on your sober time, bugsworth, a day at a time. I'm so glad you are here with us to celebrate.

Eebyak, welcome to our recovery family. Please feel free to start a thread introducing yourself. Many here understand what it's like to give up the drink, and how difficult that can be.

Rowan

GrouchoTheCat

Welcome to SR eebyak and bugsworth!

I am glad you are both here. The vicious cycle of alcoholism is painful and powerful.

It truly takes a moment of clarity to be able to see it's wreakage, and so to find the courage to stop the insanity.

There are many good people here who can help.

Ted

CarolD

Hi Everyone...
Here is a link full of information
from the book that convinced me to qit.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Welcome eebyak and ugsworth

Captain Kirk

That's nice you have people who care for you.
Personally nobody's ever appeared to care about my drinking, as long as I wasn't causing them any harm or disturbing them in any way.
While I was drinking I would have always liked somebody to ask me just what I thought I was doing with my life. I probably would have been in no condition to give them an honest answer, but it would have been something which I think would have done me good. I'm the kind of person that needs a good kick in the ass to get me to start doing something.
On a few occasions (that I can remember) I'd tried explaining to people (the wrong kind of people that is. Usually bar tenders and fellow drunks) that I was an alcoholic and why I was drinking. They'd just look at me as if I were mad!
You're very fortunate that you have people nearby to support you.
Having said that I consider myself lucky too, if I hadn't of botthered taking a good look around here and signing up to this forum I'd still be drinking now.
I know it's still early days for me, but I feel very optamistic (even though today I'm really miserable due to my present life circumstances). I believe with the support of the wonderful people on here this time I'm really going to be able to get fixed.
Good luck. You can do it!

nogard

Welcome to SR both of you