mcerra16

Mike in the ACOA section suggested I post this here as well. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

My alcoholic mom and I live together but I am not living WITH her. The distinction being we each pay half of everything- more of a roommate situation.

With that said, my mom was laid off in March and has not found a job to date. She is very well educated, always performs well in her jobs and at work is ALWAYS sober. She has been on several interviews but has not been hired yet. She suffers from depression and the 6 months of unemployment have sent her into a tailspin of drinking and sleeping.

Due to the unemployment, she has recently run out of money. I paid half of her rent in August and all of it in September. After a recent drinking episode, I told her I would no longer help her with bills but honestly when I think about that it isn't possible. If all of rent doesn't get paid, I am in trouble as well.

Ideas, thoughts, etc? I am actually buying a place of my own within the next 6 months but until then I am not sure how to handle this...

Viki

That's a tough situation because it is your Mom. Have you mentioned to her that the drinking is a problem? Does she have a SO in the picture and do you have siblings that could be of some help? i would definitely point out the drinking to her and offer to help her quit so that both of you will have a place to live.....Viki

mcerra16

Thanks for the response! She knows her drinking is a problem and has admitted it for the past 5 years (it all started my sophomore year of college). Unfortunately she can't seem to make herself get out of the cycle. She tries to attend AA every day and usually does very well for 3 weeks and then very poorly for a week. She also sees a therapist twice a week who fortunately is not charging my mom.

My parents have been divorced since I was 3 and there is no SO. I have one younger brother who is 22. He does a much better job of detaching than I do but he also owes her money and has been paying her back slowly which helps some.

Unfortunately I feel her drinking is just getting worse which she will admit when she is sober.

prodigal

This stinks, but there is absolutely nothing you can do that will make her get sober. She's tossing you a bone of hope now and then. She's also trying to get sober, while probably holding onto the mistaken belief that she can knuckle under and get control of her drinking by herself. A lot of A's entertain the thought that they can drink like us non-addicts. They'll spend years trying to convince themselves of this. Sadly, many end up convincing themselves right into the grave. It's a tragedy and one we cannot stop.

I assume you are paying the rent because your name is on the lease, and if you default on the rent you would be faced with eviction. However, if you are not on the lease, you don't have to continue to pay rent. I don't know the specifics, but I'd appreciate it if you clarify it for me. The reason I'm asking is because if you are NOT on the lease, cutting your ties with your mom for the time being and finding another roommate and place to live would make her face her responsibilities and (hopefully) addiction.

Sometimes we have to leave the A's in our lives to face the consequences of their actions in order for them to seek sobriety. Like I said, if your name is on the lease, then you are obligated to pay the rent. If you are on a month-to-month lease, perhaps you should start looking for other living arrangements.

At least your mom recognizes to some extent that she has a problem. Unfortunately, we often find we have to move out of the addict's way in order for them to hit bottom and face what they need to do for themselves.

mcerra16

You assumed correctly, I am on the lease. Which at this point, is the SOLE reason I am paying her part of the rent.

We are month to month fortunately but unfortunately, trying to find a another place to live is difficult for me. I have two large dogs which often are not welcome in rentals. I am looking but hopefully can buy soon instead.

I appreciate your thoughts!