Made the first step...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ky
Posts: 4
Made the first step...
I haven't posted in a while due to some health problems & personal issues but I had to post tonight and say... I made the first step in getting MY life back the way I want it. For the first time I told my fiance NO when it came to money. I am very proud of myself. I got paid today and of course he needed money. He has been weaning himself off the oxy's but I was afraid to give him even $10 because who knows what he would've done with it. I have taken steps to have my checks, bank statements & anything financial sent to another address of someone I can trust with my life (my Grandmother).
I have been reading up on co-dependency and enabling. I am a classic. But I decided it is time to stop. We are in a financial mess because I couldn't say no before. I am now though. I hate to lie about ANYTHING but as most of you know, sometimes you have to so the bills can be paid.
He has been doing really well though. I have my hope but again, I am protecting myself. Financially as well as emotionally, the best I can anyway.
One of the hardest things about dealing with his drug abuse is that I don't have anyone to talk to about it. No-one in either of our families know. Well, the ones in his family that do know are like his so-called friends, they don't see anything wrong with it. I am looking for a local support group though.
I have been reading up on co-dependency and enabling. I am a classic. But I decided it is time to stop. We are in a financial mess because I couldn't say no before. I am now though. I hate to lie about ANYTHING but as most of you know, sometimes you have to so the bills can be paid.
He has been doing really well though. I have my hope but again, I am protecting myself. Financially as well as emotionally, the best I can anyway.
One of the hardest things about dealing with his drug abuse is that I don't have anyone to talk to about it. No-one in either of our families know. Well, the ones in his family that do know are like his so-called friends, they don't see anything wrong with it. I am looking for a local support group though.
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
Hooray for you. Taking that first step in getting your life back is huge. I'm smiling
as I read your positive hopeful words. You're on your way ((new 2 it all)) to a new and better way of life. Protecting yourself and looking for a local support group is taking good care of you. You've been honest with yourself about enabling and I promise as you keep keeping on in recovery, your growth will amaze you.
Alanon, Naranon and Coda are all support groups for codies.
I found my own spiritual, emotional, renewal in Alanon. Alanon's been a life saver for
me. Keep posting. You can come here any time to talk. This is a safe place. We care and understand.
Hugs
as I read your positive hopeful words. You're on your way ((new 2 it all)) to a new and better way of life. Protecting yourself and looking for a local support group is taking good care of you. You've been honest with yourself about enabling and I promise as you keep keeping on in recovery, your growth will amaze you.
Alanon, Naranon and Coda are all support groups for codies.
I found my own spiritual, emotional, renewal in Alanon. Alanon's been a life saver for
me. Keep posting. You can come here any time to talk. This is a safe place. We care and understand.
Hugs
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Face to Face meetings can be good. You have to focus on what other people are saying and think how you can apply some of that in YOUR life and when you speak you have to think about how you ahve improved or the work you need to do in the topic area. I think it is a great program.
Protecting yourself financially is KEY. I did because there was an element of mistrust with XABF. He had no credit and would get money and instead of paying his bills (he has liens on him from two landlords to the IRS and State Taxation and Finanace). He couldn't borrow enough money for bus fare for two blocks! I had everything in my name.
This served me very well when he moved out.
Take care of YOU is the first order of business.
Protecting yourself financially is KEY. I did because there was an element of mistrust with XABF. He had no credit and would get money and instead of paying his bills (he has liens on him from two landlords to the IRS and State Taxation and Finanace). He couldn't borrow enough money for bus fare for two blocks! I had everything in my name.
This served me very well when he moved out.
Take care of YOU is the first order of business.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Good for you! You should be proud...Saying no is hard at first, but it gets easier as we practice taking care of ourselves. I'm so glad you are protecting yourself financially. Meetings do help tremendously, especially if you have no one to talk to face to face. People who have walked this journey understand. I hope you are feeling better. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Edmonton, AB
Posts: 42
Good for you. My AH has no ability to deal with $$ in his pocket. So I took total control of our financial situation the other day. He had to agree with it to sign everything over at the bank but he did it. He's not happy about it most hours of the day but I think he'll come around when the fog lifts.
You need to protect yourself financially. How can we be strong for ourselves and find the ability to be strong for them too. Don't get me wrong I don't want to sound like you have to do things for them. Sometimes they need to go to a meeting and really just want some company to come with them because it's one they've never been to before. You have to have energy for that. I don't know about you but I don't have much energy for anything if all I'm thinking about is do I have enough money to pay the morgage? Is there money for food once the bills are paid? Ect.
Today I know there is money for all that, and what a huge weight off my shoulders. Keep strong and keep saying NO when he's looking for money. I sure I will be saying it alot.
(((hugs)))
You need to protect yourself financially. How can we be strong for ourselves and find the ability to be strong for them too. Don't get me wrong I don't want to sound like you have to do things for them. Sometimes they need to go to a meeting and really just want some company to come with them because it's one they've never been to before. You have to have energy for that. I don't know about you but I don't have much energy for anything if all I'm thinking about is do I have enough money to pay the morgage? Is there money for food once the bills are paid? Ect.
Today I know there is money for all that, and what a huge weight off my shoulders. Keep strong and keep saying NO when he's looking for money. I sure I will be saying it alot.
(((hugs)))
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
New2itall,
Welcome to SR.
And you've now got a whole family here with whom you can talk about this.
And please find and Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting near you and attend. That's your face to face support group right there. I don't know what I would have done without mine.
Hope to see you around some more.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Welcome to SR.
And you've now got a whole family here with whom you can talk about this.
And please find and Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting near you and attend. That's your face to face support group right there. I don't know what I would have done without mine.
Hope to see you around some more.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
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