My Son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
My Son
Hi everybody!! I know I just kinda pop in here once in awhile....I should say "hi" more often, I know. It's just really good to know that you are all here and we're all doing this together.
My Son's drinking is getting worse. He's 28. He's lost his girlfriend, his job and his apartment. What's worse, is my ex (his Dad) is drinking heavily with him.
To back up....Christmas Day 2005, my son's uncle and ex's younger brother, overdosed on heroin and cocaine. 6 months later, his mom (my son's grandmother) passed away from the heartache.
Since then, my ex and son have been drinking their pain away.....so they think. My ex's dad was an A, but not until his late 40's. My ex will be 50 tomorrow. I see a scary pattern here.
I can't say anything to my ex about it.....he shuts me out and tells both my son and daughter "Oh, your mom is just b**tchin' again at me. She's crazy".
My 26yr old daughter is a recording artist in NYC and doesn't drink alot, but lives in the fast lane, her boyfriend is a well known rocker. She was home this last week and I saw her once.
My kids do not want to call me, come over to my house because they feel "uncomfortable" around me. I'm a RA of 13 yrs and don't do drugs, booze, anything. Because of that, I'm not "fun" to be around because I don't party with them. Plus, they're afraid I'll say something to them about their drinking/partying.
I know that I did not cause it, I cannot sure it and I cannot control it. But, I'm scared to death for my son, especially. And, their dad. My ex's A Dad died early because of the drinking. If my ex were to die now, my kids would be devastated. He's their "best friend".
So, I'm watching the downfall and not being able to say a word. It's frustrating, but I know that I can't make any of them do anything they don't want to do.
I need some encouragement and some reminders of how to stop this worrying.
Thank you SO much! and it's good to "see" all of you.
(((hugs)))
My Son's drinking is getting worse. He's 28. He's lost his girlfriend, his job and his apartment. What's worse, is my ex (his Dad) is drinking heavily with him.
To back up....Christmas Day 2005, my son's uncle and ex's younger brother, overdosed on heroin and cocaine. 6 months later, his mom (my son's grandmother) passed away from the heartache.
Since then, my ex and son have been drinking their pain away.....so they think. My ex's dad was an A, but not until his late 40's. My ex will be 50 tomorrow. I see a scary pattern here.
I can't say anything to my ex about it.....he shuts me out and tells both my son and daughter "Oh, your mom is just b**tchin' again at me. She's crazy".
My 26yr old daughter is a recording artist in NYC and doesn't drink alot, but lives in the fast lane, her boyfriend is a well known rocker. She was home this last week and I saw her once.
My kids do not want to call me, come over to my house because they feel "uncomfortable" around me. I'm a RA of 13 yrs and don't do drugs, booze, anything. Because of that, I'm not "fun" to be around because I don't party with them. Plus, they're afraid I'll say something to them about their drinking/partying.
I know that I did not cause it, I cannot sure it and I cannot control it. But, I'm scared to death for my son, especially. And, their dad. My ex's A Dad died early because of the drinking. If my ex were to die now, my kids would be devastated. He's their "best friend".
So, I'm watching the downfall and not being able to say a word. It's frustrating, but I know that I can't make any of them do anything they don't want to do.
I need some encouragement and some reminders of how to stop this worrying.
Thank you SO much! and it's good to "see" all of you.
(((hugs)))
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Hi GF- There is special pain that only a mother knows - it's hard to know that they don't see you more because you live a clean life. Your son has suffered lots of losses - hopefully when and if he gets clean he will come to favor and admire you instead.
Your daughter may come around on her own. I didn't come back to my mother until my 30s.
Prayer helps. Keep pushing to be in their lives - send cards, call, etc. Never give up, GF. Never give them up totally even if you need to detach to live.
Hugs and love
Your daughter may come around on her own. I didn't come back to my mother until my 30s.
Prayer helps. Keep pushing to be in their lives - send cards, call, etc. Never give up, GF. Never give them up totally even if you need to detach to live.
Hugs and love
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Hi Girlfriend, and welcome back!
If I'm reading between the lines correctly, you sound kind of lonely as a result! That would be totally understandable (((Girlfriend))).
Could be that they view him as a 'best friend' for now, but maybe one day they'll realize something different.
Does a Mom 'ever' stop worrying about her kids, LOL?? I know that's not what you meant!
Since you already know you can't do anything about their situations and choices, it sounds like this is a good time to repeat the Serenity Prayer to yourself over and over again.
And, it's also a time to be gentle with yourself....do some things that nourish 'you' like Alanon/AA mtgs., getting together with friends whose company you very much do enjoy, getting your rest, eating right, going to a concert, walking in the park, etc., just because you deserve it! And that's all you can do, really.
Disclaimer: I am not a Mom, so bear that in mind, ok, LOL?
Originally Posted by Girlfriend 
My kids do not want to call me, come over to my house because they feel "uncomfortable" around me. I'm a RA of 13 yrs and don't do drugs, booze, anything. Because of that, I'm not "fun" to be around because I don't party with them. Plus, they're afraid I'll say something to them about their drinking/partying.
Originally Posted by Girlfriend
If my ex were to die now, my kids would be devastated. He's their "best friend".
Originally Posted by Girlfriend
So, I'm watching the downfall and not being able to say a word. It's frustrating, but I know that I can't make any of them do anything they don't want to do.
I need some encouragement and some reminders of how to stop this worrying.
I need some encouragement and some reminders of how to stop this worrying.
Since you already know you can't do anything about their situations and choices, it sounds like this is a good time to repeat the Serenity Prayer to yourself over and over again.
And, it's also a time to be gentle with yourself....do some things that nourish 'you' like Alanon/AA mtgs., getting together with friends whose company you very much do enjoy, getting your rest, eating right, going to a concert, walking in the park, etc., just because you deserve it! And that's all you can do, really.
Disclaimer: I am not a Mom, so bear that in mind, ok, LOL?
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
No, we never give up or stop worrying. What i had to do, was to accept who my son is right now, I am not going to change his thinking right now, I am not guilty, or ashamed. I did the best I could as a single mum and I gave him all he needed, love, food and a warm clean bed. It was his decision, not mine to become a drug addict, therefore, I am OK and living my life.
Maybe once I realized just because I was his mother, didnt mean I had to feel rotten about what he was doing. I mean, after all, would we put up with this nonsense from a neighbour or someone we dont know. No we wouldnt.
Maybe once I realized just because I was his mother, didnt mean I had to feel rotten about what he was doing. I mean, after all, would we put up with this nonsense from a neighbour or someone we dont know. No we wouldnt.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Aurora, CO
Posts: 68
I feel for you, being a mom myself. You want to do anything to protect your kids, and it burns when the shut you out, especially when you can foresee the destruction that may occur.
You know you can't change it or control it, but you can concentrate on you.
You know you can't change it or control it, but you can concentrate on you.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
If my thoughts go to these three subjects I know it is time to change my thinking:
Fear, Doubt or Worry. I call a friend, go for a walk, listen to music, etc. to stop my thinking from going to this place.
It takes what it takes for the addicts in our lives. Worrying only hurts us and robs us of our own joy & purpose. Focus on the things that make you happy no matter how small. What we put our attention on expands. So be careful where you put your atten.
As a mom of one myself, my heart goes out to you for peace of mind today.
Fear, Doubt or Worry. I call a friend, go for a walk, listen to music, etc. to stop my thinking from going to this place.
It takes what it takes for the addicts in our lives. Worrying only hurts us and robs us of our own joy & purpose. Focus on the things that make you happy no matter how small. What we put our attention on expands. So be careful where you put your atten.
As a mom of one myself, my heart goes out to you for peace of mind today.
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