dumberthenyou

Im looking for advice on what i should do in my situation. My wife and i met in AA almost 4 years ago. We both left AA around 3 years ago, and have been married for 2 years. We had a short period of drinking together, but for the past year and a half I have not been drinking, and when ever my wife drank I would explain to her how much i disliked it and asked her not to drink. It seemed to me that it was just off and on she would drink. Last week I found beer bottles in the laundry basket, I confronted her about it explained I understood why she was doing it and told her she needed to get help. Earlier this week i came home from work to a family dinner only to find my wife so intoxicated that she couldn't talk. After dinner I confronted her about it, she began to lie about what she had used/ drank. Knowing now that she is back using/ drinking I figured out that she has been hiding this for 2 months. She has repeatedly lied and hidden things from me in this relationship. I told her last night i was considering divorce, now she is begging me not to. I have told her in the past if she continued to lie I would leave, and now i have had all I can take. My question is what should I do, she is saying she will get help and never drink again... but has yet to take action towards recovery.

irelandx7

First of all, welcome.

I can only give advice as a person who married to an AH, not having been one myself. I wouldn't even try to discuss the problem while she is drinking. They don't even remember what was said, much less listen.

It's kind of ironic, but maybe go to Alanon? From AA to Alanon......She needs to do it for herself, which I'm sure you know all about that being in AA.

I hope you find a second home here, and get some great advice.

best

When we find ourself on the other side of the fence, we tend to forget who we were when we were drinking. Could others stop you or did you need make that choice for yourself?

You say that she isn't doing anything about recovery... well when we find ourself on this side of the fence (dealing with other who drink) we need seek recovery ourself.
Asking questions here is a good start. Get yourself to some Al Anon meetings would be a wise choice. The things we can learn at such meetings help "us" and when we help us, we become a better source of correct support for others.
You would be suprised at her reaction as you say... drink if you want...I am going to a meeting. Who knows, she may ask to come with you. Find out where and when they hold the Al Anon and the AA meetings, then get your own butt to some meetings. By example, show her the way.

CE Girl

Welcome to SR dumberthanyou,,,,,ok, I got to say it, NOONE can be "dumber than me?!?!?!" he,he,he,,,,

the good news is, you already are starting to "do" what you need to do in your situation. First step, posting on SR.

Have either of you tried alanon when you were active in AA?

I can't give you prespective from the "other side" and frankly in a way, your I'm a tad envious of your situation, being a recovering A. You at least have an understanding of the disease of alcoholism most of us codies ahve a hard time grasping. So, you know how she "feels".

Now, its about how YOU feel

Welcome to enabler and co dependancy 101,,,,

I'm sure you've heard these words before:

You did not cause it
You can not control it
You can not cure it

What you CAN do is begint o take care of YOU!!

Let go, let the spirits (hp)

Peace

leenymclaugh

Sounds like a good time for an Al-Anon meeting. As a previous post indicates, you yourself were where she is now and surely you're aware of the disease of alcoholism. IMHO, every AA could and would benefit from Al-Anon if they would attend.

I find that when I play in my own sandbox and leave my AH's sandbox alone, my life is much smoother.

My life and serenity, today, depend on me working my Al-Anon program...regardless of whether my AH is drinking or not...or in recovery or not.

Thanks for letting me share.

Hugs,
Eileen

sunshine321

As the others said, Al-Anon. You will learn about yourself in this situation. And she very well might decide she needs a meeting too.

Can I ask why you both quit going to AA meetings?

Jenny