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Does anyone else feel...

Old 09-12-2007, 05:33 AM
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Does anyone else feel...

sad that they will never be high again?

I know that probably sounds rediculous, but I kinda feel that way. Like the rest of my life is going to be boring as hell. I'm already bored and it's not even a week. I haven't laughed at anything since I quit because nothing is as funny. I can tell my husband already misses his drinking buddy too.

I never wanted to be like everybody else and that is what I've become. Some kind of dorky straight worker bee, jogging after work and making sure all the bills are on time.

I know some would say "get a hobby, take a class, go to a museum, blah blah blah" but if that were the solution that's how everyone would live and we'd all be happy and fulfilled.

the fact is I work 10+ hours a day, 5+ days a week, cook, eat, clean, bathe, water the garden, walk the dog, go to the store, shower, sleep, etc etc etc and I have no TIME for a hobby or other stuff. My hobby was drinking because I could do it while I was doing all the other stuff I HAD to do. Now I still HAVE to do these things, but they suck 1 million percent more!

Also I told my mom and sis about quitting and going to AA and all of a sudden they're so concerned and I have a problem and they want to psychoanalize my ass. When I was drunk all the time I was fine, it was all cool, now that I quit it's the end of the fing world. Just like when I quit smoking, they were like "oh so I guess we aren't allowed to smoke at your house anymore, what if it's cold, are we just supposed to freeze?" Now they're "so I guess now we can't have beer or wine at sunday dinner because you want to quit. I think you're just going to have to get over it"

And hubby who I lovelovelovelove keeps drinking. It's his right totally, I don't try to tell him what to do and gives me the smae courtesy, but damn it's hard watching him have a nice frosty beer after a long day while I drink fing ginger ale like some kind of 12 year old. I can smell it from across the room, I swear.

And everyone at AA smokes. I quit that crap 3 months ago and it's still tough to watch them all smoke away. Dammit I can't smoke, I can't drink, I can't do drugs, I can't eat, I hate this so much. I have no release now, I have nothing to look forward to at the end of the day.

Last edited by mrsmurph; 09-12-2007 at 05:58 AM. Reason: additions
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Old 09-12-2007, 05:39 AM
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I get you...but in the first days of sobriety you might feel like that..But in the future, sobriety will show you how feeling things in reality is so much better..A lot of people will come next....

keep posting, take care..!
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Old 09-12-2007, 05:55 AM
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Give it time, things improve for most who stay sober.
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Old 09-12-2007, 06:02 AM
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I think you have put accross the way I have been feeling perfectly. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts, I couldnt have expressed it so well.

I have also quit smoking - at the same time i quit drinking 5 weeks ago. I totally hear what you say about the smoking at AA. Everybody was chatting and lighting up outside and I just couldnt join in so I left.

I also hear you over your families reaction to quitting. Up until I admitted the problem I was just a bit of a boozer. Now I cant have a phone call that doesnt begin with `you havent drunk have you` etc etc.

I am trying to follow the advice I have been getting on here and listening to the members with longer recovery periods. They are all advising that these feelings will pass eventually. I really do hope so.

Keep tough and keep sober. We can work through this together.
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Old 09-12-2007, 06:22 AM
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Hi,

I think there is definitely a period of adjustment. For me, I drank for 3 years, but before that I was still numbing my emotions by keeping crazy-busy and worrying about everyone else. So, stopping drinking meant I had to deal with real emotions in a real world. And, that's what you're facing now. I don't consider my life to be borng because I am so grateful to be where I am. But, I understand what you mean. I think I needed to find meaning somewhere in my life and a purpose for being here on this earth. I did a lot of reading and "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav helped me to re-establish a spiritual connection.

Family and friends often don't understand and will sometimes express negativity at your choice, in order to justify their own drinking habits. But, at best, they don't understand how difficult it is.
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:03 AM
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Like the rest of my life is going to be boring as hell.
That is exactly how I felt when I got out of detox...... "What the hell am I going to do now if I don't drink?"

Well in detox they told me that if I wanted a chance to stay sober I needed to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor! The 90 meetings in 90 days sounded over whelming, I am married, have kids, and work full time, I told the guy at detox that I would go to AA but there was no way I could do that many meetings in that amount of time!!! He asked me to simply devote the same amount of time to going to meetings as I did to drinking which I did.

Guess what? I easily did 90 meetings in 90 days, I was not bored, I made a ton of new sober friends, I spent more REAL time with my family then I ever did when I was drinking!

The longer I was sober the more I came to realize that my life did not end when I quit drinking..... it actually had begun. My kids loved me sober and I found being involved in thier lifes was exciting because for several years my life had been revolving around booze.

Now since your husband is still drinking what I am going to say in regards to my wife may not apply here, but suddenly once I became sober my wife was interested in me and what I had to say, we started to do things together again, is everything all peaches and cream between my wife and I now? Heck no, she put up with my drunk butt for years, one year of sobriety is not going to erase the grief and shame I caused her, but things are getting a lot better.

I have friends out side of AA & my family now because I am not to drunk to drive or sitting at home drinking.

Early sobriety sucks in so many ways, one of the reasons it sucked for me was it took me over a month to realize that the fog was still lifting, the fog did not start to lift for me until I had been sober about 3 days and here it is a year later and just like the old timers told me, it is still lifting!!

To compare the fog I was in at one month sober versus 3 months sober is like night & day.

Trust me it does get better, as I have worked the steps and stayed sober I can honestly say today that I never want to be high again, reality is to good and problems are so much easier to deal with sober, of course being sober cuts way down on the problems.
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:12 AM
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Thanks Taz,

I just can't spend that much time away from home. We just got married in May. My first husband left me for another woman because I was always running around doing this or doing that and not taking care of or paying attention to him and I can't let that happen again. I learned that a successful relationship is not 50/50, it's 100/100 and if I'm not giving it my 100% I can't expect him to either.

I can't wait till I'm a year sober like you. I'm almost regretting quitting now, it was much easier for everybody when I was drunk as crazy as that sounds!
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:48 AM
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I understand totally how you feel. I am on day two of detox and I am as fogged over as I ever hope to be. I am full of regret and anxiety and I just want this to be over. But you know what? The only thing that will make it get better (so much better I expect) is staying sober. Abstinance is the key to the door of this prison. Good luck x
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:50 AM
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You too amelia. I wish you luck!
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:38 AM
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mrsmurph my marriage for all intents and purposes was over when I went into detox, as a matter of fact my wife was in the process of leaving me and taking the kids with her when I went into detox. She told me before I left and after I got out that me being sober may not be enough for her to stay.

Okay her is the shocker for some, but when I got out of detox I told my wife that I loved her and the kids, but I had to put my sobriety as my #1 priority in life because if I didn't what ever I put in front of my sobriety I was going to lose if I drank again.

She simply answered "We will see." Well here it is, almost a year later, I still have my sobriety as my #1 priority in my life, my marriage is getting better all the time, my wife is very happy with the new sober me.

My first husband left me for another woman because I was always running around doing this or doing that and not taking care of or paying attention to him and I can't let that happen again.
Can I take a wild guess and say that most of the running around doing this or doing that involved drinking?

Do you think if your drinking got worse that you might just start running around doing this or doing that again? Do you think your present husband would be happy about that? Where do you think both of you running around doing this or doing that as your drinking gets worse would lead?

I have lived some of the answers to these questions and have found that keeping my sobriety as the #1 thing in my life is the key to happiness for me.
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:50 AM
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Actually, no if you can beleive it. I was out running around going to college, going to the library, being with friends, etc. Granted I was drinking while I did these things. he just wanted me to be home drinking with him (also an alcoholic), and since i was busy he had plenty of time to find someone who would.
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Old 09-12-2007, 01:25 PM
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My husband and I were drinking buddies for 22 years and had the nerve to bring three children into that alcoholic chaos. I also worked, was active in the PTA, Cub Scout den mother, dancing classes for daughter, civic activities, etc. Plus, I kept a reasonably clean house and was a darned good cook (if I do say so myself).

He left me for a younger woman who had no kids or responsibilities and could spend all her time drinking with him. They moved in together...but, the irony is they quit drinking and started going to AA together. It took me two more years of drinking before I hit my own bottom.

And everyone at AA smokes. I quit that crap 3 months ago and it's still tough to watch them all smoke away. Dammit I can't smoke, I can't drink, I can't do drugs, I can't eat, I hate this so much. I have no release now, I have nothing to look forward to at the end of the day.
Sounds like "someone" is having themselves a little Pity Party...not surprising, since (if I remember correctly) you have maybe a week sober.

First of all...there are non-smoker meetings...but, you'll still have to make your way through the crowd of those smoking outside the meeting. It took me six years in AA before I was able to quit smoking, too. I never suggest that anyone try to quit more than one addiction at a time...we're only human.

I can understand you not wanting to "take time away" from your new husband. But, if you're miserable sober, how happy is he going to be and how much will he want to have you around spoiling his drinking. You really should find a few hours a week for AA. I didn't have time to be bored in early sobriety...and the more involved I became in AA, the more sober I became, and the more time I had to do sober things...like going back to school and earning that college degree I always dreamed of...making two trips to Europe (surprising how much money you can save not drinking/drugging).

How sad that you feel you have nothing to look forward to. Perhaps you should re-evaluate your life to this point...set some realistic goals...and, go for the gusto!
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Old 09-12-2007, 01:45 PM
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Hello,

It sounds like you have a lot of anger about GIVING up alcohol...I understand, I have been there...It is just not easy to admit that I was powerless over my consumption of alcohol...

Early sobriety is most challenging...It does get easier, you just need to keep trying...You can do this,

Keep posting....
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:36 PM
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i am so glad to know that someone else feels the same way that i do! it has been ten months for me and it feels like life is over, will i ever feel good again? thank you for sharing, sorry i don't have anything motivational like everyone else did to add...
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:57 PM
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Ok, so I lost Alcohol. Since then I haven't lost any friends, family, freedom, drivers license, jobs, self respect, etc... All of which I lost when I was drinking. Sounds like a fair trade.
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Old 09-12-2007, 09:04 PM
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mrsmurph...........You absolutely have somethingto look forward to at the end of t day....You are alive, you can remember what you did, No more hangovers or trying to hide the problem from those that disapproved. Your life is so much more valuable now.
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Old 09-12-2007, 09:09 PM
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Mrsmurph I completely understand where you are coming from! The few days here and there that I am totally sober pretty much suck. On the weekends when I have to clean up the house I get so much more done when I have a few shots, crank the radio and just clean. If I'm not drinking I just don't feel like doing anything productive.....I would rather sit and watch a movie or something. Kinda weird but alcohol makes everything more fun for me...makes me want to get more done...until I have that one drink that makes it too much, then I'm done! I guess I'm like an alcoholic roller coaster or something like that.

kinda reminds me of a song by the 90s punk band NOFX...lyrics go something like "It's funny how, nothing seems much fun anymore to me now that I quit the drink.
'Cause soberness, it might be what I need but, it's certainly not how I wanna be"
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Old 09-12-2007, 10:31 PM
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i hear you

I feel the same way sometimes, but you have to remember that these feelings are only temporary. Your body and mind are so accustomed to being intoxicated all the time that they forgot what "normal" feels like. It takes time to adjust to sobriety. This is the frustrating stage, and I wish I had some great words of advice, but I don't. You just have to tough it out and really look for that Higher Power. This would be a good time to seek the advice of someone who has been there/done that. Hang in there... you can do this!
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Old 09-12-2007, 11:26 PM
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I must echo the others sentiments. Very simply, you absolutely cannot feel normal after one week of sobriety, nor can you feel as good as you're going to feel in the near future. It's going to get easier, trust us on this. Stay strong, you're doing awesome!

And btw, there's a reason that the AA motto is ...
ONE
DAY
AT A
TIME!

When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by the sheer scale of 'a lifetime of sobriety', you have to STOP THINKING THAT. Focus on today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. You are gonna stay sober TODAY. That's really all you have to do, if you think about it. Cause ... it's kinda ... always today!
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Old 09-12-2007, 11:40 PM
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Mrsmurph I can relate Im day three sober but I have mangaed to be sober for 3 months before I relasped again and again and yes I had moments of thinking SH** what a boring dam life Ive got but I was slowly starting to realise there was more highs in just living and oh the waking up with a clear head was a huge bonus. Its still all new to me and Im off to my second meeting tonight so Im really want to be sucessful ..hey think what you can buy with your booze money lol me its lots more birds ( hens cockateils and bits and bobs for the computor!
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