dolphin wonder

My Boyfriend started messing with crack about a month ago. I need some help. He asked me tonight to help him. I just found out Sat. that he was smoking crack. I do not know what to do. I am a Christian lady. The biggest problem is my boyfriend works for my dad, and he is very much against drugs, and if he found out he would fire my boyfriend in a second no questions asked. I have known this guy his whole life due to the fact he is 3 yrs younger than I and my sister and his mom were high school friends. We have been together for almost 2 years. He smokes weed and is Bipolar. I do not smoke nothing nor do I drink. This is so hard on me. The weed usually does not bother me, b/c it helps his bipolar but now he is doing crack. I can not hardly even tell when he is high on crack. My boyfriend told me he loves me and wants to change and asked for my help. Now can neone tell me how I can help him?

SaTiT

He can start attending NA after work , if he really means it and want it.
He can look up NA or AA in your area and just start attending after work.
If he deem it necessary to check into a detox center, then he should
do so. Go to the doctor and get professional help instead of self medicating
himself.

No excuses, other than that , it's just a merry round.
There really nothing you can do to change him, he has to take steps.
He has to do it for himself first

you can also try looking into the friends and family section and reserch
on codependency. There's a fine line between surport and enabling.
This way you can seek surport for yourself.

I 'm sorry that you are going through it. please seek help for yourself.

parentrecovers

hello dolphin, nice to meet you. my daughter is an alcoholic/addict and i go to alanon meetings - they really help me understand and manage.

please know this about your boyfriend's crack use -

you didn't cause it
you can't cure it
you can't control it

you do have choices as far as how you allow it to affect you though.

keep posting! there's a friends and family forum here where you can meet a lot of people in your shoes.

blessings, k

dolphin wonder

Hey I am having a really tough time here. Friday night my boyfriend left from work did not come home all night and says he was ata friends getting drunk and high. Well he did not show up at my dad's for work At 8 am and my dad fired him. The house we live in my dad owns it and kicked him out of it. My dad dont know he is on crack though, he just thinks its weed. Well my dad told me that if I even talk to him he will kick me out of the house also and have nothing else to do with me. I am in love with this guy and I am so confused and do not know what to do.

Aysha

Hi Dolphin..Sorry you are going through this.
Crack is my DOC and I am just going to come out and put it all on the table for you.
If your BF is already choosing crack over you...work...a home...and so on.
Then you need to think about maybe moving on before he pulls you down with him.
There isnt anything in this world you can do to make someone get better.
They have to do it and want it themselves.
Unfortunately when it comes to addiction...LOVE DOES NOT CONQUER ALL.
I am going to tell you from an addict's point of view.
The drugs are 9 times out of 10 going to win over any and all other things in life.
You can offer your support and things like that. But I wouldnt jeopardize my own well being and get to involved if thats the path he wants to go.
I hope you look out for yourself and everything gets better for you.
I know how heartbreaking it can be to sit and watch someone you care about destroy themselves.

Anna

Hi dolphin,

I hope that your boyfriend seeks help for himself. Bipolar is a difficult disease but with medication, it can often be managed well. I hope that you take care of yourself and make a decision to do what is right for you.

dopelesshope

The Other woman is crack. There is nothing you can do to help him except not enable him or make it easier for him to use. Hold him accountable for his actions, and don't get caught up in manipulative behaviour that us addicts like to use so we dont have to face the problems we created.

Once again, the best thing you can do is be strong right now and don't make it easy on him. You almost have to view him as a run away train. GET OFF HIS PATH or he will hurt you, badly.

Your dad has done the right thing here. You need a support group like alanon to help you through this and you have to learn how to love without enabling.

I think if more people stood up to me in the begining of my addiction, I would of done a lot less damage.

Maybe get help and find someone to do an intervention. All his 'good' friends and family need to confront him and they may be able to stop a train wreck.

and keep posting, we are here to help.

Kellye C

You've gotten great advice and insight from those who have lived through it. If you have not done so already, go over to the Family & Friends Board and run all this past them. You will get lots of responses from people who have been exactly where you are.

My suggestion is to run, don't walk. Your dad did the right thing now it is your turn. Please do not be sucked into the thinking that you can change this, that you can love him out of this or that you can control this in anyway. You cannot.

What can you do? Take care of yourself. Don't jeopardize your living situation. Pray for this person that circumstances will allow him to seek help. Pray for strength to walk away and focus on you. You don't have to quit caring for this man but you need to focus on you.

It's not easy but if you are strong enough to do it perhaps it will help this person find his bottom and therefore seek a way out. As long as people are there for him to cling to and drag down there is no need for him to change.

Hugs,
Kellye C.