Buffalo66

I am all flustered. I have been going to Alanon, reading and posting on SR.

I feel like there is so much, 'just let go, and let god', and I feel so scared that it will just NEVER end. That he will always be on the phone line desperately trying to get through, desperately asking to come home, and shooting off his guns, while really just needing love and support. I am putting away my guns, going home. game over on my end.

We make boundaries, we have to be prepared to look out for us first, our kids, etc... We decide that we dont want this anymore, then set about trying to define what we DO want in our worlds...

We are supposed to not care about whether our boundaries and choices lead the A in our lives to follow suit, to want that health, to want us. I guess Im wondering; since I read everyday all these brave stories of walking away that mostly end the relationship/ the A is gone from their lives...Since I have a child with mine;

Are there any stories of a happy ending? Sort of happy ending? Did your walking away create a bottom situation for your A? Did they get help and come home?

Were you able to regenerate trust? regrow connections? Does it matter at all, since you have to learn to do it for your self anyway?

I am early in my recovery. I know I may seem annoying to those of you who are past this fear stage...but I am committed to creating a happier, brighter day, each day, for my son to wake up into. And truly eager for me to have GENUINE laughter again, and to feel free.

I guess I just wonder if miracles DO happen, and is there any chance that he will ever be there for himself?, our son? If not even a life with ME?

Thanks to everyone here, SR is a Godsend for me, I love all of you for your strength, wisdom, and hearts.

ICU

I can't speak for (or to) my ex so I don't really know what effect my leaving has had on him. But my 'unhappy ending' with him was my first step towards 'my happy beginning'.


Nope, you not annoying, not even in the least. We all have been in your shoes to one degree or another. We all had to start at the beginning too! In a sense, newbies are a wonderful gift to us who might be a little further down the road. It helps for us to see just how far we have come. It also gives us a chance to pay it forward out of gratitude for those that have helped us along our path of recovery.


Miracles do happen, and, there is always 'a chance' as long as one still breathes. But I have found I can make much better use my time to work on things that are within my control....miracles are not one of them (if that makes any sense).

It might be helpful to remember that things take time to change. I was rather impatient in the beginning...I wanted it and I wanted it NOW kind of thing. Patience is a virtue but it certainly wasn't one of mine, LOL!

I am also in the process of learning that if I'm meant to have it, it will happen in the right time, not necessarily 'my desired time'!

Good post Buffalo!

Barbara52

I know there are some who post here who can give you examples of the sort of success stories you are asking about. Hopefully some will see this and respond.

denny57

I believe the miracle did happen for me, even though I am divorcing. I know you are looking for another type of share, but I know how you feel. I did not want to end my marriage. I forbid my therapist to use the word "divorce" for months. I just kept working on me and today I am happier than I have been in years.

My suggestion would be to take the focus off of the one definition of happiness - his sobriety - and get busy living. If happiness is measured by the actions of another person I stand a very good chance of being disappointed - and I put a lot of pressure on another human being to be the source of my happiness.

It isn't easy at first, but try to live for today. ((()))

CE Girl

(((Buffalo))))))

Your post struck a still soft part in my core. I remember, like you, coming to these boards and asking the same question.

I finally figured out, I was just looking for the answer I wanted to hear

Each of our stories are similiar, so how come some make it, others don't.

Simple answer? Because we are ALL different. The dynamics personalized, the variables on different planes. Your talking relationships here, and individual people. Sometimes the dynamics work, sometimes they don't. It all depends on the individuals involved, their unique standards and beliefs, and the result of melding them into a "we".

Whew,,,,that was a mouthfull!!!

What it comes down to is what is right for YOU

Peace