Boundaries and Needs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Apex, NC
Posts: 13
Boundaries and Needs
Earlier this year by request of my AH I created the following list. It is a list of my expectations and needs. After I gave it to him he said that it was actually a trap that he set to get me back on his greivances. I replied that I actually found it therapeutic to write this all down and I appreciated his interest. He didn't expect that answer. lol. Anyway, here it is:
The most important need I have is listed under physical security. If steps are taken to improve outlook and behavior then most of the other needs should naturally follow.
w Physical Security
o Manage mood swings / Mental well-being
§ Anger control
· Stop suicide references
· Stop gun waving
· Stop alcohol induced rants and raves
§ Stop impulsive decision making
§ Stop blaming Snap-on for current behavior
o Physical well-being
§ Resolve issues with alcohol dependency
· Stop self-medicating and concealing root problem and symptoms
o Therapy / Counseling / AA meetings / Mentor for moral, physical and emotional support from people like yourself.
o Continue support system until we further discuss it’s merit
· Be properly evaluated for root problem and receive treatment
o Call and keep in touch after 3:30
§ Consistency in advising me of delays in arriving home
§ Consistency in advising me of friend visits.
o Continued dependability in handling home repair and upkeep issues
w Financial Security
o Job / Career
§ Understanding that personal sacrifice is required
· Homer bowling alley episode
o Had a job he hated
o Quit to work a less stressful job
o Returned to hated work to support family
o “Do it for her”
§ Take a higher paying job even if working conditions are rated fair and not good or best.
· More income per hour worked
· Greatest stride in removing debt
· Greatest stride in meeting Maddie’s educational needs (see attached)
§ Continue side work when considered necessary
· Preplan and coordinate nights and days to work with me
· More consistent time available outside of work
o Occasionally come home before dark for two nights instead of working until 8:00 one night so Maddie doesn’t have to wait a week to see you like last week
§ College fund
§ Retirement fund
o Other
§ Get the Child Credit Tax break.
§ Take advantage of every social program available to us whether public or private.
· Your past ability to be self reliant does not negate our hardship
· We need any financial assistance offered to us
w Emotional Security
o Time with Family
§ Weekly Family Day or Night
§ Vacation once a year
o No name calling or put-downs
§ Bitch
§ Lazy
§ What is your problem?
o Don’t correct me when I simplify things for Maddie, i.e.: “Actually,…”
o Stop using my addictions against me –don’t buy for me.
o No long term emotional blackmail
§ No holding out on hugs
§ No holding out on kisses
§ No holding out on conversation
§ No waiting for me to say “What did I do wrong this time?” “Obviously I did because you haven’t been nice to me for the last 4 days.”
o Understand without distrust that my day is filled with activities with Madeline.
o Snuggling without sex
§ Comfort
§ Acceptance without aggression
The most important need I have is listed under physical security. If steps are taken to improve outlook and behavior then most of the other needs should naturally follow.
w Physical Security
o Manage mood swings / Mental well-being
§ Anger control
· Stop suicide references
· Stop gun waving
· Stop alcohol induced rants and raves
§ Stop impulsive decision making
§ Stop blaming Snap-on for current behavior
o Physical well-being
§ Resolve issues with alcohol dependency
· Stop self-medicating and concealing root problem and symptoms
o Therapy / Counseling / AA meetings / Mentor for moral, physical and emotional support from people like yourself.
o Continue support system until we further discuss it’s merit
· Be properly evaluated for root problem and receive treatment
o Call and keep in touch after 3:30
§ Consistency in advising me of delays in arriving home
§ Consistency in advising me of friend visits.
o Continued dependability in handling home repair and upkeep issues
w Financial Security
o Job / Career
§ Understanding that personal sacrifice is required
· Homer bowling alley episode
o Had a job he hated
o Quit to work a less stressful job
o Returned to hated work to support family
o “Do it for her”
§ Take a higher paying job even if working conditions are rated fair and not good or best.
· More income per hour worked
· Greatest stride in removing debt
· Greatest stride in meeting Maddie’s educational needs (see attached)
§ Continue side work when considered necessary
· Preplan and coordinate nights and days to work with me
· More consistent time available outside of work
o Occasionally come home before dark for two nights instead of working until 8:00 one night so Maddie doesn’t have to wait a week to see you like last week
§ College fund
§ Retirement fund
o Other
§ Get the Child Credit Tax break.
§ Take advantage of every social program available to us whether public or private.
· Your past ability to be self reliant does not negate our hardship
· We need any financial assistance offered to us
w Emotional Security
o Time with Family
§ Weekly Family Day or Night
§ Vacation once a year
o No name calling or put-downs
§ Bitch
§ Lazy
§ What is your problem?
o Don’t correct me when I simplify things for Maddie, i.e.: “Actually,…”
o Stop using my addictions against me –don’t buy for me.
o No long term emotional blackmail
§ No holding out on hugs
§ No holding out on kisses
§ No holding out on conversation
§ No waiting for me to say “What did I do wrong this time?” “Obviously I did because you haven’t been nice to me for the last 4 days.”
o Understand without distrust that my day is filled with activities with Madeline.
o Snuggling without sex
§ Comfort
§ Acceptance without aggression
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