i'm sad
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
i'm sad
i don't want to whine and cry around but i hate this so much!!
the lawyer filed the divorce yesterday and now NOW reality is setting for ah and i guess for me too.
am i doing the right thing? i don't know!?!?
i was reading some of the other posts and they made me remember things i had forgotten. maybe i've been out of the environment too long and now my memory is clouding.
i'm scared i'm never going to be happy. i'm scared that something will happen to him and i won't be there to help him or prevent it.
i'm trying to stay super busy but there are still those moments when i'm alone that i get overwhelmed with sadness and...well, i miss him.
i still love him. i hope i'm doing the right thing.
the lawyer filed the divorce yesterday and now NOW reality is setting for ah and i guess for me too.
am i doing the right thing? i don't know!?!?
i was reading some of the other posts and they made me remember things i had forgotten. maybe i've been out of the environment too long and now my memory is clouding.
i'm scared i'm never going to be happy. i'm scared that something will happen to him and i won't be there to help him or prevent it.
i'm trying to stay super busy but there are still those moments when i'm alone that i get overwhelmed with sadness and...well, i miss him.
i still love him. i hope i'm doing the right thing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
I hear you Chero.
Some of those 'steps' we have to take seem kind of huge and final, don't they? And yes, they can be scary!
Were you happy when you were with him and all the related day-to-day drama?
Could you prevent it from happening to him when you were there? How effective were you in preventing him from drinking? Not at all, right? That's because it isn't within your control!
There's a part of me that will always love a part of my ex. I too pondered if I was doing the right thing. It's only natural to feel that way.
It's good that you can come here and vent about it. Keep remembering to do the things that are good for you. And, be extra 'gentle' with yourself in the days to come.
I guarantee if you keep at it, the sun's rays will begin to peek out from behind those nasty dark clouds more and more and begin to shine upon your face and eluminate your life.
Some of those 'steps' we have to take seem kind of huge and final, don't they? And yes, they can be scary!
Originally Posted by chero 
i'm scared i'm never going to be happy.
Originally Posted by chero
i'm scared that something will happen to him and i won't be there to help him or prevent it.
Originally Posted by chero
i still love him. i hope i'm doing the right thing.
It's good that you can come here and vent about it. Keep remembering to do the things that are good for you. And, be extra 'gentle' with yourself in the days to come.
I guarantee if you keep at it, the sun's rays will begin to peek out from behind those nasty dark clouds more and more and begin to shine upon your face and eluminate your life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Its never easy to go thru a divorce. I'mure being out of the immediate circumstances has sorta blurred the memories of the reasons you took this step. I have the same problem now and then. I found it useful to write a journal about why I left, about jsut how bad things were for me that I can look at when I find myself letting my own thoughts or other people's comments minimalize what a hell my marriage had become.
As for the fears that something will happen to your AH because you aren't there, he is an adult, responsible for himself, his choices and his actions. Remember the 3 Cs.
The sadness is normal too. You are mourning a very real loss, your marriage and your love. It hurts! But you can and will heal with time. So will I.
As for the fears that something will happen to your AH because you aren't there, he is an adult, responsible for himself, his choices and his actions. Remember the 3 Cs.
The sadness is normal too. You are mourning a very real loss, your marriage and your love. It hurts! But you can and will heal with time. So will I.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Chero honey 
hard to follow such good advice from above but, you have come so far and you will continue to do so and YES you will be happy again!
When things come to an end it is a normal feeling if one is healthy or not! Feel the feelings and the loss and trust this too shall pass! Try not to be so hard on yourself, you did the best that you could with the hand you were dealt. I know I would not want to continue in the drama, the dance.....living life happy without the chaos is the greatest gift you are working towards giving yourself!
Hang in there sweetheart! A new day is dawning-
hard to follow such good advice from above but, you have come so far and you will continue to do so and YES you will be happy again! When things come to an end it is a normal feeling if one is healthy or not! Feel the feelings and the loss and trust this too shall pass! Try not to be so hard on yourself, you did the best that you could with the hand you were dealt. I know I would not want to continue in the drama, the dance.....living life happy without the chaos is the greatest gift you are working towards giving yourself!
Hang in there sweetheart! A new day is dawning-
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
Grieving my sista,,you are grieving,,,,
Grieving is generally easy to recognize, and symptoms of grief are both physical and emotional. Grieving people are often sad and may sigh, sob, cry out or yearn for what was lost. Shock, disbelief and denial are common, especially immediately following the discovery of the loss. People who are grieving may feel angry or guilty. They may tire easily or feel as though they are always tired. Disturbances in appetite and sleep often occur.
Sound familiar?
Chero my sweet, you have expereinced all of the above since the day you walked out the door and SAVED yourself. Another level (divorce) and more grief. It doesn't pass easily, or consitently. From my own experience, it even comes back when much time has passed and you thought you were done. For me, it was out of my conrtol, he died. Whe I began to expereince this grief with my XA, it was HARDER, because he was still here, and I could keep hope alive.
I still love him too. And yes, I'm doing the right thing, because I could not be abused any longer. I could also not watch him die a slow and painful death,,,
You know, in your core, the answer to your questions,,,
Peace AND love
Grieving is generally easy to recognize, and symptoms of grief are both physical and emotional. Grieving people are often sad and may sigh, sob, cry out or yearn for what was lost. Shock, disbelief and denial are common, especially immediately following the discovery of the loss. People who are grieving may feel angry or guilty. They may tire easily or feel as though they are always tired. Disturbances in appetite and sleep often occur.
Sound familiar?
Chero my sweet, you have expereinced all of the above since the day you walked out the door and SAVED yourself. Another level (divorce) and more grief. It doesn't pass easily, or consitently. From my own experience, it even comes back when much time has passed and you thought you were done. For me, it was out of my conrtol, he died. Whe I began to expereince this grief with my XA, it was HARDER, because he was still here, and I could keep hope alive.
I still love him too. And yes, I'm doing the right thing, because I could not be abused any longer. I could also not watch him die a slow and painful death,,,
You know, in your core, the answer to your questions,,,
Peace AND love
Keepingmyjoy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
Do you miss him or what you thought you had? I know for myself, I feel depressed sometimes realizing I do not have what I thought I had with him. It is a hard place no matter what...hang in there....(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
It's hard to say goodbye to your dreams ...
There are new dreams out there for you. My divorce was the hardest thing I ever did, and I'm still grieving. But I see glimpses of my new dreams, and I know it will all be okay in the end.
Sorry, sorry, sorry for what you're going through. Hang in there ~ you can do it, and we're with you.
There are new dreams out there for you. My divorce was the hardest thing I ever did, and I'm still grieving. But I see glimpses of my new dreams, and I know it will all be okay in the end.
Sorry, sorry, sorry for what you're going through. Hang in there ~ you can do it, and we're with you.
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Hello Chero,
Ok let’s get a few things straight her.
Yes something will happen to him
No, there is nothing you can do about it.
Yes you are doing the right thing.
You read what I posted here on the site before it crashed.
You know what others including myself have gone through because they HAD to.
Life does go on, it’s how you choose to live the rest of yours that matters.
Ok let’s get a few things straight her.
Yes something will happen to him
No, there is nothing you can do about it.
Yes you are doing the right thing.
You read what I posted here on the site before it crashed.
You know what others including myself have gone through because they HAD to.
Life does go on, it’s how you choose to live the rest of yours that matters.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Honey, I am sorry you're feeling blue.
We do get scared when our life is about to change in a major way. It's normal to feel sad and confused.
Just ask yourself what life would be like if you stayed. You know the answer in your heart.
We do get scared when our life is about to change in a major way. It's normal to feel sad and confused.
Just ask yourself what life would be like if you stayed. You know the answer in your heart.
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
thanks for your support, guys. it means so much to me...it really got me through the day to pop in and read your encouragement.
i do know the right answers in my heart, but right now i don't care. i miss him and i keep asking myself how i can miss someone who treated me so bad and i don't know. i don't know how, but i do.
i know eventually i'll be okay but right now i'm not.
i want to call him and see him and i know i can't. i know i shouldn't and so i'm not going to but that doesn't make it easier.
one minute i'm okay and i know i'll make it and the next i want to cry and run away from it all.
i do know the right answers in my heart, but right now i don't care. i miss him and i keep asking myself how i can miss someone who treated me so bad and i don't know. i don't know how, but i do.
i know eventually i'll be okay but right now i'm not.
i want to call him and see him and i know i can't. i know i shouldn't and so i'm not going to but that doesn't make it easier.
one minute i'm okay and i know i'll make it and the next i want to cry and run away from it all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 52
Because you do miss HIM, it's the monster of addiction that you do not miss.
One came with the other. One took over the other.
We will always miss what could've been. It's OK. It's healthy to grieve an ending.
And tomorrow you will also celebrate a new beginning.
Hope to you!
One came with the other. One took over the other.
We will always miss what could've been. It's OK. It's healthy to grieve an ending.
And tomorrow you will also celebrate a new beginning.
Hope to you!
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
awwww ((((((chero))))),
I'm right there beside you sweetie. It's just so HARD!!!!
You WILL be happy, happier than you dreamed you could be. And you can't save him, he can only save himself.
All you are doing is stepping aside and allowing God to handle him...the grief is part of the equation. A necessary part, but a painful part.
It will get better in time. Hang in there!
I'm right there beside you sweetie. It's just so HARD!!!!
You WILL be happy, happier than you dreamed you could be. And you can't save him, he can only save himself.
All you are doing is stepping aside and allowing God to handle him...the grief is part of the equation. A necessary part, but a painful part.
It will get better in time. Hang in there!
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
you will pick up the pieces of your life, it takes time
Break ups are the hardest...but many live to tell of a much greater lifestyle ahead...
It will get better and the pain will fade. At this point you can't even imagine how great your life will be so just have faith. Blessings during this rough phase.
Break ups are the hardest...but many live to tell of a much greater lifestyle ahead...
It will get better and the pain will fade. At this point you can't even imagine how great your life will be so just have faith. Blessings during this rough phase.
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