WENDYLOST101

Well, my title says ready to go, but I am not ready to go. It is time to face the music. My AH is a bully. Everytime I threaten to leave him I get threatened right back. One big reason why I stay. My husband is not typically a physical abuser but has the potential. I have seen him do it to other people before. He does not make walking away from him an option in other words. He is not going to let me pack my bags and leave without a word. I know the only way I am going to be able to leave him safely is to take my son and go as far away as possible and not have any contact with anyone in my family or his family. My parents and sister are very inportant to me and I almost cant stand the thought of not seeing them or my son getting to see them. Second thing is I know I will have to warn my family and his to be prepared for anything he throws at them because I dont put it past him to try and hurt my family to try to get me to come back home. I hate the thought of putting my family in danger, but I dont know what else to do. I am not afraid of him in this moment, I just know that I cant continue to live with an addict. I dont think going to a shelter is going to keep me safe. Not in this state anyway. I know I can get a restraining order and all that good stuff, but all that is is a piece of paper. I dont think that will stop him at all. I am so desperate for him to just go away so I dont have to do this but he wont. I will have to quit my job, take son out of REALLY GOOD daycare and go somewhere where no one can find me. It will be scary for me, but how scary is that gonna be for my child? Can anyone think of anything else I can do? I have thought of having him committed, but I dont think they could hold him for long and I am scared of what he would do when he got out. I also wanted to know if anyone else knew about domestic violence laws in AL? My husband says all the time that if I call the police on him while we are fighting that we will both go to jail. Does anyone know if that is true? I cant seem to find an answer on the net. Not good with that kind of research.

I am not scared of him and I am not in any specific danger, so dont worry, I just want to leave and I know if I try then I will be in danger. Also one more question. I have probably asked it here before, but does anyone know that if I do leave and I have to go to another state and I take our child with me is that consideded kidnapping? I have alot of people that would testify to husband being an addict. Would that help me at all?

Lovestoomuch

Oh honey.......you've seen me through this same exact predicament and I know you know how rough it was for me too. I had to warn family and friends when I left for Texas because there was no telling what he might do to them to try and find me......and yes........I had to leave state.

I'm fixin to IM you sweetpea!!
hugs
kris

cinderellawkids

Why dont you contact local law enforcement and ask them these questions? Without any actual threats they can answer them.

WENDYLOST101

Cinder, what do you mean? If they think I am asking for someone else or something they will answer me? Im sorry Cinder I am confused right now.

cinderellawkids

I would go to a sheriff station and tell them you are thinking of leaving your husband and are afraid he may become violent when you do. Tell them he told you if you called them youd both go to jail, they can advise you how they handle those situations.

I did that and got a list of my rights when I moved. Remember though if you fight back at all you too can be charged. My cousin went to jail because when she said she was living her bf grabbed their son and said not with him she picked something up and through it and she went to jail

frankie_b

Wendy, I suggest you talk with the experts at your nearest DV center. They can advise you on leaving strategies.

Be very careful with threats of leaving as they bring out the worst in AH and you don't need any of it. I think the best way to deal with a bully is look him square in the eye when he starts the threats and tell
him if he ever so much as lays a hand on you are making a full
assault report to the police. I may be naive in what I just said.
Other than this I don't know enough to advise you.

Hugs

LaTeeDa

Hey, I usually post in the F&F of Alcoholics forum, but I lurk over here occasionally. We have a great sticky over there that has tons of information, including hotlines for most areas of the U.S.

Anyway, here is the link. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html

And godspeed to you.

L

Ann

The most dangerous time for any abused woman is when she actually makes the move to leave.

My thoughs are to not tell him and have protection with you when you make the move.

Call any Domestic Violence line or Women's Shelter and they will tell you what your rights are and also make helpful suggestions on how to do this.

Be safe, Wendy, but don't let fear make you stay in such an awful relationship.

Hugs

gedaboston

my situation was kinda similar but w/o kids and we were not married. my exabf would keep me as a hostage not letting me leave. i talked to cops, told my story etc. i put my own house on surveilance with local police drug unit. it took them ~ 3 months to arrest him. i had to come clean to police so I wouldn't get charged for the stuff he had in our house, i let cops & K9 search my house. next day i was in court getting a restrainig order.

i would suggest go to local PD. there are people that getting paid for serving and protecting us. they'll help you out.

good luck!