suzieq1972

I found out on Monday that over the past 2 weeks my AH has taken $2000.00 out of our equity line. When I confornted him he said he needed it to survive because the bills were due (not at our house, but at the house he's staying at). Luckily, I already had an appointment set up with a lawyer on Tuesday.

The bank won't close the equity line because we are co-owners on it. The lawyer says the only way to stop him from doing it again is to get a court order. BUT, the only way to get a court order is to file for a separation (ours now is not legal,just me saying he can't come home) or a divorce. Turns out a separation costs 2x as much as a divorce because you file to separate and then have to file again later for divorce (if that's what you choose to do).

I am at such a loss!!! I'm not ready for divorce, but if he keeps taking money out I won't be able to make the monthly payment and the bank will tak the house. Plus, if he keeps taking money out we won't have any equity built up in the house and we'll make nothing if we have to sell it.

This morning has been so horrible. I called my parents at 6:30 am crying because I don't know what to do. They think I should file for divorce, but I just can't bring myself to do that right now. In the meantime, he may ruin us financially. He's not talking to me right now anyway, because I made such a fuss about the money. He called and talked to our son last night but didn't want to speak to me.

I don't even know how I would look him in the eye and tell him I want to leave. It breaks my heart just to think about it.

queenteree

(((suzieq))) I'm so sorry about what he is doing to you. Don't do anything you don't want to do. Take deep breaths for now, and I know everyone will be along shortly to give you options and ideas.
Terri

parentrecovers

my thought is if he got away with taking the money once, he'll do it again...

sorry you're going through this, k

denny57

He will continue to take the money. He is forcing your hand. It is your decision. Often times the right decision is the most difficult one to make.

((()))

ARealLady

I totally agree with Denny and Anvil.

Do NOT wait until everything has gone. You need to protect yourself and you need to do it now. If you aren't comfortable about filing for divorce then file for separation. Those costs will still be less than what you stand to lose if your AH continues to help himself to joint monies and drain your savings.

ARL

Barbara52

As hard as its going to be, you need to think about all this without the emotions. Think rationally about what it means to your future if (porbably when) he drains the equity line. Think unemotionally about what you want for your future. Think about what actions you can take. Think about how all this can affect you son.

One tool that often helps clarify my thinking is to take a sheet of paper, make a line down the middle and on one side write the pluses of staying in your marriage and on the other the minuses. Look at your list and use it to figure out which is the better option for you and your son. Leave what is best for AH out of it.

One other thing. IF you decide to get a divorce because right now its what you need to do to protect yourself, that does not mean that you cannot go back and try to redevelop a new relationship with AH IF he truly becomes a recovering alcoholic. I do know couples who divorced and later remarried.