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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Delaware
Posts: 201
Newbie
My story like yours is not much different. Only difference is I am step mom caring for my step son’s child. He and his wife are addicts. I am not sure if I know the whole story behind why the child was removed from the home. There are several different versions. With anyone who loves an addict or has a family member that is an addict you know exactly what I am saying...
All I know is Dad and Mom live with my husband’s ex. There was some issue, police were called. The police called us… we had not seen or heard from either of them for 3 months… the police officer asked us to come get the child. She told my DH to file for emergency custody. Emergency custody was granted. Then Dad and mom were taking to court by my husband who filed for custody of the then 1yr old child. The court made demands on what they should do to get the child back. The child was then placed in our care no time limit. That was a year ago and 6 months ago. Since then Dad has had his share of issues but seems to be “trying” to pull it together. He still is yet to do what the court asked and take the abuse class. But he has to explain why this time to the judge. He also is a addict to methadone. He says it is for him to get off the herion. But he has been on this for 5 years. Besides turning his front teeth black he just replaced a drug with a legal drug. He does work every day and he manages to keep a car.
Mom on the other hand is a lying manipulative hard core addict to the bone. Lying and deceiving anyone she can sink her teeth into and when times get hard and she has no one left she remembers she has a child. The short and long of it is she has repeated the same patterns time and time again and nothing changes. Nothing changes when nothing changes. Right?
Now we are like days away from appearing back in court and two weeks ago there was another episode with Mom. In a bar getting drunk … yada yada yada… She has bipolar so when you mix the drink with the pills she turns ugly. When times get hard she fakes a sprained ankle to get herself in the hospital to get a pain killer. That was last week. When times get hard she has to medicate to herself to feel better. She has been in and out of treatment centers and in fact just came out of one. When she went in I told her no contact with the child until she got her stuff together.
A few days ago she calls… Oh she is so sorry. She played DH and me like a fiddle. She was full of “resentment.” All of which started and end with me. Can you believe that?! Me? I am the stepmother to her husband. I am the primary care taker for her daughter. But she resents me! She tells us all the “RIGHT” stuff that she is feeding us rules from her program and she is saying God is speaking through her. Oh we were like sap on a tree. WE said sorry we appreciate your words but no contact with child until you get straight. She said she understand that and respected that. The next day Dad who at this point we have no idea is even living with Mom comes to see child. Which is the normal routine. He gets child for overnite visit as long as we say it is ok per court order. He takes her back to his mom’s place where he lives and about 2 hrs later the phone rings. He asked if Mom could see Child. We said no. Not a good idea. He said fine he understood. End of discussion. Then Mom calls… She wants to see child. My husband has her on the main phone...calls son on his cell and hears son’s phone ringing in the phone she is on. She denies she is there. Come to find out after 15 minutes of discussions she fesses up. So. DH goes to pick up child. She calls… she turns ugly with me. Nothing new after all I am a wick step mom! I have a wart on my nose!
Step son gets on phone. He is ugly with me but I chatted with him. He slowly calmed down. We all agreed we would talk later once everyone cooled down.
About 4 hrs later she is on the phone crying. I say what is wrong. She can not talk. So I call Step son who has no clue she is crying. No clue why she would be. A week goes by and no word from either of them. Saturday the normal day step son gets to see child no calls. So DH calls. He said look if you feel son that your ok with child seeing mom then fine but if something happens you will be responsible for the outcomes. Son says ok. We drive child to the house… Out comes son. Then there she is… I turn look straight at her and say Hello… She looks through me as if I was wind. So DH says hello… She again looks through him like he is wind. Next day child comes home to us. She walks in my home we say hello and she again looks through us like we are wind.
I have let go of her bull crap. In fact I could care a lick if she wants to drink herself in a stooper but I will not be mistreated by her when I am taking care of her daughter and not in my own home. I had to walk away. Had I stood there I would have opened big mouth and said all those nasty things I feel about her once and for all. But nope I let it go. I walked away. I have to laugh now that, that is the way she acts. What a joke… God is speaking through her… Guess God tells her to be rude. Must be some new bible verse she is reading. I swear I never saw that in mine! LOL!!!
So that is my story. I am sure nothing new. Same old stuff different day. If anyone has any suggestions how to get out of this mess let me know otherwise I am stuck deep in muddy waters holding the hand of a small child that has my heart. I refuse to let go and allow the child to fall and get dirty. I refuse to allow the child to get hurt. There is no side but that of the child. So here I am... hog warts and all.
-Broken
"Nothing changes if nothing changes!"
All I know is Dad and Mom live with my husband’s ex. There was some issue, police were called. The police called us… we had not seen or heard from either of them for 3 months… the police officer asked us to come get the child. She told my DH to file for emergency custody. Emergency custody was granted. Then Dad and mom were taking to court by my husband who filed for custody of the then 1yr old child. The court made demands on what they should do to get the child back. The child was then placed in our care no time limit. That was a year ago and 6 months ago. Since then Dad has had his share of issues but seems to be “trying” to pull it together. He still is yet to do what the court asked and take the abuse class. But he has to explain why this time to the judge. He also is a addict to methadone. He says it is for him to get off the herion. But he has been on this for 5 years. Besides turning his front teeth black he just replaced a drug with a legal drug. He does work every day and he manages to keep a car.
Mom on the other hand is a lying manipulative hard core addict to the bone. Lying and deceiving anyone she can sink her teeth into and when times get hard and she has no one left she remembers she has a child. The short and long of it is she has repeated the same patterns time and time again and nothing changes. Nothing changes when nothing changes. Right?
Now we are like days away from appearing back in court and two weeks ago there was another episode with Mom. In a bar getting drunk … yada yada yada… She has bipolar so when you mix the drink with the pills she turns ugly. When times get hard she fakes a sprained ankle to get herself in the hospital to get a pain killer. That was last week. When times get hard she has to medicate to herself to feel better. She has been in and out of treatment centers and in fact just came out of one. When she went in I told her no contact with the child until she got her stuff together.
A few days ago she calls… Oh she is so sorry. She played DH and me like a fiddle. She was full of “resentment.” All of which started and end with me. Can you believe that?! Me? I am the stepmother to her husband. I am the primary care taker for her daughter. But she resents me! She tells us all the “RIGHT” stuff that she is feeding us rules from her program and she is saying God is speaking through her. Oh we were like sap on a tree. WE said sorry we appreciate your words but no contact with child until you get straight. She said she understand that and respected that. The next day Dad who at this point we have no idea is even living with Mom comes to see child. Which is the normal routine. He gets child for overnite visit as long as we say it is ok per court order. He takes her back to his mom’s place where he lives and about 2 hrs later the phone rings. He asked if Mom could see Child. We said no. Not a good idea. He said fine he understood. End of discussion. Then Mom calls… She wants to see child. My husband has her on the main phone...calls son on his cell and hears son’s phone ringing in the phone she is on. She denies she is there. Come to find out after 15 minutes of discussions she fesses up. So. DH goes to pick up child. She calls… she turns ugly with me. Nothing new after all I am a wick step mom! I have a wart on my nose!
Step son gets on phone. He is ugly with me but I chatted with him. He slowly calmed down. We all agreed we would talk later once everyone cooled down. About 4 hrs later she is on the phone crying. I say what is wrong. She can not talk. So I call Step son who has no clue she is crying. No clue why she would be. A week goes by and no word from either of them. Saturday the normal day step son gets to see child no calls. So DH calls. He said look if you feel son that your ok with child seeing mom then fine but if something happens you will be responsible for the outcomes. Son says ok. We drive child to the house… Out comes son. Then there she is… I turn look straight at her and say Hello… She looks through me as if I was wind. So DH says hello… She again looks through him like he is wind. Next day child comes home to us. She walks in my home we say hello and she again looks through us like we are wind.
I have let go of her bull crap. In fact I could care a lick if she wants to drink herself in a stooper but I will not be mistreated by her when I am taking care of her daughter and not in my own home. I had to walk away. Had I stood there I would have opened big mouth and said all those nasty things I feel about her once and for all. But nope I let it go. I walked away. I have to laugh now that, that is the way she acts. What a joke… God is speaking through her… Guess God tells her to be rude. Must be some new bible verse she is reading. I swear I never saw that in mine! LOL!!!
So that is my story. I am sure nothing new. Same old stuff different day. If anyone has any suggestions how to get out of this mess let me know otherwise I am stuck deep in muddy waters holding the hand of a small child that has my heart. I refuse to let go and allow the child to fall and get dirty. I refuse to allow the child to get hurt. There is no side but that of the child. So here I am... hog warts and all.
-Broken
"Nothing changes if nothing changes!"
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SC
Posts: 1,027
(((Broken))))
Gosh you sound so good! Doing the right things! I wish I was were you are when I first joined SR......I couldn't have ever ever kept my mouth shut at my husband. He is an addict, addicted to xanax......he's clean now but it was a rough road getting here.
Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you except for this no visitation for the mom until court orders it. Of course, I don't know your whole situation and if that's even possible for you guys.
I really just wanted to say welcome. The forum was experiencing a few problems this morning so you might not get a few responses for a while. ((((((Broken)))))))
Gosh you sound so good! Doing the right things! I wish I was were you are when I first joined SR......I couldn't have ever ever kept my mouth shut at my husband. He is an addict, addicted to xanax......he's clean now but it was a rough road getting here.
Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you except for this no visitation for the mom until court orders it. Of course, I don't know your whole situation and if that's even possible for you guys.
I really just wanted to say welcome. The forum was experiencing a few problems this morning so you might not get a few responses for a while. ((((((Broken)))))))
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I think you have your ducks in a row. Kid first. Always.
You can't control ... her. him. them. anyone.
Something I learned in Alanon -
What other people think of me.... is none of my business.
The Alanon meetings have helped me very much. If you have not yet attended I urge you to give 5 or 6 meetings a try. Sometimes, in the beginning especially, or during difficult times, I increase the number I attend each week to 3 or 4.
((hugs))
You can't control ... her. him. them. anyone.
Something I learned in Alanon -
What other people think of me.... is none of my business.
The Alanon meetings have helped me very much. If you have not yet attended I urge you to give 5 or 6 meetings a try. Sometimes, in the beginning especially, or during difficult times, I increase the number I attend each week to 3 or 4.
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
Bless your heart...........
I too know where you are coming from because I am raising my two grandchildren under slightly different circumstances. There is no emergency custody in my case because I stepped in before the state had the chance to. Mistake on my part, yes, would I do it again the same way...Yes!
I had always allowed my daughter the opportunity to visit with her two children but with the understanding that she had to be drug free in order to do it. I purchased a drug testing kit from the drug store and had it by the front door. I had only done this because the visit she had before I put this rule in place was awful. She was so drugged out, she was talking off the wall stuff, wasn't paying attention to the kids and she even fell asleep during her visit. Enough was enough, these kids deserve the right to have a drug free visit with their mother. Needless to say, after I told her about the drug test, she never came back to visit.
In short, I will do anything and everything necessary to protect these two children who never asked to be brought into a life like this. I am sure that is where you stand too!! Good luck to you and your family!
I had always allowed my daughter the opportunity to visit with her two children but with the understanding that she had to be drug free in order to do it. I purchased a drug testing kit from the drug store and had it by the front door. I had only done this because the visit she had before I put this rule in place was awful. She was so drugged out, she was talking off the wall stuff, wasn't paying attention to the kids and she even fell asleep during her visit. Enough was enough, these kids deserve the right to have a drug free visit with their mother. Needless to say, after I told her about the drug test, she never came back to visit.
In short, I will do anything and everything necessary to protect these two children who never asked to be brought into a life like this. I am sure that is where you stand too!! Good luck to you and your family!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. you are in the right place to help you along with a bunch of wonderful caring people. i think you got the right advise above me so i will just say keep coming back.the child is lucky to have you.prayer, hope
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I just want to welcome you too, Broken, and say that I'm glad you joined us.
You sound like you're well on your way with recovery and handling this quite well.
That child is blessed to have a wonderful person like you.
Hugs
You sound like you're well on your way with recovery and handling this quite well.
That child is blessed to have a wonderful person like you.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Broken, Adding my welcome...we sure do appreciate you sharing your ESH. I wasn't at all surprised to read that you have been attending meetings for quite awhile now...Your recovery shines in your post. I'm sorry nothing is changing on her side. Bless you for taking care of that innocent child...Hugs
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Welcome aboard from another mom of an addict.
There is no rule book on how to navigate this addiction situation, but it sounds like
you are doing a wonderful job as grandma. Blessings.
There is no rule book on how to navigate this addiction situation, but it sounds like
you are doing a wonderful job as grandma. Blessings.
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