I feel like Im dying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: CA
Posts: 8
I feel like Im dying
I left four days ago and I feel like Im going to die. I found out that my "recovering" meth ah was just lying to me the whole time about getting clean. The signs were there and I just kept on believing him instead of myself. But I couldnt ignore things anymore. So I left the night before my birthday. Have been gone for four days and I feel like I cant take being away from him. I want so badly for him to come get me and make this all okay but I know that wont happen. He wants to talk to me but I wont speak to him because im afraid that ill be back up there in no time flat and back in the same situation. I know that I cant live like that anymore. Im so afraid of losing him to this drug, but I know that I have to let him make his own way. I also dont know what to tell him. Do I make the rules? Do I demand he go to rehab? Isnt he supposed to want to do that by himself? How will I know if he really is clean?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
Hang in there girl, I was there right where your at 6 months ago. Trust me, you get better. STronger. Happier.
I am sorry you are in this place. Focus on yourself right now and sit back and see what he does. Knowing that I did not have to make any quick decisions was a blessing for me. It really helped me out, so take that into consideration. Before you break and go back home, know that his Actions should speak louder than his words...
If he means is this time, you will see. Maybe it will take you getting out of there for him to see you are serious.
(((Hugs)))
I am sorry you are in this place. Focus on yourself right now and sit back and see what he does. Knowing that I did not have to make any quick decisions was a blessing for me. It really helped me out, so take that into consideration. Before you break and go back home, know that his Actions should speak louder than his words...
If he means is this time, you will see. Maybe it will take you getting out of there for him to see you are serious.
(((Hugs)))
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
bransgirl
You did the right thing by leaving. Things will not get better for him unless he wants them to get better. You have to believe that nothing is going to change unless he wants change. It won't do you one bit of good to go back to him and back to the same situation. It will only get worse until he decides he wants something better in this life!
Believe it or not you cannot change anything here except yourself. If you go back with him, he'll promise everything, but until he's ready to give up drugs you're life will continue to spiral out of control like his.
Yes, he has got to want to do this on his own. Nothing you can do or say will make him change! The best thing you can do at this point is to continue doing what you have already done, and that's stay away.
All any of us can do for the ones we love is pray!
You deserve more out of life!
Hugs, Devastated
Believe it or not you cannot change anything here except yourself. If you go back with him, he'll promise everything, but until he's ready to give up drugs you're life will continue to spiral out of control like his.
Yes, he has got to want to do this on his own. Nothing you can do or say will make him change! The best thing you can do at this point is to continue doing what you have already done, and that's stay away.
All any of us can do for the ones we love is pray!
You deserve more out of life!
Hugs, Devastated
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I am sorry you're feelling so bad. As much as it's painful to live in, this is exactly what addicts do. LIE.
They do it to protect the addiction and to manipulate.
It's not you.
You didn't cause it and you cant fix it!
If you could have read some of my very first posts, (under a different name) you would see a lot of horrid pain and hurt. I have come an awful long way since then. I posted a lot, went to alanon and now I am fine. At least as fine as I can be right now. You will be too. Just work the program!
They do it to protect the addiction and to manipulate.
It's not you.
You didn't cause it and you cant fix it!
If you could have read some of my very first posts, (under a different name) you would see a lot of horrid pain and hurt. I have come an awful long way since then. I posted a lot, went to alanon and now I am fine. At least as fine as I can be right now. You will be too. Just work the program!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
I have to agree with the others... you definitely did the right thing by leaving. And, you are right, he should want to get help on his own. Until he wants to get help, no amount of rules you could set would do the trick... nor would anything else. Maybe you could send him an email or a text message explaining to him that you are not coming back until he is clean and has been clean for a significant amount of time, that you wish him well, but that you cannot be subjected to the pain that his behavior causes for you any longer.
Keep your chin up, or as Doory(sp?) from Finding Nemo would say, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." and sooner or later, this will get easier, I promise. Maybe he'll get the hint and make the change. But if leaving him doesn't motivate him to change, neither would anything else you could say or do.
You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight dear. Try to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet... maybe catch a good comedy on TV or something.
*hugs and prayers*
Keep your chin up, or as Doory(sp?) from Finding Nemo would say, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." and sooner or later, this will get easier, I promise. Maybe he'll get the hint and make the change. But if leaving him doesn't motivate him to change, neither would anything else you could say or do.
You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight dear. Try to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet... maybe catch a good comedy on TV or something.
*hugs and prayers*
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
You are not responsible for the things that he does. You are only responsible for you. You need to take care of you and let his HP take care of him. It hurts but you are not helping him by listening to and believing his lies. Let him fall by himself. Don't think of it as forever, just think of it as for today. One day at a time really does work if you let it. Hugs, Marle
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I want to caution you about going back to him before he gets clean and has time to clean up his mess.
You will not die. That is your obsession for him talking...
If he has been using for a while a week or to without his drug of choice does not equal recovery.
The really bad thing about going back to them while they are still using (this I have experienced myself and I am pretty sure several others here have experienced this too) is that it will get worse. So if you think it was bad when you decided to leave watch out!!!
See the arrogance of addiction this is the one quality that I can rely on in addiction. I look for it when dealing with anyone not just the addicts I know. Addiction is very cunning. For your sake as well as his learn to separate him from his disorder so you will know when his disease is talking to you.
You are in a very good position by being separate from him. Look at yourself and see that your longing for him is you "jonesing " for him just like an addict craves his drug. We get as sick if not sicker than them. Focus on your wellness then you will be able to see if he is sick or not. You may not agree with me right now but it is just a little bit insane that you would want to go right back in that. Again I can call it insanity to want to do this cause I have done it myself. I know it is insane to want to go back to an addict who is still using cause I have done it. It is even more insane to think I can help him stop using.
Don't let someone else's "stuff" eat away years of your life....please stay where you are and focus on getting well yourself. Do things you want to do, go to alanon or naranon if they are in your area most of the time it is easier to find and alanon group than a naranon group. If there are no meetings of this kind go to counseling and come here too. Learn to take good care of yourself!! Be gentle with yourself too and don't let his disease talk you into coming back cause it will kick your butt again and again believe me...
You will not die. That is your obsession for him talking...
If he has been using for a while a week or to without his drug of choice does not equal recovery.
The really bad thing about going back to them while they are still using (this I have experienced myself and I am pretty sure several others here have experienced this too) is that it will get worse. So if you think it was bad when you decided to leave watch out!!!
See the arrogance of addiction this is the one quality that I can rely on in addiction. I look for it when dealing with anyone not just the addicts I know. Addiction is very cunning. For your sake as well as his learn to separate him from his disorder so you will know when his disease is talking to you.
You are in a very good position by being separate from him. Look at yourself and see that your longing for him is you "jonesing " for him just like an addict craves his drug. We get as sick if not sicker than them. Focus on your wellness then you will be able to see if he is sick or not. You may not agree with me right now but it is just a little bit insane that you would want to go right back in that. Again I can call it insanity to want to do this cause I have done it myself. I know it is insane to want to go back to an addict who is still using cause I have done it. It is even more insane to think I can help him stop using.
Don't let someone else's "stuff" eat away years of your life....please stay where you are and focus on getting well yourself. Do things you want to do, go to alanon or naranon if they are in your area most of the time it is easier to find and alanon group than a naranon group. If there are no meetings of this kind go to counseling and come here too. Learn to take good care of yourself!! Be gentle with yourself too and don't let his disease talk you into coming back cause it will kick your butt again and again believe me...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
you did the right thing.it will get better but with him it will only get worse. you can not make him go to rehab or make him get clean.he has got to want to. even if he went to rehab it takes a long time to be able to trust them.keep the focus on yourself, find somethings that you have wanted to do & do them.hands off the addict.let them learn to take care of themselves or hit their bottom.i am sorry you are hurting.hugs,
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I know that I have to let him make his own way. I also dont know what to tell him. Do I make the rules? Do I demand he go to rehab? Isnt he supposed to want to do that by himself? How will I know if he really is clean?
Ask yourself...
How do I want to live?
What makes me happy?
What makes me laugh?
What is my favorite thing to do?
How do I want my life in a month? a year? five years?
What sort of people do I want to surround myself with?
Do I want kids? What sort of life do I believe I can provide them?
What makes me happy?
This sort of thinking helps me structure my life around ME and MY needs, instead of me twisting myself up in what makes others ok.
Addicts do this all the time... they see what they need - and they get it. Of course, that is an extreme example. But something that struck me once was that I was miserable because I was doing such and stuff for my addict, while she was off ... ah.. ENJOYING herself. She got her needs met.
Today, she is sober... but she is still better than me at getting her needs met.
I've learned a lot from her.
((hugs))
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
all the advice above is excellent. You have made a move. It is up to you to stick to it. I recommend that you do. You will not die. You will be sad. Life will go ON.
Take the focus off him and his drug addiction and get the focus on YOU and how you want your life to be.. what you want to be and then GO FOR IT.
Last, but very important, have you been to any NarAnon meetings or AlAnon meetings? I suggest you go. There you will find people who have suffered what you are suffering and they will share their stories with you. You will soon realize you are not alone and that his addiction is his problem and his problem to fix or not. His problems are not your business. Your life and your problems are your business.
I have felt exactly like you are feeling right now. After this last guy I VOW I will NEVER feel that way again over ANY man or relationship. That decision alone has set me free.
You can be free too. Freedom is a fine thing to have. Once you experience it you will never again want to give it up to "love" or obsess over another person.
Take the focus off him and his drug addiction and get the focus on YOU and how you want your life to be.. what you want to be and then GO FOR IT.
Last, but very important, have you been to any NarAnon meetings or AlAnon meetings? I suggest you go. There you will find people who have suffered what you are suffering and they will share their stories with you. You will soon realize you are not alone and that his addiction is his problem and his problem to fix or not. His problems are not your business. Your life and your problems are your business.
I have felt exactly like you are feeling right now. After this last guy I VOW I will NEVER feel that way again over ANY man or relationship. That decision alone has set me free.
You can be free too. Freedom is a fine thing to have. Once you experience it you will never again want to give it up to "love" or obsess over another person.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I couldn't have put it any better than Big Sis, above.
You will survive this and you will go on to have a happy life if you put the focus on YOU, and not on him. Unless you want to hand over half of your time remaining on earth (or more) to becoming a super-sleuth, sneaking around, checking and double-checking, following him, never ever sure whether you're being told the truth....you need to shift your focus on to the other things, outside of this one particular human being, which make you happy.
You are so much more than "bran's girl" -- you are your own whole, beautiful person.
You'll get through this.
You will survive this and you will go on to have a happy life if you put the focus on YOU, and not on him. Unless you want to hand over half of your time remaining on earth (or more) to becoming a super-sleuth, sneaking around, checking and double-checking, following him, never ever sure whether you're being told the truth....you need to shift your focus on to the other things, outside of this one particular human being, which make you happy.
You are so much more than "bran's girl" -- you are your own whole, beautiful person.
You'll get through this.
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