nmt51605

All Of You Know What Im Going Through. And I Really Thank You All For Being So Supportive. Im Trying To Get On With My Life Right Now But Its Not Easy. I Just Dont Understand How This Couldd Happen To Me.
Now Here Is Where My Confusion Comes Into Play. My Ex Who Has Been Through This Whole Situation With Me Has Been Everything That Ive Needed Him To Be. He Has Been There He Comes To Visit. But Now My Feelings Have Come Into Play. I Still Love Him I Always Have. And We Have Talked About Everything That Happened Between Us And How We Both Took Everything That Came Out Of Each Others Mouth To The Extreme. Im Not Justifying Some Of The Things That He Has Done. But He Seems To Be More Aware Of What He Did And How It Affected Me. Everytime He Calls I Get A Person Who Is Sober And Not Aggresive And Caring. I Havent Seen Him Go Back Down The Road He Was Going For A While Now. He Sat Down With Me And Appologized For Everything He Did.
There Is A Part Of Me That Wants To Forgive Him And Start Over As Long As He Can Prove To Me That He Will Stay Sober And That There Are Going To Be No More Lies
But Then The Other Part Of Me That Is Hurt Is Saying Dont Believe Him Make Him Prove Everything To You.
I Let Him Close Through My Grieve And Now I Realized That I Want To Be With Him But Im Not Sure. He Is Coming Over So We Can Talk Tonight. But I Dont Know What To Do Everything Is Just Taking A Toll On Me And I Dont Know How To Move On With My Life Right Now Eventhough Im Trying. Please Give Some Helpful Advice And Pray For Me So I Have The Strength To Move On.
Thanks Bunches
Amy

WENDYLOST101

I myself am so torn right now, I dont know whether I am coming or going. I can offer no real advise right now, but I can offer my prayers and big cyber hugs. I cant imagine going through what you have been through plus dealing with addiction on top of that. Try to take care of you. ((((HUGS))))

atalose

From my own personal experience I can share this. Please wait and make him prove his words through his actions. I am so very sorry for your lose. They seem to be able to come through at times like this but it's the long haul that is so unpredictable.

I won't bore you with my story I'll just offer support in what ever you decide to do but my experience would be to trust your gut and go with that.

Jwife22

I can only say that if you do decide to get back together with, just take things slow. Just as if you were first meeting and becoming attracted to eachother. You've both changed through his addiction and you getting better. Is he working a program or doing something that proves to you that he is making an effort to stay clean?

There's a lot of trust lost now. Its a big factor. Before RAH got clean, I had this fantasy in my head that things would go back to the way they were before he started using. That's just what I said it was, a fantasy. You've both changed and you've learned what your willing to take and what you aren't. Don't let those boundaries go if you choose to be with him. Things are forever changed between my husband and I. I know they'll never be what they were before and thats okay. I've accepted it and so has he....

Before you let yourself get in toooo deep, be sure you are ready.

He can promise you all he wants that he'll never use again BUT, that's something I cannot take my husbands word for and something I'm not willing to dwell on everyday. I had to get over the projecting and start living in today.

nmt51605

Thanks Jwife.
But We Both Know That Things Have Changed Forever. It Will Not Be Any Easier Than It Was Before. I Know I Cant Trust His Word For It And I Never Will But Its Something That I Know If He Proves To Me He Is Clean I Can Deal With That Issue. His Been Going To Meetings. And He Is Taking Care Of Himself Before He Didnt. He Is A Completely Different Person With Me. Adnim Not Changing My Boundaries. He Knows That He Has To Stay Clean To Be With Me. But Has Been Extremly Honest. If He Is Going To Have A Drink He Tells Me. If He Wants To Have A Ciggerate He Tells Me. I Just Dont Know How Much To Trust Him Or How Much To Care For Him If That Makes Any Sense?

Jwife22

It makes since but that's not anythign any of us can answer because those feelings are up to you.
If you aren't sure in what you want to do, its probably not best to jump into it then.

splendra

((((nmt))))

I am hoping and praying that you will give it some time. Give him some time. You have been through a lot with him. Conduct your life as though he is not a part of your choices. You want to be strong so that in the event he relapses you won't be jammed up by it.