I can't deal with both my illness and his....

Old 08-30-2007, 08:48 AM
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I can't deal with both my illness and his....

My bf of 7 years was in recovery until a back injury brought pain pills back into his life. He stopped taking them after getting a shot of cortisone, which was in February. Then pot came into his life again which then lead to a few nights of cocaine use now back to using pain pills again or abusing pain pills. The excuses, the stories, everything but anything towards him wanting to recover again. He thinks if he just keeps to smoking pot once in a while, which is now an everyday accurance that everything will be alright.
He justifies his use by saying he goes to work everyday, pays his bills so what’s the big deal as long as he doesn’t do those other things.

A month ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer, early stage and am going into the hospital next week for a lumpectomy followed by radiation treatments. When I discovered the lump I told him I could not deal with both my illness and his. He assured me things would be ok he would not cause problem and he would get things under control.

In this past month he has been throw off a job site due to his anger issues and asked to take a week off to cool down, he may not even have a job next week. He of course found work for this week so he continues to justify that drugs are not the issue. We were asked to a picnic where he drank beer, many of them, he hasn’t drank in years except for a few times which again caused nothing but trouble in his life. A few weeks ago he was not acting right and I discovered his use of pain pills again, he of course told me it was a one time thing because his back is hurting him so badly. The other night he had to run out to meet a friend and would return shortly, 3 hours later he came home all pissed off because the amount of pot he was going to purchase turned out to be only half of what he was expecting. Then at 1:30 in the middle of night he got a phone call, had to run out again and was gone for several hours. Last night he again had to run out quickly to meet a friend and would be right back. That was at 7:45 PM and by 11:00 when he was not home yet by 11 I packed my things and left.

Of course I get a phone call at 1:15 last night where he stated in his message to me that it was 12 midnight and he doesn’t know why I left and that this should be what ends our relationship. He’s called 3 times already today in panic mode wanting to talk it all out after I get out of work today that I am of course over reacting.

I want out I want away from his addiction and all that comes with it. I want to be strong to care for myself and get well and live a happy life. Help me be strong and stay away from his active addiction.

His selfishness through out all this keeps me angry and in a place where I will stay away from him and focus on just me. He doesn’t seem to understand how he’s selfish, after all he goes to work everyday and pays the bills!!!! Please help me be strong I can’t deal with it all.
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Old 08-30-2007, 09:11 AM
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(((atalose))))) i am so sorrry for what you are going through with your self & what you are going through with your b.f. you do not deserve this, you deserve so much better. you have a place to stay so do not take his calls,let go or get dragged. it is up to you. he is not going to get any better & that life is not going to get any better. keep coming back here.we will take your hand & walk with you through all of this. with your health you NEED to take care of yourself & not have any worrys. my sister went thru that 3yrs. ago christmas & she is fine today but she took care of her. i am saying a prayer for you that you will have the strength to let go & let God.let us know how u r.hugs, hope
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Old 08-30-2007, 09:41 AM
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You have enough on your plate without having to deal with an addict. Stick to your guns sweety, it doesn't get any better. I am going through a similiar thing with my 34 yr old son with pot. He thinks if he pays his bills whats the harm.......here every penny he spends on that is less money he has for other things, plus with the new mouth swab tests & hair follicle tests soon coming its going to be impossible to keep or get any kind of job.
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Old 08-30-2007, 04:40 PM
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Now more than any time in your life, you need peace so you can recover from this illness. Stress only makes everything so much more difficult and can make recovery difficult. You know this!

Start doing things for you with a "me first" attitude. You do not have to tolerate behavior that makes you even sicker. It's all up to you.
I am so sorry you have to go through all this. Keep us posted.
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Old 08-30-2007, 05:48 PM
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(((Atalose)))
I'm sorry this is happening at this time in your life.
Although different circumstances, your post reminded me of a very difficult time in my past.
My ex was in love with another when I was pregnant with my youngest son. I endured unimaginable months, in the hops that he would "wise-up" and put his family first.

I was in it for the long haul, regardless of how he had hurt me.

When I had my son he was barely there, more interested in talking to "her" on the phone while I endured labor and delivery. He calmly left when he knew we were OK. He barely spoke to me the entire time...I was a burden I guess.

It was THEN, that I knew that I deserved more, and that he was not there for me when any human being would have known they should be. It was then that I knew I was ending our marriage.
You have a lot on your plate, and need to concentrate on your health. As much as it hurts, I do now believe in "signs" that something has to change.

His behavior may be your sign.

I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers
(((Hugs)))
Cece
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Old 08-30-2007, 08:45 PM
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I am so sorry.

We are all here for you when you need us. Focus on yourself and nothing else! because you, at a time like this, need it most.
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Old 08-30-2007, 09:26 PM
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I'm so sorry for all you are going through...Please come here for strength; you definitely deserve so much more. As cece said, his conduct when any person who wasn't so stuck in his addiction would be by your side and supporting you seems a sure sign that your choice to leave now and focus on yourself and your healing is a very good one. I believe that our outlook is a huge aid in healing, and right now you need only caring and support and positive in your life.

Keeping you in my prayers. Gentle hugs
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Old 08-30-2007, 10:26 PM
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Others have put so much wisdom ahead of this, I really don't know what to add, other than to say that I'm here and I'm thinking about you.

*hugs and prayers*
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Old 08-31-2007, 08:11 PM
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I remain strong in that I am only focusing on ME and MY health. I will do what is best for Me to get healthy.

He is working HIS program, he is reaching out to HIS sponsor and doing what he needs to do.

For the first time in a very long time I can really say I am putting ME ahead of anything else and boy does it feel good. I will be coming here for all the strength and courage and wisdom you all provide, it means so much to me to have you all here. Thank you all ......
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