A newbie who needs advice!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Merseyside,UK
Posts: 109
A newbie who needs advice!
Hi everyone!
My name is Sam. i hope you dont mind me being on here because i havent myself got a drink problem, its my boyfriend.
Hes had depression for years now and slowly over the past year or so its turned into a alcohol dependence. Hes not a 24/7 drinker but a binge drinker over 3 days max every week or two. It all comes down to panic and anxiety attacks which he uses alcohol to get rid of them. He feels it calms him down but then doesnt stop at couple and drinks about 8+ instead and when he wakes with a hangover he has to go and do it again to stop the shakes and increasing anxiety he gets when sobering up. He drinks cider, its the worst stuff cos it makes him such an angry person that he takes it out on me, verbally.
Ive been suffering for too long, i love him with all my heart but these ups and downs are killing me. I want to be hear for him but hes got in debt with a big overdrft at the bank and now im in debt paying all the bills.
He just skipped work today and didnt ring them cos he was hungover and now hes currently out getting plastered as i speak! Heres to another night of no sleep and verbal abuse!
Anyone have any advice for me?? it will be very much appretiated.
My name is Sam. i hope you dont mind me being on here because i havent myself got a drink problem, its my boyfriend.
Hes had depression for years now and slowly over the past year or so its turned into a alcohol dependence. Hes not a 24/7 drinker but a binge drinker over 3 days max every week or two. It all comes down to panic and anxiety attacks which he uses alcohol to get rid of them. He feels it calms him down but then doesnt stop at couple and drinks about 8+ instead and when he wakes with a hangover he has to go and do it again to stop the shakes and increasing anxiety he gets when sobering up. He drinks cider, its the worst stuff cos it makes him such an angry person that he takes it out on me, verbally.
Ive been suffering for too long, i love him with all my heart but these ups and downs are killing me. I want to be hear for him but hes got in debt with a big overdrft at the bank and now im in debt paying all the bills.
He just skipped work today and didnt ring them cos he was hungover and now hes currently out getting plastered as i speak! Heres to another night of no sleep and verbal abuse!
Anyone have any advice for me?? it will be very much appretiated.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Sam Welcome to SR! Glad that you found us! You have to come to the right place! Please read some stickies at the top of the forums and you may want to also post in the Friends and Family Forum!
So glad that you have come here there will be alot of great advice!
Do not like the sound of verbal abuse! Something I lived with way to long! Maybe think of possibly going to an Al-Anon meeting? Just a thought...
Take care of yourself!
So glad that you have come here there will be alot of great advice!
Do not like the sound of verbal abuse! Something I lived with way to long! Maybe think of possibly going to an Al-Anon meeting? Just a thought...
Take care of yourself!
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
nice to meet you, sam - glad you found us. my daughter is an alcoholic/addict, struggling in her first year of recovery attempts. i go to alanon and it really helps me.
you didn't cause it. you can't cure it. you can't control it. you do have choices though, about how you let it affect your life.
i hope you're not paying his bills. that's his consequence, not yours.
keep posting! k
you didn't cause it. you can't cure it. you can't control it. you do have choices though, about how you let it affect your life.
i hope you're not paying his bills. that's his consequence, not yours.
keep posting! k
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
It's a blessing to have you here..you...There are such amazing people here...I too have depression, and i have come to believe you don't need to fill exclusive requisites to be here..As long as we can help and learn with each other, the purpose is fulfilled...
I welcome you and look forward to hearing more from you..And also i can imagine the pain of trying to "change" somebody's behavior...As most people will agree with you and me,it's a really rough path to see destruction by our side, but this a good place to find hope about it...
I believe alcoholism and depression are both very tough and incredibly destructive diseases..there are many more forums about those issues on the site..
keep posting!
I welcome you and look forward to hearing more from you..And also i can imagine the pain of trying to "change" somebody's behavior...As most people will agree with you and me,it's a really rough path to see destruction by our side, but this a good place to find hope about it...
I believe alcoholism and depression are both very tough and incredibly destructive diseases..there are many more forums about those issues on the site..
keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Sam,
Verbal abuse is NEVER OK...In my case, the verbal abuse was worse than the physical abuse...I coped by drinking and drugging...Glad I am not there anymore...
You deserve much more...
As suggested, Alanon meetings are a great place to visit...
Verbal abuse is NEVER OK...In my case, the verbal abuse was worse than the physical abuse...I coped by drinking and drugging...Glad I am not there anymore...
You deserve much more...
As suggested, Alanon meetings are a great place to visit...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Merseyside,UK
Posts: 109
I went to my local alcohol service today and they suggested Alanon. Im gonna look into it.
I know verbal abuse is not right and i shouldnt make excuses for him but it is the alcohol that makes him that way,sober he is as nice as he can be underthe circumstances with his anxiety and depression.
I look back and see the happy guy i met and wonder how someone so amazing could turn out this way, it makes me so upset. Hes not even a shadow of the person he used to be. I suppose part of me hopes things will get so bad he will be shocked into doing something about it. He has been to alcohol awareness meetings and i thought it was working but hes right back were he started. Will this ever get any better? or am i always gonna wonder if im wasting my time and love on someone who doesnt care??
I know verbal abuse is not right and i shouldnt make excuses for him but it is the alcohol that makes him that way,sober he is as nice as he can be underthe circumstances with his anxiety and depression.
I look back and see the happy guy i met and wonder how someone so amazing could turn out this way, it makes me so upset. Hes not even a shadow of the person he used to be. I suppose part of me hopes things will get so bad he will be shocked into doing something about it. He has been to alcohol awareness meetings and i thought it was working but hes right back were he started. Will this ever get any better? or am i always gonna wonder if im wasting my time and love on someone who doesnt care??
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Sam,
I hope everything works out well in your relationship...
What I found was when my ex was sober for as long as six months, there were STILL telltale signs of abuse...I couldn't take the chance of being with him just because he was sober...When with him, I walked on eggshells...When was he going to explode???
Thinking of you...
I hope everything works out well in your relationship...
What I found was when my ex was sober for as long as six months, there were STILL telltale signs of abuse...I couldn't take the chance of being with him just because he was sober...When with him, I walked on eggshells...When was he going to explode???
Thinking of you...
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