I'm Back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 48
I'm Back!
Hi
I used to post on here about 3 years ago. My son is the addict in my life and he was doing real well up until about two months ago.
He and his gf are both using. They have 2 babies at this time. One is 20 months old and the other is just 4 months. It is really breaking my heart that they are living this life.
My son lost his job which he had for almost 3 years and we had him committed for 72 hours because he threatened to cut his wrist. When he came out he said that he was going to stay clean (we have all heard this promise before). He had me fooled for about 1 week and then I learned that he had a bunch of people hanging in his apt. and that there was alot of drug us going on
It is just really crazy. He is mad at me because he thought that I was going to help him with his rent this month and once I found out about this I just can't do it. I told him he would have to find a way to pay the rent.
Anyway, I am going to find a meeting to go to in my area. I have moved since the last time I went to a meeting. I know that I need support. Things are bound to get worse.
I used to post on here about 3 years ago. My son is the addict in my life and he was doing real well up until about two months ago.
He and his gf are both using. They have 2 babies at this time. One is 20 months old and the other is just 4 months. It is really breaking my heart that they are living this life.
My son lost his job which he had for almost 3 years and we had him committed for 72 hours because he threatened to cut his wrist. When he came out he said that he was going to stay clean (we have all heard this promise before). He had me fooled for about 1 week and then I learned that he had a bunch of people hanging in his apt. and that there was alot of drug us going on
It is just really crazy. He is mad at me because he thought that I was going to help him with his rent this month and once I found out about this I just can't do it. I told him he would have to find a way to pay the rent.
Anyway, I am going to find a meeting to go to in my area. I have moved since the last time I went to a meeting. I know that I need support. Things are bound to get worse.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome back. I am sorry your son has taken a turn to a bad path, but already I see your recovery shining through.
Letting him take responsibility for his actions of using drugs and for the consequences of not being able to pay his rent because his money went elsewhere, is a huge step for most of us, but absolutely the right thing to do.
Reaching out for support again will certainly help you shine up those recovery tools that see us through times like this.
My prayers go out for all of you, especially the babies who are innocent victims to all of this.
Hugs
Letting him take responsibility for his actions of using drugs and for the consequences of not being able to pay his rent because his money went elsewhere, is a huge step for most of us, but absolutely the right thing to do.
Reaching out for support again will certainly help you shine up those recovery tools that see us through times like this.
My prayers go out for all of you, especially the babies who are innocent victims to all of this.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 48
Thanks Ann
I guess I just hoped that he had been going through a phase when he was younger. He was doing well for so long.
Right now my main concern is the babies. I am going to see if they will let me take them this weekend. I am going to get them out of the situation as much as I can. It is just not fair to them.
Right now my main concern is the babies. I am going to see if they will let me take them this weekend. I am going to get them out of the situation as much as I can. It is just not fair to them.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
sorry.....
I am so sorry that you are going down this road..yet again. I too have an addict for a child (my daughter) who also had 2 children in which I now have living with me. As for my daughter, I heard about her using and would make unexpected stops by her house only to find it filled with people and trashed. I gave her 3 warnings about cleaning up her act and her home before I went there one day and found my grandson who was about one out in the front of her apartment building with no one else outside and my grandaughter sitting in her seat filthy dirty and the mother (my daughter) and her boyfriend upstairs asleep at 3:00 in the afternoon. I went up and woke them up and told her to get clothes together for the kids. Of course..she didn't understand why! (shaking my head). She cried a few tears that didn't seem real and off I went with her children. Everyone told me if I take the children from her, that will force her to clean up her act. In most normal circumstances, it probably would have, but not for her. This gave her the opportunity to do what she wanted with her life and to party on.
I have had her children for a year and a half and every now and again (before last weekend) allowed her contact with her children under on condition. She had to take a drug test that I had sitting by the front door. She couldn't stay clean for a few days in order to pass the test to be able to see her own children.
I hope in your case, the children are protected and if not someone needs to help them. Your son and daughter are adults and can make the decission to mess their life up, these children don't have a choice!!
Take care and good luck!
I have had her children for a year and a half and every now and again (before last weekend) allowed her contact with her children under on condition. She had to take a drug test that I had sitting by the front door. She couldn't stay clean for a few days in order to pass the test to be able to see her own children.
I hope in your case, the children are protected and if not someone needs to help them. Your son and daughter are adults and can make the decission to mess their life up, these children don't have a choice!!
Take care and good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 48
Thanks
Trish
My son's gf's mom had the babies last night and I am planning on getting them on Friday and hopefully keeping them for the weekend.
My aunt had suggested that I just pop in on them. Part of me is afraid to just pop in on them because I don't know how they will react. I guess I should not care.
I spoke with someone from the Human Services office yesterday and suggested that I take the kids as much as possible and maybe even have them agree to let me keep them until they get it together.
My son's gf's mom had the babies last night and I am planning on getting them on Friday and hopefully keeping them for the weekend.
My aunt had suggested that I just pop in on them. Part of me is afraid to just pop in on them because I don't know how they will react. I guess I should not care.
I spoke with someone from the Human Services office yesterday and suggested that I take the kids as much as possible and maybe even have them agree to let me keep them until they get it together.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Danville,Va
Posts: 304
I too, am a grandma with custody of my 2 year old grandson. His mom lived with us after he was born, but didn't want responsibility of being a mom. She just wanted to take pills and drink.
She found bf's on the internet and would go live with them, leaving grandson for the rest of us to care for. Thank Goodness!! I couldn't bear the thought of a succession of daddies for him.
So I finally got the court to grant me custody. Now she says I took him from her. It hasn't made her clean herself up for him though. I would be so grateful to give him back to her if she would only get into recovery. But until then I will fight her tooth and nail for that little guy.
_______________
Trish
She found bf's on the internet and would go live with them, leaving grandson for the rest of us to care for. Thank Goodness!! I couldn't bear the thought of a succession of daddies for him.
So I finally got the court to grant me custody. Now she says I took him from her. It hasn't made her clean herself up for him though. I would be so grateful to give him back to her if she would only get into recovery. But until then I will fight her tooth and nail for that little guy.
_______________
Trish
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i am sorry for you & the babys. it is not your rent & it should not be paid by you. if you do not pay it they will probley find a way.they find their ways to use. i am glad to see you back & glad you are going to a meeting. i paid my d.i.l."s bills while my a.s. was in prison to find out that she was drinking & using the times my son was gone. i really regret it. i hold a lot of resentment toward her because of this.i had no idea. we take the responsiblity away from our kids & it does not help them at all. using or not i wish i had not have done this.i hope your son & his g.f. see the light & will go to it soon.prayers,hope
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Stephensmom,
I'm so sorry you have to start all over with this again. They do not deserve to have those babies and those babies do not deserve to have them as parents. Until they can provide a secure and stable enviorment for them they should not be living with them. Take care of yourself and those babies. They will take care of themselves.
Prayers for your family.............Lo
I'm so sorry you have to start all over with this again. They do not deserve to have those babies and those babies do not deserve to have them as parents. Until they can provide a secure and stable enviorment for them they should not be living with them. Take care of yourself and those babies. They will take care of themselves.
Prayers for your family.............Lo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 48
I totally agree and right now for me it is about the babies. I am going to take them this weekend and try to figure out a way that they will let me take them until (if ever) they get themselves together. They are at his gf's mom's house.
I am trying not to involve the police or anything even though I may be forced to. I am hoping that they get evicted from the apt and she will be forced to move back home to her mom's with the kids.
I am trying not to involve the police or anything even though I may be forced to. I am hoping that they get evicted from the apt and she will be forced to move back home to her mom's with the kids.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Originally Posted by stephensmom 
I spoke with someone from the Human Services office yesterday and suggested that I take the kids as much as possible and maybe even have them agree to let me keep them until they get it together.
Not having children to take care of can mean more freedom to drug and party.
I have a granddaughter living with me and thankfully, her mother is here too.
I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her to see a good and decent life.
I hope things work out for you and the babies.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
oh, PS,
Perhaps some incentives to get them to turn over the children to you would be:
They could visit their children.
They would know the babies are not going to go without and wouldn't have to worry one bit about them.
Gee, I can't think of anything else, but I am sure you can.
Perhaps some incentives to get them to turn over the children to you would be:
They could visit their children.
They would know the babies are not going to go without and wouldn't have to worry one bit about them.
Gee, I can't think of anything else, but I am sure you can.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Stephensmom,
Welcome back. I hope you're able to find a meeting and start attending regularly. Also, there's great support here on this board, so just make yourself at home once again.
Will keep you and your family in my prayers as you sort our this thing with the babies.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Welcome back. I hope you're able to find a meeting and start attending regularly. Also, there's great support here on this board, so just make yourself at home once again.
Will keep you and your family in my prayers as you sort our this thing with the babies.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Welcome back...I'm so sorry for the reasons that brought you back though...Addiction is a horrible disease. I'm sure you can see by the changes in your son from doing well and being responsible that it is so true that relapse quickly brings the addict back to where he would have progressed had he not stopped.
I'm very glad you reached out again and will seek out meetings. NJ has a good amount of Alanon and Naranon so you should be able to get some great face to face support as well.
I am so glad you are there for those babies. Sending prayers for all of you. Mom to mom hugs
I'm very glad you reached out again and will seek out meetings. NJ has a good amount of Alanon and Naranon so you should be able to get some great face to face support as well.
I am so glad you are there for those babies. Sending prayers for all of you. Mom to mom hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 48
Thank you all for your support.
My son's gf moved back to her mom's yesterday because she is fighting with my son. So right now at least I know that my grandchildren are not at the apt.
Now I am just trying to go on and not allow myself to get depressed.
He has to run his course and i am just glad when I wake up in the morning to no messages or missed calls on my phone.
He doesn't call as much as she does with the constant updates which I really don't need being that there is really nothing I can do about it.
Is it wrong that I turn my phones off at night? I just can't stand phone calls at night time. Most of the time I can't do anything anyway and if there is an emergency than they need to contact the police.
Does this make me a bad person?
My son's gf moved back to her mom's yesterday because she is fighting with my son. So right now at least I know that my grandchildren are not at the apt.
Now I am just trying to go on and not allow myself to get depressed.
He has to run his course and i am just glad when I wake up in the morning to no messages or missed calls on my phone.
He doesn't call as much as she does with the constant updates which I really don't need being that there is really nothing I can do about it.
Is it wrong that I turn my phones off at night? I just can't stand phone calls at night time. Most of the time I can't do anything anyway and if there is an emergency than they need to contact the police.
Does this make me a bad person?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
This makes you a wise person whose recovery is shining through.
Turning your phone off, asking to NOT be updated, are all about taking good care of yourself. If answering the phone and knowing the grim details could ever help our addicts, not one of us would be here.
But we are, and we're walking with you all the way.
Hugs
Turning your phone off, asking to NOT be updated, are all about taking good care of yourself. If answering the phone and knowing the grim details could ever help our addicts, not one of us would be here.
But we are, and we're walking with you all the way.
Hugs
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