rosie323

Hi All - question, so my ex had been binge drinking for years. Every 2 weeks or so would spend 2-3 days drinking very heavily and going through the full roller-coaster of spending the next few days feeling guilty and cleaning himself up. It was very obvious where in the cycle he was at. The last big fall I know was early June. Since then he has been to 4-5 AA classes (not much!), some therapy, and a 3-day retreat with a psycho-healer type. I do know of times over the past few months were he did drank, but doesn't seem like they were nearly as heavy or destructive. Now I see him out having a few social drinks and have chatted with him the next morning and he seems fine. I am totally confused. He stopped everything, AA, therapy, did push me out - said he doesn't want to talk to me about this anymore, so I haven't in over a month and has said that everything is fine now. He seems happier, but is this possible? He was at a big party in the Hamptons this weekend (everyone there was a huge drinker) - no idea what he did, but if he had a few drinks was able to stop and go hiking the next day. Can a heavy binge drinker go to a few mtgs and a retreat and now socially drink? He isn't reaching out to me anymore like he did when he was drinking nor does he seem to be spending 2-3 recovering from his fall offs. Will he go back to the heavy binge drinking?

LaTeeDa

Who knows what someone else will or won't do? How is obsessing about his behavior enhancing your life?

L

parentrecovers

most of the folks i have met in recovery say they cannot social drink. yes, they go back to the old drinking habits..

Astro

I suppose anything's possible, but my experience and that of many others has shown that once we are a pickle we can never be a cucumber again. Nope, the progression of the disease pretty much assures that I can never drink normally again.

I can try some "controlled drinking", but sooner or later the mental obsession will kick in full-force and I'll be back to full-blown alcoholism in no time, by what I understand we pick up right where we left off, and usually progress faster towards end-stage alcoholism. I'm pretty sure I don't want to find out for myself whether that's true or not.

hbb

My ex insisted he could socially drink once he quit with attending AA, clearly he couldn't and i believe he's back to his old ways. I think it's true about once a pickle.....

ARealLady

4-5 AA classes (not much!)

That sure isn't "working a programme"!

More than likely he is doing what is referred to in the jargon as "white knuckling". He wants a drink and is able to limit himself when he is in a social setting but....

he doesn't want to talk to me about this anymore,

That's because he is probably still drinking. XABF used to ask if I had finished "lecturing" him so that we could talk about "happier" things.

XABF hid it from me so well. I also believed he was fully in control of his drinking after a long period of sobriety but during which he didn't work a programme. It took me a long time to realize just how much he was drinking....coffee cups containing V & O at 10:30 am on weekends, getting up at night to drink, constant bouts of "the flu". Go and read the threads on the Alcoholism board here. You will probably recognize your X over and over again.

ARL

jillybean

Abf has told me he looks forward to being able to have a drink now and then to celebrate our old age when we get there. I have always heard and believed that total abstinence is the only way the disease can be managed when it comes to consuming alcohol. He got angry at my lack of faith in him to be able to control it.

Astro.. your post validated my position. I can't thank you enough for your candor and honesty.

I know that the slide is more slick if you ride it after being off it for any length of time. It is one ride I don't want to be able to first hand confirm the truth to that in my lifetime. Your posts really help lots. Please keep talking! I for one, am listening.

Astro

I tried for so many years to "control" my drinking, every time I ended up right back where I left off, and I "made up for lost time" by consuming more than I ever had. So much for control.

Abstinence is one way I can assure my sobriety, spirituality and a solid recovery program are tools I use to manage my insanity.

denny57

I do believe those who abuse alcohol can learn to drink socially. I do not think alcoholics can.

I'd suggest something, like Al-Anon, for yourself - to help take the focus off him and his drinking.

elizabeth1979

I have not seen it happen..my ex tried in unsuccessfully repeatedly...but his idea of social drinking was a 12 pack and 3 or 4 shots...

I am told my grandfather quit drinking cold turkey (was sick for days) and after that, for 30 some years until he died, had only one glass of champagne at my parents wedding. Im also told he didnt have a recovery program.

Every memory I have of him was of him acting like what I know now to be a dry drunk.

prodigal

In a nutshell: an alcoholic is an alcoholic is an alcoholic. There is no "social drinking" in the world of an alcoholic. They may call it "social" but to those of us who are not alcoholics, it certainly doesn't come close to anything resembling "social."

So what are you doing for YOU? You've given us a pretty comprehensive picture of his drinking. You claim to be totally confused. Any thoughts on how to clear up YOUR confusion? His drinking is owned by him, not you; which is why it's a sore topic for him. He's going to protect that addiction and to heck with you. So, once again, what you are you going to do for YOU???

guyinNC

No....No....No!

Jazzman

From my experience I have not seen it done successfully. But the people I have known were with out a doubt alcoholics.

ARealLady

There is no "social drinking" in the world of an alcoholic. They may call it "social" but to those of us who are not alcoholics, it certainly doesn't come close to anything resembling "social."


Often on questionnaires people get asked about their alcohol consumption and, unless you are a teetotaller, chances are most non-As will automatically respond as social drinkers (probably a lot of As will also tick that little box...wishful thinking!).

I guess that non-As, even though they consume alcohol, don't even think about the next drink. We'll go days, weeks or months maybe without a drink. If we get sick, alcohol is the very last thing we contemplate consuming. Some of us might think about alcohol and even "taste" it mentally when planning a meal but then alcohol complements the food or ingredients. If non-As are on a tight budget, usually alcohol purchases are removed from the shopping list without a second thought. Would the A in your life be able to do this?

When I was in my "naive" phase with XABF, he insisted on buying a bottle of local wine to go with dinner. It was undrinkable....just one step up from grape flavored koolaid. I took a sip and nearly gagged. XABF agreed that it was disgusting but....guess who finished my glass and drank up the whole bottle before early bedtime?

ARL

nan07

I have a book called "Sober For Good". In it, several people describe their experiences with alcoholism and sobriety and how they got sober and what "works" for them. There is one guy, an M.D. who considers himself to now be a social drinker. He drinks a couple of glasses of wine with dinner a few times a week. Another person allows himself alcohol on special occasions, like a champagne toast at a wedding- not a lot at all. However, the vast majority of people featured in that book abstain completely from alcohol. Just makes it easier to not have to be so vigilant all the time.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

"Can an alcoholic become a social drinker??"

No. If he IS alcoholic, than this situation is just a blip in his drinking career. The BB mentions the "moderate" drinker, maybe he is one, but if he isn't he'll find out soon enough.

Karen

Turtle Gal

I'm dealing with this very issue with my AH. About a month ago he told me he was done with AA, didn't want to be sober anymore, that he believes he can drink just one or two beers and control it, and he knows how bad it was in the past when he lost control, etc., that he has matured and changed. So far he has held to his word, but I'm waiting for the slippery slope, and going to Al-Anon to work on myself. I don't believe that alcoholics can go back to social drinking either, but time will tell.

steve11694

Arrest trips up 'moderate drinking' crusader's cause

Movement's founder sent to prison for two DUI fatalities

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/mod11.shtml

queenteree

Rosie,
I am the wife of a recovering A who was sober for over 14 years, then decided he was going to have "his time" and drink socially. It worked ... for about a year. Then full blown alcoholism came back with a vengence and he spiraled totally out of control for 3 or so years before becoming sober again 3 mos. ago. Now he jokes and tells people of his "research" to see if an A can socially drink and his research proved they can't. He's doing great in recovery though, so much better mindset than when he was sober the first 14 years!
Terri

PaperDolls

Can an alcoholic become a social drinker??...

I still wish I could but I don't think it would ever work for me. It never did in the past.