TrishaV

Would anyone be willing to tell me what i can expect when I attend a Nor-Anon meeting that is schedule for this evening? I have never been to a meeting of this type and just don't know what to expect when I get there. Please feel free to share with me you first time whether it was a good or bad experience.

cmc

Here is a link for one of our stickys that should answer some of your questions:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-naranon.html

Meetings can vary somewhat but they all stick to the same core guidelines. It's entirely up to you how much or if you want to participate. There are different formats for meetings- sometimes it can be a speaker meeting with sharing afterward or the meeting will focus on one topic. Regardless of how it's run, it is a safe place to listen and learn. The best thing is the knowledge that I am not alone and that others understand and offer support. I'm glad to hear you decided to attend a meeting, let us know how it goes!

TrishaV

I read the sticky's before I posted this and was trying to get the feeling on a more personal level on what to expect. You did help me with you answer by stating that it may be more like a meeting or a type of discussion group.

I think my general questions were something like: When i walk in am I expected to introduce myself and give a reason why I am attending? Or if I walk in will nothing be said. Just a little nervous and would be a little more settling if i knew what to expect.

caileesnana

When you go in you will see lots of people like you! Someone usually will come up and introduce, I usually find a seat and watch.You don't have to sign in, talk or do anything that makes you uncomfortable. They are all there for the same reason we are! If you don't like that meeting, there are others. I found one I fit better with after a few tries and I love it.

Glad you are going,
susan

cmc

They will let you know either by example or will tell you outright what you need to know. Once the meeting begins the person leading the meeting will read the basics of how they do things, and everyone in turn will introduce themselves by first name.
It's up to you if you want to share at all. In my experience most people warm up to the group right away- remember that everyone there shares a common, if not deep, bond from the start.

parentrecovers

at my alanon meetings, we always asked if anyone is attending their first meeting or if anyone is new to that specific meeting. if anyone raises their hand, we ask their first name only and welcome them. then, some one does a brief intro to alanon and the 3 c's. you can speak at your first meetings or just take a pass - your choice. after the meeting, sometimes a greeter will take a minute and say hello. or other folks may reach out.

it's ok to cry, be quiet, speak, whatever you want and need to do...

folks at alanon and naranon have been there, we understand.

Lobo

Truthfully, I didn't care for the naranon meeting that I attended. For me it was too much formallity. I felt like I was sitting with a bunch of robots who all repeated the same thing over and over. "Hi my name is Lois...Welcome Lois. Then the twelve steps were read.....Do we believe etc. all answer Yes. There was never really much of a sharing session. Too formal for me and I didn't get much out of it. I have yet to try another kind of meeting since then. I don't mean to sound narrow minded, but I'm not sure meetings are for me. I guess everyone has what works for them. I get more from SR and talking to friends who I can share with. Also a part of me resents the fact that I have to place myself at meetings that I don't want to go to because I didn't do anything wrong. Please don't take me wrong.....I don't have a bad attitude about meetings, they have helped a lot of people. In fact I might try a different one to just see for myself if maybe there is one that I could feel comfortable in. Everyone has to try and see if it works for them. I hope it works out for you and you gain what you are looking for.

Hugs............Lo

cmc

Trisha,
I also wanted to add that my home meetings were in Alanon. The idea of going to a meeting was not about which drug or who used it...but about me and my own needs. There was only one Naranon meeting that I could attend and I found my home group in Alanon. Attending that meeting in addition to many open NA and AA meetings saved my sanity and brought me to a place I never imagined could be.
Whether my son is clean or not...I still attend meetings for 'me' and it helps me in just about every aspect of my life.

caileesnana

There is also a group called Overcomers that I like. Same as NA/AA except more indepth bible study. Parents, SO's, Addicts, and Alcoholics all together. It is a different in structure, same thoughts, ideas, just not smokey and more "homey", or to me at least.

TrishaV

I don't want a program that puts me with the addicts at this point in time. I feel that I would say something that they don't want to hear...such as, How the H&& can you do this to you family? I have nothing nice to say to any addict and as it stands right now (not to sound mean) i feel they are self-centered people who only cared about themselves, never thought about how their actions would affect others. I have so much more to learn about them before I can even begin to understand why they do what they do. Someone said it is a sickness, I can openly say that I have tried several types of drugs gowring up, but never took them beyond their means...which i mean..I knew I had a family and I knew that drugs were not something that I wanted to play with. Now...as to accepting why these people choose the route that they did....i need to figure it out and see if their reasoning is something that I can deal with.

I am going to try the meeting, it is only an hour out of my life and if it helps...great...if it doesn't...that is okay too. I need to go in unafraid is the reason I opened this post. I want to know what to expect and when to expect it. I don't want to feel dumb and out of place...I too have it in my head..that I don't have a problem..why should i attend meetings...well...i keep telling myself that as long as I allow my daughters actions to affect me..then... i need something.

Lobo

Trish,
When I said that I resent going to meetings because I didn't do anything wrong...I didn't mean that I don't have a problem. Obviously I do or I wouldn't be suffering the way I do over my daughter. I resent the fact that her problem is making me work that hard and the less that I have to deal with the better off I am. I am willing to do a lot of things to help myself to feel better. I'm just not sure if meetings are the place for me. It seems when we are down and out we are advised to "go to a meeting". Well, I'd rather do something fun and take my mind off of it for a while.
It didn't make me feel better.....as a matter of fact I felt worse that I even had to make that a part of my weekly schedule. Maybe I'm being brutaly honest here but I am just expressing my feelings. Please don't allow this to persuade you one way or another......you need to find out for yourself. I hope and pray that you walk away with just the right thing to help you. I wish you the best.

Lo

JoyfulSunflower

Hi Trish -- My Al-anon meeting is my favorite part of my week, because I get to sit in a room with people who are really, really focused on becoming healthy. I always leave feeling better than I came in, because it reminds me that I can choose to be happy and peaceful NO MATTER WHAT is going on in my life. It reminds me of why I'm doing this recovery work myself -- I want what these people have! It reminds me that I have to do the work.

I tried at least seven meetings before I found a group that felt right to me. If someone hadn't told me to go to six different meetings, I would've stopped after the first two, believing that the entire program of Al-anon wasn't for me. I drive an hour to get to my meeting, because it's worth that much to me. I hope your first experience is a good one.... and if it doesn't feel quite right, I hope you'll keep trying! It takes a lot of courage to walk into a room of strangers -- blessings to you for taking this step!

greeteachday

In my home group, no one need explain why she is there...we all know why...the pain of loving an addict. Of course if the person wants to share, that's fine, but there is no need to do so.

As part of our opening, we go around the room each person says their first name, says how he or she feels and reads a Step or a Tradition (we have books. The small intro book is free and for our readings, you can buy Courage to Change or just use the group copies each week). Some people say one word responses (I feel ...good; scared; nervous; upset) Others may say a little more. We always ask if there are any newcomers and ask them to introduce themselves, first name only. This helps others in the group to recognize the first timer and lend support. By the way, on the introduction part, it isn't unusual for someone to just say their name and how she feels and ask to pass on reading a step. Everyone understands and whatever you feel comfortable with is just perfect.

You may feel comfortable sharing at your first meeting or you may just want to listen. There is a woman in my group who has been there at least 2 years and I have never heard her share. But she benefits and keeps coming back. i guess for her, just hearing and enjoying the serenity of the rooms works well for her.

One thing I didn't understand at first was what was meant by "no cross talk." Basically the idea in most groups is that anyone who wants to shares and there is not a back and forth conversation about it, or responding specifically with advice or opinions. Our group leaves the last 15 minutes of the meeting to talk about any specific problems or issues if someone would like to seek information on how others dealt with a situation. The beauty of the program is there is no judgement and everyone understands.

Please let us know how you make out. I'm so glad you are trying meetings...it's a great gift to give yourself!

greeteachday

Lo, I understand what you are saying...I went to quite a few meetings before I found the one for me. Some were too structured and rigid; others too many war stories...one was very small and I felt as if I was intruding. But when I walked into my home group i knew it was the right place to be. There was just a certain feeling of peace and the folks there had what to me felt like the right combination of program and personality...I'm not sure how to explain it other than to say they were "real." And they knew how to laugh and that was important to me...it felt wonderful to hear laughter again and to know that in time I could feel good enough that I would laugh too.

As far as the resentment, I don't think that is uncommon...I know my husband felt that way. But after a few meetings, as the focus really did shift to being about self healing and improvement not about addiction, that feeling evaporated. Even though addiction really is no longer in our lives, we both still choose to be very involved with Naranon since the program has helped us both so much in all aspects of life. I do hope you find the combination of things that work best for you...whether meetings, other groups, counseling or coming here. Hugs

TrishaV

Well..i accomplished a few things this evening. I had to drive through the town that my daughter hangs out in to get to my first meeting and I did this without looking in every nook and cranny for her. I caught myself looking..or taking a double look at a girl who, from behind, looked like my daughter but I made a left turn to avoid finding out. I am not ready to confront her with all the anger that i have at this point.

Anyhow, I pulled into the parking lot of the church where the meeting was and was greeted by a very nice women who came up to my truck and started talking to me right away. Of course, can you beleive that I couldn't remember the name of the program that I was there for (ugh). Anyhow, she explained to me that she doesn't have very many people that attend this program and there are evenings that she sits in the parking lot waiting for people. If they don't show then she just goes home. Of course this made me feel bad for her because she is spending her time trying to help people and people don't show up..leaving her waiting in the parking lot. Anyhow, she invited me inside and started to tell me a little about herself. There was a point that I felt somewhat comfortable enough to talk a little about why I was there. Shortly after that, another lady showed up and we walked through step one of the 12 step program.

This made me feel ackward because the other lady attending has been to meetings and i am sure has already been over the areas that were covered tonight. I really enjoyed talking with both these ladies, but feel that because their addict was their husband we really didn't connect. I think it would have been better for me had there been other people there who had children involved. Anyhow, I did feel better being able to talk about my situation and listening to things that they have been through. I am not giving up, I told the both of them that I will be back next Monday. I am not willing to give up.

I did look online and of course, like rehab centers...there are no other meetings in my area. I may search a local town that is bigger then my area to see what their meetings are like.

Thank you all for all your support and direction.

Lobo

Good for you........mission accomplished. You did what you set out to do. In thinking back about the meeting I attended the thing that was missing was the sharing. The expectations that I had were meeting other parents and talking about our situations. I guess I wanted to not feel so alone. I wanted something that was not so formal. Can you imagine a person sitting in the parking lot waiting for someone to show up? Pure dedication, bless her heart. I guess if there is more than one....it's a meeting. You sound determined, keep up the good work.

Hugs..........Lo

greeteachday

That's great! I'm so glad you had this opportunity. You may find there are a few more Alanon meetings around than Naranon...Alanon seems more established. I know for me, the difference was not so much Alanon or Naranon, it was the people. My group has quite a few parents of addicted children, and especially in early recovery, I found that beneficial.

In our group, we do step work once a month and the other time we take turns leading readings and discussion on a topic (Like denial, gratitude, acceptance, etc.) I enjoy that format...it does allow for a lot of sharing. I wish I could take you and Lolo to a meeting with me...I think you would really enjoy it.

I'm really impressed that you went through with this and are going back. I confess, during my search for meetings, I pulled into and out of a parking lot quickly when I saw only a couple of cars...Too fearful of being one of the only ones. I'm glad you have more strength and benefited from sticking around. Hugs