What's in your addicts wallet?
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
What's in your addicts wallet?
I remember when I first came on board how sick I was over my exabf and his crack/cocaine addiction.
I drove myself crazy looking through everything I could get my little hands on of his daily. I was endlessly searching for evidence I could bust him with.
I was driven to find out what I already knew in my gut to be true.
I stayed awake till all hours of the night waiting for him to finally fall asleep so I could go through his wallet. I'd take his cell phone to another room, lock the door and muffel the sound of it turning on so I could scroll through his calls to see if he'd contacted any dealers or drug buddies then sneak the phone back and made sure I put it in the exact same position I found it in so he wouldn't know.
I was COMPLETELY obsessed with the truth knowing darn good and well I wasn't going to hear it from him and even if he could tell the truth, I wouldn't believe him at that point anyhow.
My eyes had permanent bags under them.......dark circles makeup couldn't hide. My face was all sunken in from all the weight I had lost from worry. I lived with a permanent pit in my stomach. I lost focus on everything and anything that mattered. Eventually I lost myself to his addiction.
It wasn't until I found SR that I was able to learn about detachment, setting boundaries and the toughest one............."Letting go and letting God".
The only thing I can ever control is myself and my actions. The only one I'm accountable for is myself. Even to this day, anything else gets left in the "Big Guy's" hands.
Oh what an enormous weight off my shoulders knowing that I don't have to be in control of everything all the time.
The pit in my stomach has since gone away. My face has filled back out and I packed the bags that were under my eyes and sent them on a permanent vacation.
So what's in my addicts wallet?? None of my damn business. That's what.
Gosh that feels good LOL.
I drove myself crazy looking through everything I could get my little hands on of his daily. I was endlessly searching for evidence I could bust him with.
I was driven to find out what I already knew in my gut to be true.
I stayed awake till all hours of the night waiting for him to finally fall asleep so I could go through his wallet. I'd take his cell phone to another room, lock the door and muffel the sound of it turning on so I could scroll through his calls to see if he'd contacted any dealers or drug buddies then sneak the phone back and made sure I put it in the exact same position I found it in so he wouldn't know.
I was COMPLETELY obsessed with the truth knowing darn good and well I wasn't going to hear it from him and even if he could tell the truth, I wouldn't believe him at that point anyhow.
My eyes had permanent bags under them.......dark circles makeup couldn't hide. My face was all sunken in from all the weight I had lost from worry. I lived with a permanent pit in my stomach. I lost focus on everything and anything that mattered. Eventually I lost myself to his addiction.
It wasn't until I found SR that I was able to learn about detachment, setting boundaries and the toughest one............."Letting go and letting God".
The only thing I can ever control is myself and my actions. The only one I'm accountable for is myself. Even to this day, anything else gets left in the "Big Guy's" hands.
Oh what an enormous weight off my shoulders knowing that I don't have to be in control of everything all the time.
The pit in my stomach has since gone away. My face has filled back out and I packed the bags that were under my eyes and sent them on a permanent vacation.
So what's in my addicts wallet?? None of my damn business. That's what.
Gosh that feels good LOL.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Well said and well done, Loves.
I remember that obsession well, I'd even call the phone company to fax me my newest statement so I didn't have to wait for the mail. I could see who my son called and where he was when he called them and, as many times as I did that, it never once gave me peace.
And putting things back "exactly" as they were before we picked them up...yup, I remember that too. I'm not sure what I expected to find, but sometimes I'd find a subway transfer that would tell me by it's location that he had not gone to his meeting....duh, he is an addict and addicts do things like that. And then, rather then present the "evidence" I would tell him I "knew" and not tell him how I knew...how sick we both were, yes?
Nope, I turned in my badge and no more codie detective for me. Today I trust my instinct for just about anything and if something doesn't seem right, I know in my heart it is not...no matter who or what the situation, my lessons on instinct served me well.
I am so grateful today that the obsession is gone, and I pray that by the Grace of God and by working my program, it will never return again.
Thanks Loves, for the reminder of how sick we can become when we live in their disease rather than in our own recovery.
Hugs
I remember that obsession well, I'd even call the phone company to fax me my newest statement so I didn't have to wait for the mail. I could see who my son called and where he was when he called them and, as many times as I did that, it never once gave me peace.
And putting things back "exactly" as they were before we picked them up...yup, I remember that too. I'm not sure what I expected to find, but sometimes I'd find a subway transfer that would tell me by it's location that he had not gone to his meeting....duh, he is an addict and addicts do things like that. And then, rather then present the "evidence" I would tell him I "knew" and not tell him how I knew...how sick we both were, yes?
Nope, I turned in my badge and no more codie detective for me. Today I trust my instinct for just about anything and if something doesn't seem right, I know in my heart it is not...no matter who or what the situation, my lessons on instinct served me well.
I am so grateful today that the obsession is gone, and I pray that by the Grace of God and by working my program, it will never return again.
Thanks Loves, for the reminder of how sick we can become when we live in their disease rather than in our own recovery.
Hugs
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
Haven't lived with addict son for a long time now...it's been years.
I recall going through his clothes, looking for money missing from my purse and grocery money cookie jar.
Never found any! All this was before finding Alanon and I remember feeling "crazy".
He'd always deny having taken any of course, look me straight in the eyes and say I must have spent or misplaced it. Then I would doubt myself, thinking I must be going nuts. I wasn't LOL.
What's going on in his life is none of my business today.
I really like live and let live. I'm living in peace today, living the best life I can. Hoooorayyyyy.
I recall going through his clothes, looking for money missing from my purse and grocery money cookie jar.
Never found any! All this was before finding Alanon and I remember feeling "crazy".
He'd always deny having taken any of course, look me straight in the eyes and say I must have spent or misplaced it. Then I would doubt myself, thinking I must be going nuts. I wasn't LOL.
What's going on in his life is none of my business today.
I really like live and let live. I'm living in peace today, living the best life I can. Hoooorayyyyy.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I never went thru my As wallet, but I had good training nonetheless. When I was a little girl (a codie apprentice, I suppose) I would get up on Christmas morning before anyone else... I would sneak downstairs and I would go thru everyone's stocking! I remember diligently placing each item down as I took it out so I could put it back in exactly the same order...
If that isn't the beginning of Codie Detective Training, I don't know what is !
Gosh I feel better getting that off my chest. Back to work.
Cats
If that isn't the beginning of Codie Detective Training, I don't know what is !
Gosh I feel better getting that off my chest. Back to work.
Cats
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
LOL Cats. I did the same. I attribute my inborn "detective" snooping to my natural inborn strong sense of curiosity. It continues to serve me well in life as I love discovering and learning in many areas of interest.
Mother used to call me the archaeologist of the family.
Mother used to call me the archaeologist of the family.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
aaaaaah, well said Loves
I too, have lost the deep aching pain in my stomach. My dark circles have gone away, and when AH comes to the house, or calls on the phone, I don't need to catch him in the act, or snoop for his drung use because I "KNOW" by other signs and that's good enough. He cannot make me feel crazy anymore. What a relief that is, isn't it?
This "letting go" also, has allowed me to brush off anxiety about bills and such. Made me a happier mommy that's for sure. I have never giggles so much with my son ever!
I too, have lost the deep aching pain in my stomach. My dark circles have gone away, and when AH comes to the house, or calls on the phone, I don't need to catch him in the act, or snoop for his drung use because I "KNOW" by other signs and that's good enough. He cannot make me feel crazy anymore. What a relief that is, isn't it?
This "letting go" also, has allowed me to brush off anxiety about bills and such. Made me a happier mommy that's for sure. I have never giggles so much with my son ever!
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Cats and Frankie.....you guys crack me up. 
For me the biggest issue was control. For whatever reason I felt by looking for clues I was in control of the situation, but it's really quite the opposite.
The more I tried to control the outcome of any situation the worse it became. I always wondered "Why me?" but the fact was I was doing most of this to myself and blaming my addict for everything.
The fact is, my actions were not his fault. I gave myself the roll of investigator, interrigator, judge, manipulator and professional spaz. I always said that he was driving me crazy, but in reality I was driving myself nuts. It's so much easier to place the blame on the addict all the time rather than take a look at yourself and your part in the whole fiasco.
It's so much easier when you can finally let it go and focus on yourself and do what you need to. "Hands off the addict" takes a lot of practice, but when you finally get it..............Gosh it is so freeing!!
For me the biggest issue was control. For whatever reason I felt by looking for clues I was in control of the situation, but it's really quite the opposite.
The more I tried to control the outcome of any situation the worse it became. I always wondered "Why me?" but the fact was I was doing most of this to myself and blaming my addict for everything.
The fact is, my actions were not his fault. I gave myself the roll of investigator, interrigator, judge, manipulator and professional spaz. I always said that he was driving me crazy, but in reality I was driving myself nuts. It's so much easier to place the blame on the addict all the time rather than take a look at yourself and your part in the whole fiasco.
It's so much easier when you can finally let it go and focus on yourself and do what you need to. "Hands off the addict" takes a lot of practice, but when you finally get it..............Gosh it is so freeing!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 72
I needed this one...that's me 100% Loves, but I go the extra step and go online to Crimestoppers and report every phone number, and every little detail I find out about his dealers. I even gave them a description of my husband, his place of work, the bar he goes to to hook up, his license plate and description of his car and time of day he usually hooks up. Now if that ain't sick, I don't know what is!!!!
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Originally Posted by CrushedbyCrack 
I needed this one...that's me 100% Loves, but I go the extra step and go online to Crimestoppers and report every phone number, and every little detail I find out about his dealers. I even gave them a description of my husband, his place of work, the bar he goes to to hook up, his license plate and description of his car and time of day he usually hooks up. Now if that ain't sick, I don't know what is!!!!
LOL.........Oh sweetie. Wanna hear what I did one time?? I borrowed my landlord's golf cart and rode around the neighborhood with a pad and pen. I knew where all the drugs were being sold so I wrote down addresses, license plate numbers, vehicle describtions.........the whole 9 yards and called the sheriff's department with all of the "data" I had collected.
I thought I deserved the "Citizen of the year" award.
Know what they did about it? Absolutely NOTHING.
That was another turning point with me to finally let it go. Every time I tried to do what I thought was the right thing to do I hit a wall and hurt myself over and over again. Drugs suck..........bottom line, but we don't have to let it control us.....rule over our lives and how we live......even if we are still with the addicts in our lives.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
crushed.....crimestoppers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!how funny is that?
after my husbands last relapse I took his phone and called the #s over and over yelling and calling the people nasty names.,.............stupid yeah but It felt good to get out some of the anger to bad I didnt think of crimestoppers
after my husbands last relapse I took his phone and called the #s over and over yelling and calling the people nasty names.,.............stupid yeah but It felt good to get out some of the anger to bad I didnt think of crimestoppers
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I have been obsessive like that in a previous life. It only made me more and more insane. It was horrible to have to live like that.
Alanon helped me tremendously. It helps so many people. We get uncrazy, we find peace in our own skin.
How is your health? Are you doing alright?
Hugs
Alanon helped me tremendously. It helps so many people. We get uncrazy, we find peace in our own skin.
How is your health? Are you doing alright?
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: 02170
Posts: 18
i was able to check his wallet only once. nothing in it... i watch my own wallet more than his. sometimes i just leave mine in the safe at work. it's always fun to go through the dresser, nightstand, check the car. never found anything besides new needles...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: lyles Tennessee
Posts: 21
Wow I can't imagine living like that again. Kicked him out as soon as I found out....been there done that!! I was packing up more of his stuff yesterday and found a little tin with a vial that had pot seeds in it and some rolling papers. I crushed the seeds up with a knife and sprinkled water on them so they will mold, hopefully and put them back in the vial, and put the pack of papers down on the cutting board and drilled a hole right in the middle with a sharp knife. That felt good!! Then put it in with the rest of his stuff on the front porch
. Now I gotta tell him to come get his crap. We are stronger for putting our foot down and saying ENOUGH ALREADY!
. Now I gotta tell him to come get his crap. We are stronger for putting our foot down and saying ENOUGH ALREADY!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
