respektingme

My AH's pal from rehab had been on a bender since last Thursday. AH went over there at 11:30pm and spent the night with the guy. Then AH took him to breakfast this morning. He told the guy he would be available today to go with him to an AA meeting. Meanwhile, the guy's wife and kids left and are staying with her mother. His parents are worried. They are all grateful that my AH came over.

So this morning, my AH made some odd comments.

1. AH said he can't stop wondering if the guy is drinking now or will drink today.
2. AH said the guy kept talking about the reasons he drank and AH said they made no sense.
3. AH said he saw pictures of the guy's kids and AH is baffled as to why the guy would risk losing his family over booze.
4. AH said the guy is in denial that his wife will ever really leave him. The guy said, "She loves me, she'll come back." AH spoke with the wife and believes she is ready to leave.
5. AH said it was sad to watch this guy be drunk.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!!!! Okay, so I had to bite my tongue off. But I think I did okay.

So AH says, "I guess I just caught a glimpse of what you've been through, because I'm not married to him and it was only one night."

I added, "Yeah, and it's cummulative."

Other than that, I rejected the urge to pound him with more stories about the countless hours I've wasted being a codie while watching him drink. I tried to appreciate the moment and the "AHAAAA" feelings he was having.

I did tell him that I thought he'd make a good sponsor one day. One of the skills he is appreciated for most at work is being a leader and knowing how to deal with employees. I can see how being a sponsor would really help someone stay sober. It's now a responsibility to stay sober and others are counting on you. It's a good feeling to help someone else. I hope he gives back, not just for others, but for AH, and me and our family. Give, give, give!!!! I love it!!!

Mr. Christian

I think he has years before he can ever even think of being a sponsor.
Sponsors have years of program and it does not sound like he is even working one.

Hopefully he and his new buddy could hit some meetings together.

respektingme

Mr. C,

I think my AH already knows he'd need years of sobriety and the program before he'd ever be considered for such a responsibility. He has about 40 days. I think perhaps it's just a goal of his and one I secretly aspire for him to have as well.

What do you mean he's not working the program?

DesertEyes

Hello there Respektinme,

I'm glad to hear your good news. Watching someone we love make progress is awesome. Me thinks you did real good keeping quiet and letting him discover his "AHA" moment all on his own.

As far as sponsorship and "working the program", the official view of AA is that each of us shares _only_ our _personal_ experience. Therefore nobody in AA can tell another person whether the other person is, or is not, working their program. Telling other people how "well" they are doing is a symptom of a control-seeking co-dependant. Feel free to refer such people to al-anon

Sponsorship has no requirements. 40 days is more than enough for one drunk to reach out to another and share a little experience. The original founders of AA started sponsoring each other with only _one_ day of sobriety. So your husband has 40 times more time sober than the original founders did.

I'm really happy for you and your hubby. You guys are in my prayers every day.

Mike