respektingme

AH has been sober 32 days. He's going to AA every single day. He's really working the program. I am cautiously optimistic.

3 months ago he went to Chicago on business and got wasted every night at the hotel.

In September, he's scheduled to go back to Chicago for 4 days. I've been reasoning that the kids and I would drive and have a mini-vacation with him. It's too early in his recovery for him to be trusted out of his routine. I'm too afraid that he's going to blow it.

He says I'm going to have to trust him and that the kids shouldn't miss school.

I think a few days of missed school won't hurt them as much as his inability to stay sober.

I know it's out of my control. It just seems easy for him to maintain his sobriety when he's in a routine at home. As soon as he's out of it, historically he loses his sobriety.

This sucks.

atalose

Listen to your husband, he needs a wife now not a babysitter. Allow him this oportunity to grow in his recovery because no matter what, you can't control his recovery and that is what you are attempting to do.

sunshine321

Codie behavior talking for you. I know you are scared to let him venture and I know you want to believe that his recovery is real. But you're attempting to control him and his recovery. It won't help. You are trying to put a bandaid on a gash. If he is truly serious about his recovery, he won't "blow" it. Even if he is out of his routine, he won't blow it. He will do all the things he is supposed to without you telling him. He will look up meetings in the Chicago area and attend every day if he is serious about his recovery. He will not drink if he wants to remain sober. Help him to grow and give him the trust he's earned thus far. Let go and let God. And your children's lives shouldn't be interupted because you feel the need to watch over your husband. That's not fair to them. Stop focusing on him and focus on yourself. And get to an Al-Anon meeting and share your fears f2f. It will help.

Jenny

ARealLady

I think a few days of missed school won't hurt them as much as his inability to stay sober.


Sorry but this just screams co-dependency.

Just like you didn't make him drink, you can't make him not drink.

You are looking for excuses to keep things under control and dragging your children into it too. As a former teacher, I hated it when parents "removed" their kids from my classroom and it wasn't because I wanted to control them! I had a curriculum to deliver and my ability to deliver that curriculum on time was based on all students being present in the classroom.

OK...LOL...teacher hat is off now!

When I was about 18 and dating and still living at home, I couldn't understand why I had a curfew, which always seemed unfairly early. My mother implied that I would get up to no good after 11pm until I reminded her that anything I could do at midnight I could do just as easily at noon! It was only when I became a parent of teenagers who wanted to stay out late that I realized I slept better when everyone was safely home for the night. Trust your HP!

ARL

hadenoughnow

I know it's tough, but remember the three C's. He can fall off the wagon even if you take the kids out of school and go with him.

lillamy

It's harsh truth, but atalose makes a very good point. You've got to let him go.

respektingme

Alright, alright. I knew what you all were going to say, lol. In the back of my brain, there was a mini-me saying the same thing. But I have been wrestling with it for weeks. Feels good to have that battle overwith. So, he'll just go. And he'll make his own decisions. And I'll leave it to my HP. That's all I can do. Changing old behaviors isn't that easy. I'm learning though, because my old ways SUCK and left me MISERABLE!!! Had to get that out. Thank you all.