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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: reality
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great image
last night at al-anon this woman was telling a story about how she was going about getting the addict away from her. Like all of us straight people she was writing long e-mails and trying to show him, in a reasonable way, why it made sense for her not to have anything to do with him and why she wants him to stay away. We have all done it, tried to appeal to their reason and emotions and intelligence.
So she went through a few drafts, and ended up with everything from a 5 page letter to a two paragraph one and nothing seemed quite right, not expressing what she wanted to say. Then, as often happens, she put it aside and in the middle of the night had a revelation.
She described it like this:
The cat is on the table, and you want it off because it is unhygienic and cat hair gets all over your stuff. Well, what do you do? You don't explain to the cat why you want it off the table, you don't try to convince it that your point of view -- that the reason you don't like it up there, makes sense, you don't plead and agonize and walk into the other room trying to decide what to do and how to do it without hurting feelings and composing letters or speeches, NO, you just say "SKAT, OFF THE TABLE CAT!!!!"
Because, we all know, the cat doesn't understand why you don't want it there, the cat is a different species and is not going to see your point of view, all that reasoning and logic and explaining is lost on it and not going to change it's basic behavior, and reality is, it is your house, your table, and you get to decide if the cat is going to be on it or not.
As my shrink always points out --I am trying to apply "normal" person logic and expectations of behavior to an "abnormal" (if not downright mentally ill) person.
Basically, it is like we are two different species -- the users and the no users, the clean and straight versus the dirty and drunk or high or whatever.
So she went through a few drafts, and ended up with everything from a 5 page letter to a two paragraph one and nothing seemed quite right, not expressing what she wanted to say. Then, as often happens, she put it aside and in the middle of the night had a revelation.
She described it like this:
The cat is on the table, and you want it off because it is unhygienic and cat hair gets all over your stuff. Well, what do you do? You don't explain to the cat why you want it off the table, you don't try to convince it that your point of view -- that the reason you don't like it up there, makes sense, you don't plead and agonize and walk into the other room trying to decide what to do and how to do it without hurting feelings and composing letters or speeches, NO, you just say "SKAT, OFF THE TABLE CAT!!!!"
Because, we all know, the cat doesn't understand why you don't want it there, the cat is a different species and is not going to see your point of view, all that reasoning and logic and explaining is lost on it and not going to change it's basic behavior, and reality is, it is your house, your table, and you get to decide if the cat is going to be on it or not.
As my shrink always points out --I am trying to apply "normal" person logic and expectations of behavior to an "abnormal" (if not downright mentally ill) person.
Basically, it is like we are two different species -- the users and the no users, the clean and straight versus the dirty and drunk or high or whatever.
Last edited by oneeyeopen; 08-23-2007 at 06:40 AM. Reason: spellling
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
So true. It's like arguing with someone who doesn't speak a word of your language. You can yell and wave and use big words and do whatever you want....but it's all pointless. Love the cat analogy!!
GL
GL
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere, out there...
Posts: 512
it's like trying to reason with a two year old - the two year old only knows what it wants and the parent knows what's best - so the parent just says no - the 2 year old gets mad but finally doesn't do it anymore - the addict????????
thanks...
s
thanks...
s
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