Why is it so hard for me to be honest about my drinking?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Minneapolis,Mn.
Posts: 52
Why is it so hard for me to be honest about my drinking?
Here's a short version of my story. In the last 8 years I've been in AA 4 different times only to get 3-4 months of sobriety and then start to drink again. I had 90 days on the 15 of July and started with just a few beers. I still go to meetings occassionaly but can't get myself to openly admit that I've been drinking. Part of my brain says" It's ok....just a few" and it makes me feel it's not so bad. Another part says " You idiot...Why can't you do this?".....For me it has to be a SURRENDER thing and I don't feel I'm ready yet and it scares me...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi,
It does sound like you are not yet ready to admit drinking is a problem for you. It's really to stop drinking and to stay sober and it takes a lot of commitment and motivation. You need to believe you need to stop.
Since you have stopped in the past, you know that you can do that. Maybe you need to look at what you were doing in order to stay sober. What things had you changed in your life to maintain your sobriety?
You can do this!
It does sound like you are not yet ready to admit drinking is a problem for you. It's really to stop drinking and to stay sober and it takes a lot of commitment and motivation. You need to believe you need to stop.
Since you have stopped in the past, you know that you can do that. Maybe you need to look at what you were doing in order to stay sober. What things had you changed in your life to maintain your sobriety?
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi confused,
Some part of you must believe that your drinking is a problem or you wouldn't keep going back to AA. Normal drinkers don't do that.
If you haven't already, I would suggest getting a sponsor and start working on the steps. This may help you to be accountable to someone about your slips.
I hope you don't wait until your brain tells you you're ready, because I believe that's the addicts voice trying to keep you in denial.
You can do this. It's hard work, but many of us are doing it. Why not join us?
Rowan
Some part of you must believe that your drinking is a problem or you wouldn't keep going back to AA. Normal drinkers don't do that.
If you haven't already, I would suggest getting a sponsor and start working on the steps. This may help you to be accountable to someone about your slips.
I hope you don't wait until your brain tells you you're ready, because I believe that's the addicts voice trying to keep you in denial.
You can do this. It's hard work, but many of us are doing it. Why not join us?
Rowan
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
It took 5 years of AA for me to earn a 1 year medallion.Here is a link to the book that convinced me to finally quit
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I used that information ...
re-newed my committment to God and AA
and have not had a drink since then.
You also may want to explore other programs
you can find a list in the sticky post where the link is.
Recovery Rocks!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi Confusedindenver,
You are being honest with us and that takes courage...
I had the hardest problem admitting I was an alcoholic for two reasons...First, I was in my late teens and I wanted to be like most teens,"I can handle this..." I felt that if I wasn't like all the other people who drank, I would be considered a weak person...Secondly, I didn't want to believe I was going down the same road as my parents...Both parents died from alcoholism...
I hope you don't HAVE to go down the same road I have...I had to lose everything and was on the brink of death...
Keep posting, we are glad you are here.
You are being honest with us and that takes courage...
I had the hardest problem admitting I was an alcoholic for two reasons...First, I was in my late teens and I wanted to be like most teens,"I can handle this..." I felt that if I wasn't like all the other people who drank, I would be considered a weak person...Secondly, I didn't want to believe I was going down the same road as my parents...Both parents died from alcoholism...
I hope you don't HAVE to go down the same road I have...I had to lose everything and was on the brink of death...
Keep posting, we are glad you are here.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
So, what would it take for you to surrender? Are you thinking about all the "yets" that haven't happened? The very fact that you can stop for a period of time and then go back to it says something right there..I can't tell you how many times I did that..ON MY OWN. For me, it took almost losing my house to foreclosure, the ending of my SECOND marriage, the loss of the love of my life. Do you want to wait until that happens?
I'm sober for six months now because of AA. Reach out, get numbers, get a sponsor. I KNOW it's uncomfortable..it has been a struggle for me personally to reach out..but it is worth the momentary unease..
Hang in there..
Karen
I'm sober for six months now because of AA. Reach out, get numbers, get a sponsor. I KNOW it's uncomfortable..it has been a struggle for me personally to reach out..but it is worth the momentary unease..
Hang in there..
Karen
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful.
Wheather i think or admit i have a problem or not won't stop alcoholism from
kicking my butt. That's what it dose, it confuse the hell out of us and keeps
us in it's grip, the moment we do okay, it said it's okay this time, it'll be
differnent, Then we figure out that it's not and maybe i might actaully
break free. But nope !!! it's cunning as hell so it'll throw guilt and shame
in there to keep us in it's grip again and again. it'll say"you mess up, so
you might as will mess up really, really good. To the piont of where we
wish we could just die from all the torment, But nope !!! ,it's power as hell
becuase we find youself getting drunk again the nextday, after swearing
we would never do that again. Deeper and deeper we fall, we can never,
never be ready. We tried to convience ourselve we're normal and we're
like other people...baffling it is keeping us in the a merry go
round ...round and round we go again.
my god..if there is a god, please save my freaken ass from this madness
call alcoholism. I'm short of calling it the devil himself working 24/7 just
to get to me, but that would be too religion of me.
But it is a freaken living hell never the less. i wish it upon no one.
i pray god save your ass too.
maybe BW and AA is full of sheit and crazy or maybe not.
he wrote " we are defenceless against the first drink"
That makesence to me. It makesence to me becuase
I've gone through hell and back.
Wheather i think or admit i have a problem or not won't stop alcoholism from
kicking my butt. That's what it dose, it confuse the hell out of us and keeps
us in it's grip, the moment we do okay, it said it's okay this time, it'll be
differnent, Then we figure out that it's not and maybe i might actaully
break free. But nope !!! it's cunning as hell so it'll throw guilt and shame
in there to keep us in it's grip again and again. it'll say"you mess up, so
you might as will mess up really, really good. To the piont of where we
wish we could just die from all the torment, But nope !!! ,it's power as hell
becuase we find youself getting drunk again the nextday, after swearing
we would never do that again. Deeper and deeper we fall, we can never,
never be ready. We tried to convience ourselve we're normal and we're
like other people...baffling it is keeping us in the a merry go
round ...round and round we go again.
my god..if there is a god, please save my freaken ass from this madness
call alcoholism. I'm short of calling it the devil himself working 24/7 just
to get to me, but that would be too religion of me.
But it is a freaken living hell never the less. i wish it upon no one.
i pray god save your ass too.
maybe BW and AA is full of sheit and crazy or maybe not.
he wrote " we are defenceless against the first drink"
That makesence to me. It makesence to me becuase
I've gone through hell and back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 66
The thing about my alcoholism that I cannot get past is how much better I feel in the morning when I have not gotten drunk the night before.
As long as we can appreciate the effects of NOT drinking, we will be successful.
When I was younger, this was not a big deal to me, as I could drink heavily and not suffer ill effects.
No more. Drunkytown is NOT an option.
As long as we can appreciate the effects of NOT drinking, we will be successful.
When I was younger, this was not a big deal to me, as I could drink heavily and not suffer ill effects.
No more. Drunkytown is NOT an option.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
CID... welcome to the wide wide world of recovery...
CID cuz are affliction says we dont have a problem we cant handle...
it wants us dead!
all good wishes CID...
xxoo, rz
CID
Why is it so hard for me to be honest about my drinking?
it wants us dead!
all good wishes CID...
xxoo, rz
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