understand intellectually, not emotionally
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
understand intellectually, not emotionally
That's what I was told at the 12 Step meeting Thursday. I'll go to Overcomers group tomorrow and listen some more. Hopefully, something will click w/ my emotions soon! I don't like where I am.
susan
susan
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Susan, Don't beat yourself up. You will get there. I know you will. When you want something so badly and it doesn't come, I know it can be discouraging. Just remember that there is a reason that you need to feel all your feelings and go through what you are going through. I went through the whole wanting to hire a hit man, etc.
Now I am praying for my daughter's abf. So things do change. Hugs, Marle
Now I am praying for my daughter's abf. So things do change. Hugs, Marle
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
As long as I have been in my own recovery, I continue to learn and grow. I have gone through some pretty emotional times, and from these experiences, I learn, and gain a bit more wisdom. You're doing good just by working on yourself. It doesn't come over night. It's a lifelong journey. Being in recovery and working on ourselves is way better than staying in the same place we were the day we found alanon.
You will get through this, and you will be a lot stronger for it.
You will get through this, and you will be a lot stronger for it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Susan,
Sometimes I take 3 steps forward and 5 steps back. There are days I really have to work on myself. There were a few times that I didn't have any contact with my daughter and it was extremely hard on me. I really do know how you feel. I didn't know if she was dead or alive. I had to feel what I had to feel. How does a mother just go on and not feel bad. I don't know how to do that. I know that I have to try to live my life and be somewhat happy no matter how things turn out. Oh boy! I have so much work to do on myself. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings. I admire the moms on here that can live their lives to the fullest in spite of their burdens. I want to be like that, but I know it doesn't happen as fast as we would like it to. I do know that I am better than I was, even in spite of the latest things that have transpired in my life. I have come to terms with the fact that I do not have control over anything but myself. No matter how much I fret, it doesn't change a thing. It only keeps me stuck and makes me feel sicker. I can only live one day at a time. Sometimes it is hour to hour. Don't beat yourself up, Susan.
There is a plan for Kasey. Things will change. You are doing a good job working on yourself. Be easy on yourself my friend........I care about you.
Prayers for you and Kasey.............Lois
Sometimes I take 3 steps forward and 5 steps back. There are days I really have to work on myself. There were a few times that I didn't have any contact with my daughter and it was extremely hard on me. I really do know how you feel. I didn't know if she was dead or alive. I had to feel what I had to feel. How does a mother just go on and not feel bad. I don't know how to do that. I know that I have to try to live my life and be somewhat happy no matter how things turn out. Oh boy! I have so much work to do on myself. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings. I admire the moms on here that can live their lives to the fullest in spite of their burdens. I want to be like that, but I know it doesn't happen as fast as we would like it to. I do know that I am better than I was, even in spite of the latest things that have transpired in my life. I have come to terms with the fact that I do not have control over anything but myself. No matter how much I fret, it doesn't change a thing. It only keeps me stuck and makes me feel sicker. I can only live one day at a time. Sometimes it is hour to hour. Don't beat yourself up, Susan.
There is a plan for Kasey. Things will change. You are doing a good job working on yourself. Be easy on yourself my friend........I care about you.
Prayers for you and Kasey.............Lois
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Fake it till you make it.
There is a story of a man that God told him to push on the big rock in his front yard.
The man pushed and pushed every day for months and thought he failed God.
When he questioned God about things...God pointed out... I said push on the rock and didn't say anything about moving it. The end results...the man had grown huge muscles by all his efforts. We may not understand why we need do certain things... but we can always know that the end result will be what God wants for us.
(paraphrased as I remembered the story)
There is a story of a man that God told him to push on the big rock in his front yard.
The man pushed and pushed every day for months and thought he failed God.
When he questioned God about things...God pointed out... I said push on the rock and didn't say anything about moving it. The end results...the man had grown huge muscles by all his efforts. We may not understand why we need do certain things... but we can always know that the end result will be what God wants for us.
(paraphrased as I remembered the story)
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
When my head gets it and my heart doesn't I think it's because I am not acknowledging something to myself.
In this case I have found if i ask myself about what I am feeling my heart might have something to say it hurts and it wants to heal maybe something hurts that I am ignoring. No matter how strong my head is my heart will win every time if I am hurting in a way that goes unacknowledged...that also means I may find myself repeating the same ole' stuff. So it can be wise to ask my heart how it feels. Love your heart it is human too...
In this case I have found if i ask myself about what I am feeling my heart might have something to say it hurts and it wants to heal maybe something hurts that I am ignoring. No matter how strong my head is my heart will win every time if I am hurting in a way that goes unacknowledged...that also means I may find myself repeating the same ole' stuff. So it can be wise to ask my heart how it feels. Love your heart it is human too...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Melody Beattie writes about "getting it" and struggling and she says something like..."When we stop struggling so hard, sometimes clarity sets in and we "get it" and once we "get it" we wonder why it took so long to find the answer."
She says it more eloquently than that, but that's how it was for me. I'd struggle trying to "get" recovery or a part of it and then out of the blue I would have an "AHA" moment when the answer would come. I'd think "so THAT's what that means". And then I'd wonder why I didn't know that before because it appears so obvious to me now.
Hang in there, keep showing up at meetings and listening, keep reading and when you are ready the answers will come, I promise.
Hugs
She says it more eloquently than that, but that's how it was for me. I'd struggle trying to "get" recovery or a part of it and then out of the blue I would have an "AHA" moment when the answer would come. I'd think "so THAT's what that means". And then I'd wonder why I didn't know that before because it appears so obvious to me now.
Hang in there, keep showing up at meetings and listening, keep reading and when you are ready the answers will come, I promise.
Hugs
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
"Getting it" is a process I now understand well simply because that's how recovery
works. Recovery is a long term process of growth and change. To me it's similar to knowing ( intellectual) there's a fresh spring of healing water somewhere, however as I search for the source it appears to elude me. Then out of the blue I find it bubbling up through my life and feel its soothing, peaceful, healing energy comes through to grace my heart, mind, body and soul.
My sponsor told me it's like popcorn! In recovery we gather the kernels and over time they start popping, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly as we keep keeping on the road to happy destiny. Yes even when it seems we're just trudging along, we are making progress. Trudging changes to skipping and running! It has for me.
Be gentle with yourself. Codies tend to be very hard on themselves. I've found the best antidote, is a more gentle approach as I try to to consider the slogan "Easy does it".
This is from Alanon's Courage to Change.
"Easy does it" suggestss not only that I learn to slow down, but that I learn to lighten up. Today I will strive to take a more accepting attitude toward myself and to enjoy the day, regardless of what I ahieve.
Hugs
works. Recovery is a long term process of growth and change. To me it's similar to knowing ( intellectual) there's a fresh spring of healing water somewhere, however as I search for the source it appears to elude me. Then out of the blue I find it bubbling up through my life and feel its soothing, peaceful, healing energy comes through to grace my heart, mind, body and soul.
My sponsor told me it's like popcorn! In recovery we gather the kernels and over time they start popping, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly as we keep keeping on the road to happy destiny. Yes even when it seems we're just trudging along, we are making progress. Trudging changes to skipping and running! It has for me.
Be gentle with yourself. Codies tend to be very hard on themselves. I've found the best antidote, is a more gentle approach as I try to to consider the slogan "Easy does it".
This is from Alanon's Courage to Change.
"Easy does it" suggestss not only that I learn to slow down, but that I learn to lighten up. Today I will strive to take a more accepting attitude toward myself and to enjoy the day, regardless of what I ahieve.
Hugs
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I understand that statement so well.
I have my "moments" that it all seems so clear to me, both intellectually and emotionally, and others that I feel very weak (usually in the emotional catagory)
Thing is, after all the time I've spent here I don't have to dig far into the tool box to remind myself what the reality of the situation is, I just struggle with accepting it.
I did notice one time that if I get to the point that I am just so exhausted I don't have the energy to dwell, I do better at accepting things. And every once in a while, if the hormones are behaving and the stars are aligned I "get it" so completely and fully that I am what I believe "serene" to be.
The funny thing is nothing may have changed, except with how I've reacted, or perceived things that are my reality, my world.
I like the saying "fake it til you make it" and I've become so good at faking it, I sometimes even believe myself
Hang in there
(((Hugs)))
Cece
I have my "moments" that it all seems so clear to me, both intellectually and emotionally, and others that I feel very weak (usually in the emotional catagory)
Thing is, after all the time I've spent here I don't have to dig far into the tool box to remind myself what the reality of the situation is, I just struggle with accepting it.
I did notice one time that if I get to the point that I am just so exhausted I don't have the energy to dwell, I do better at accepting things. And every once in a while, if the hormones are behaving and the stars are aligned I "get it" so completely and fully that I am what I believe "serene" to be.
The funny thing is nothing may have changed, except with how I've reacted, or perceived things that are my reality, my world.
I like the saying "fake it til you make it" and I've become so good at faking it, I sometimes even believe myself
Hang in there
(((Hugs)))
Cece
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
"getting it" is one thing, but acting on it is another - for me anyway. i can get it all day long, but then i just have trouble taking the next step forward.
that's why i talk about being stuck pretty often. i suppose i need to really work on that.
great thread, k
that's why i talk about being stuck pretty often. i suppose i need to really work on that.
great thread, k
Starry Girl
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Starry Night
Posts: 251
Hi Susan,
Sometimes as codies we get very used to "reacting" and "reacting emotionally" rather than rationally. Many of us equate love with need (He needs me so he must love me) etc. It is a very hard thing to turn that around and try to quiet our raging emotions enough to let it go.
You are doing great, when you begin to think of these things, you are taking steps, you are recognizing behaviors that don't make you happy. This is a good thing! Be kind, patient and gentle with yourself. Hugs!
Sometimes as codies we get very used to "reacting" and "reacting emotionally" rather than rationally. Many of us equate love with need (He needs me so he must love me) etc. It is a very hard thing to turn that around and try to quiet our raging emotions enough to let it go.
You are doing great, when you begin to think of these things, you are taking steps, you are recognizing behaviors that don't make you happy. This is a good thing! Be kind, patient and gentle with yourself. Hugs!
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