marle

Steve is home but pretty messed up. Megan called to let me know how things are. He has lots of narcotics but won't share. I keep my mouth shut. He is abusing her verbally even though she is just trying to help. I keep my mouth shut. I did tell her that there is a place that helps people with substance abuse problems that is within walking distance from her and that when she is ready for the abuse to stop, she could make that walk. I guess that if all she wants to talk about is the misery that she has made for herself, I will have to stop answering the phone. But first I will explain to her that right now I am doing what is best for me and trying to get healthy in all ways and that her calling when she is not ready to help herself is not on my agenda. I will say what I mean but not say it mean. Hugs, Marle

ladyamalthea

Well, if nothing else works, maybe she will get fed up with him not sharing soon? Surely, in her mind, that would be proof that he does not care for her like she hopes he does... but then again, who knows?

I still say it sounds like she is on the verge of something huge... as long as you went without hearing from her, it is so hard to believe that she would just magically decide to start calling again if the wheels of her brain weren't finally turning again. I hope and pray that she listens to your suggestions. Either way, I am so proud of you for keeping a clear head in all of this. Your recovery is an inspiration for all of us.

*hugs and prayers*

Done_With_It

I am doing what is best for me and trying to get healthy in all ways and that her calling when she is not ready to help herself is not on my agenda.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I was thinking about that, it's easy to let someone else's problems (esp. when we love them) become our own problems. It is a sad horrible situation, but just remember and then don't forget, this IS her choice of lifestyle right now.
With drugs comes hell, and she can't (or shouldn't be able to) have it both ways,
she can't have Mom telling her it's okay Megan, because it's not okay.

I know you Mom's want to fix things for us, esp. when something bad happens, and we want you to fix it for us, actually we expect you to fix it, make it better.
Don't make this better for her. Let her make it better on her own, she wants you to convince her things really aren't that bad. Give her sympathy because she's only
"trying to help" but getting verbally abused. She playing right into the mom card.
I did the same thing to my mom about how everything in my life was so terrible to my mom when I was using. I wanted her to make it better, and tell me it was okay.
We know exactly how to work you moms, and when we are using, it's so not intentional, but we are very manipulative and it's all about our needs actually our wants, not our needs..

Be Tough. Be the Rockstar Mom! Not a fiddle. Don't let her play you!

Love Ya!

marle

Lady and Done, I won't let her play me. I told her that what is happening is because of her lifestyle. I am not in denial about that. My health is not the best right now. Three years of constant stress has taken its toll on this 54 year old body. I need to take care of me because if I don't I know I can count on an early death. I want to live to be a grand old lady and plan on doing whatever it takes to make that happen. And no I am not telling her it is alright. Just the opposite. I tell her I can't help her. She must do it for herself. Hugs, Marle

havehope

(((marle)))
Although it might have been for sympathy, I am glad she called you to let you know how things are. Giving her the name of the rehab place down the street is great IMHO. I also think something is there in her head that may see this as not the greatest lifestyle. I think you are doing great. Continue to take care of yourself.
Hugs
Terri

Done_With_It

Okay, that's good, Just wanted to make sure you are taking care of yourself, because I know your not feeling to well.

Ladybugg

(((marle)))

you should be proud of yourself...you are starting to sound like one of the experienced, wise ones here (notice I didn't say old)!!! take care of yourself!!

frankie_b

Marle, you're making a brave choice for keeping a peaceful heart and mind for the sake of your own precious life. I've walked in your very shoes and know well the level of stress we mothers feel as well as the affect on our spiritual, emotional and physical well being. You have acquired so much strength and wisdom. Keep keeping on Mom and I hope your beloved Megan takes a lesson from you in love and detachment. You are a shining example for her and for all here.
Hugs

dollydo

Marle,

I am glad that you are putting your well-being first. It really is the only option that makes any sense.

Hugs,

Lobo

Marle,
It sounds like she is keeping you involved for a reason. Praying that she gets tired of the abuse and reaches out. I admire your strength.

Hugs............Lois

hope213

(((( MARLE))) praying for both of you.

caileesnana

I hope she tires of the abuse quickly as it will only get worse w/ his injuries! Things happen for a reason, and I thinksome "somone" is trying to get her attention!

You are both in my prayers, daily & more,
susan

greeteachday

((((Marle)))) I admire your strength, recovery and unconditional love for your daughter. Your love for both your daughter and yourself shows in how you let her be responsibile for her choices. Prayers for all of you.

rozied

((( Marle )))
Love,
Diane

parentrecovers

thank you, marle. you're amazing....

hugs, k

BigSis

(((Marle))) What an excellent recovery example... thank you so much.

(((hugs)))

marle

You know guys the one really nice thing about my daughter is that I do believe that she knows my limits. I know that she called me out of desperation. Not because she wanted anything. I think she just needed someone to talk to. She is very isolated what with only having the abf and his family in the picture. His family are all majorly dysfunctional (even worse than me). So she really has no one to talk to because the mom is in denial about Steve's drug addiction. She was actually worried about him becoming a pill addict. Megan even laughed at the absurdity of that. When she told me that he calls her names and such, I said that she could walk out of the room. She told me she just pretends that she can't understand him and asks him, Huh, what did you say, I can't understand you. We had a laugh about that one. In no way do I condone what he is doing to her, but I know that the only person that can make it stop is Megan and I just don't think she is ready to deal with her problems yet. Hugs, Marle

caileesnana

At least she still called, I think that she knows you love her and you are there. Maybe in a small way, she is seeing if the string is still there after all. I'm glad you had a laugh w/ her. She may not be ready now, but something is in the works!
susan

havehope

Continued prayers for you, Megan and Steve.
Hugs
Terri