ladyjane

Yesterday my husband and I had to rescue ad from an abusive relationship. Her bf had been beating her and dragging her around by her hair.
We drove 35 miles to pick her up all the while bf calling cell phone and making threats. We drove up and she jumped in the car leaving everything.
This is not an ideal situation for any of us, but I expect she won't stay very long. She says being home is like being a 16 year old again. She's already started networking again on the computer and phone.
She's trying to play mommy with her son but has to stop to talk to friends on the phone. Outside and out of hearing of course.
Well my grandson will continue on at the babysitters as usual as I don't feel comfortable leaving him with her. She isn't very attentive.
I know your thinking why didn't she call the police. We'll, they want her on a tresspass charge and she didn't want to go to jail yesterday. Does anyone ever want to go to jail any day?
Will this merry-go-round never cease?
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Trish

dollydo

It will only cease when you stop recusing her....you can jump off the merry go round anytime you want to.

Personally, I've never seen an open door policy that ever helped an addict.

Sorry you are going through this yet again.

ladyjane

Yeah I know dollydo. Somebody kick me.
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Trish

marle

Have you ever seen signs of his abuse, bruises, etc. If so maybe the next time she calls with the claims that he is beating her, etc. you could make a call to the police and have them come by and document it. Better that she spend some time in jail than to bring the chaos to your house. Just a thought. Or next time just say no and give her the number of a woman's shelter. I know it is hard to leave an abuser and doubly hard when you are using drugs, too. My daughter is in that situation. And she refuses to report him because he is her supplier. Tough situation. Sending hugs and prayers. Marle

ladyamalthea

As hard as it is to think of things this way, her being arrested for trespassing may have been the best thing for the moment for two reasons: 1) it would have been a wakeup call for her and 2) her bf cannot continue to threaten her while she's in jail. Honestly, I worry more about you and your husband while she is there than I worry about her... addicts are so resilient, whereas you and he do not have that supernatural, if you will, ability to keep going. If her bf were to come over there, then what would happen?

I don't mean to sound harsh... you did what you had to do. I just hope she doesn't stay there long, because this doesn't sound like it's going to be good for anyone.

*hugs and prayers*

Live

Is there a middle ground, such as picking her up when she is being physically attacked and dropping her off at a women's shelter?

hope213

nothing changes if nothing changes. she is going to jail sometimes if there is a warrent out on her. in jail her b.f. could not get to her.you would not be in the middle of it for him to come to your home & heaven knows what could happen.i know it is hard not to help your child.my son is my addict. when we rescue them like that it is not helping it is enabling them. in jail maybe she could get clean, maybe it was her time & you kept her from falling into the hands of freedom.i am sorry your daughter pulled you into this.keep coming back.we care about you & can help you walk thru this.sending prayers up for you & your daughter.hugs,

Momsrainbow

Dolly-merry go round? Another said a roller-coaster=Lets throw in the tilt-a-whirl? With all that the addicts really do try to turn ours lives into a sick circus/carnival.
I personally, am leaning more to the whack with a skillet-but a cast iron one.
LadyM-addicts resilinet? More like the energizer bunny.

One thing in my state-AD does not have to press charges-call police and when they see signs of physical abuse-police press charges. Maybe an option.

More prayers and hugs!!!!!!!

ladyjane

Thank you all for your many words of encouragement. She's already talking about leaving because the rules we impose are not to her liking. I told her go ahead,she's an adult. She says she can't live here with us because we only want to argue with her(telling her what we expect while she's in our home is arguing). I say she's looking for an excuse to do as she intends to do anyway.
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Trish

Ann

My thoughts are to offer to take her to a women's shelter and let her find her way from there.

Sadly, I am not surprised at her behaviour. I went through this same thing, different story but same ending, with my son.

Hands off the addict!!! How very long it took me to listen to that. How much better my life became when I did.

Hugs from one mom's heart to anothers.

greeteachday

I know it doesn't help to get involved again, but I can certainly understand why you got her out of the situation. I doubt I could have turned her away either. Intellectually I would understand that helping doesn't really help, but my heart couldn't say no if I knew my child was being beaten. I like Live's idea of a middle ground...get her out of the danger and into a woman's shelter. That's all water under the bridge now....I hope whatever she decides, it is a safer environment and that with her out on her own again, you can regain some peace. Hugs and prayers.

Ladybugg

***HUGS***no kicks!!!!

Lobo

Ladyjane,
If my daughter called and asked me to get her out of an abusive relationship, I would have done the same thing as you. You gave her a safe place. You will know in time if it isn't going to work out. If it doesn't she will have to figure something else out. You protected her when she needed protection. You don't have to put up with her abusing you or the situation. You will know when you've had enough and other arrangements will have to be made. We are all mothers here and I don't know how any of us could not rescue our child from the danger of someones hands. At the time we do the best we can under the circumstances. It may have not been the ideal situation at the time, but you did the best you could under fear for your child.
You can provide her with resources that might be able to help her more than you can. If she wants help she will respect that..........if she doesn't then there is the door.
Take care of yourself..................Lo