wish he'd quit

Ah decided tonight that he needed to go 4wheeling with his Ab and Afriends. Ok fine. But I am in quite a bit of pain right now due to some health issues. SO he actually told me that he would take my 5 year old so I could lay down for awhile. Well him driving my son around on a 4wheeler while drunk is NOT going to happen while I'm living. So I played the part of the bad guy and refused to let him go. Then ah has the audacity to tell me not to tell my son that he was getting drunk. Well the problem with his request is that my son is rather intuitive to those things and I'm not going to lie to him about it. The bigger problem is that as soon as Ah left my son got upset and was crying because he thought that his dad was going to die. He was only "supposed to be gone for an hour or so and that was 4 hours ago.

When I call neither he nor his ab would answer their phones. SO I called my "friend's" husbands phone and she answered. She passed the phone on to him, but as she is doing so I hear her say something about his ringer being turned off. So I ask and of course in typical alcoholic fashion he denied and lied all in one slur that he left it at his buddy's house and would be home with in the hour.

So my question is how do I go about talking to him. I can hear the convo now about how he is SO SORRY and he is sorry for being a drunk. It will then switch to me being the "stick in the mud" for always trying to hinder his good time and being called every name in the book. I'm also the bad guy for telling my son that alcohol makes you do stupid things. I am so tempted to tell him that I'm tired of the alcohol comming before me and the kids. I just don't want to start a huge arguement. Of course I am not going to go about doing this tonight but it will be soon. Someone please tell me how to go about starting a constructive conversation and not stoop to his level of being a verbal abuser, though it is tempting.

Lady BlueMiles

Here is a good Sticky link about setting boundaries
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html

I don't talk about or fight about his drinking anymore. That part of my life is over. I didn't cause it, I can't cure it and I can't control it. I have no more time to spend on his choices with barely time to focus on myself in a given day.

fluffyflea

Maybe put off talking to him until he is sober.

Ngaire

ladyjane

I agree with earthworm. Talking to a drunk is pretty pointless.
_________
Trish

dollydo

You can't reason with an unreasonable person, drunk or sober.

I would suggest you try to detach from him, his behavior. Go about your life, if he is going to drink, there is not a thing you can do about it. Talking, crying, yelling won't change a thing, until he is ready to stop, ready to embrace recovery.

TexasGirl

You're right. You've seen it before. You know exactly how it will play out. And you know what? I heard all those things from my X before too. It's all straight out of the Alcoholic Handbook, I swear. Sometimes knowing how something will play out is the best defense against it playing out that way. My favorite line to start trying was, "It's clear that we disagree on this issue, and I'm not going to be able to change your mind about it, so I don't even want to fight about it." Could something like that work for you?

Mr. Christian

You really expect to get anywhere with this conversation. This has to be one of the 1st things we learned in Alanon.
He already knows how you feel about the drinking, why spin your wheels

denny57

There are no constructive conversations with a drunk. Sometimes they're amusing, though.

sunshine321

Yup, agree with the others. I think you said your part, laid down the law and controlled the situation for the safety of your son. That is all you can do and you did it. Everything else is just BS. Don't bother having the conversation. Unless he decides to get into recovery.

Jenny