kokobum

My first time back in AlAnon in at least 10 years, and I'm so glad i went!! Anyone who has read my previous posts will know that I've been with my AW for nearly 20 years....and for 20 years I've made the same mistakes over and over and over again. The realization that I must start approaching this differently just dawned on me a couple of weeks ago (guess I'm a little slow, and stubborn...lol). The group I went to was a newcomers group, so lots of scared people in one room together made it interesting. I've always had issues with the "higher power" thing, always thought that was too much like preaching religion, but now I know the "higher power can be whatever or whoever you you want it to be. I got a good laugh from the group when I said I picture my higher power as Tiger Woods......lol. It works for me because I see him as just a remarkable person with incredible inner strength and determination (not to mention I'm just a tad envious of his golfing skill). This is what I found out from some of the people that have attended these meetings for years, most had the same problem in regards to the "higher power", and most have come up with something other than God (even inanimate objects) to represent that power. I continue to read "Codependant No More", and have found out about many other good books on the subject (I think one was called "Destruction of the Alcoholic Marriage), and plan on sinking my teeth into those as well. Tomorrow is the weekend again, and those are always a big test for me, because its almost a guarantee she will be drunk for at least a couple of days. I understand now how I'm supposed to NOT react, the part I have trouble with is how I DO react!! Not sure whether to just not speak to her at all, or when she does sober up just treat it as if nothing happened?? What about sober days, do I thank her for any progress?? Guess if I continue to go to meetings, with any luck these questions will be answered for me.

Mair

I am so pleased that you are sounding soo much stronger. You will find that by not responding to her drinking you will feel better. If she gets drunk get your golf clubs and BE tiger woods for the day. I used to praise my xab when he commented that he hadnt had a drink, i never brought the subject up till he mentioned it, and the hard part; i didnt comment when he was drunk either. Practice makes perfect, and it gets easier with time.

But dont worry if you do respond badly sometimes we are only human.

Mair x

wister

I really needed to read this thread today. Because I of course messed up when I got home and AH had been drinking.