Am I being paranoid?
It is what it is
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NJ
Posts: 280
Am I being paranoid?
Here are the facts. You tell me if I'm being suspicious or paranoid or if something seems fishy.
I am missing three things in the past month. I do not lose things. I have misplaced some things in my life but they turn up within a week or so. I will name the three things, give you some background as to why I'm suspicious and then please give your opinion. I swear I feel like I'm going crazy and then I think maybe that's what this is meant to do. A is trying to make me feel crazy just like he does.
1. Prescription sunglasses. Now I know it sounds benign but they have been missing for 4 weeks now. I had them on a Sunday and I still can't find them. I searched high and low, my car, my house, every single room, under couches and tables. Every nook and cranny. They aren't at work (which would be impossible because I had them on a Sunday but not for work on Monday). Here's why I find it odd. Abf and I had a conversation about his losing and breaking sunglasses. I suggested one day that he get himself a nice pair. He said no because he goes through so many of them, it wouldn't be worth it. I said wow, I somehow manage to keep mine for years and years. I still have my pair from before this newer pair. I've had them for about 10 years now. My second pair I've had for 3 or 4. That is the pair that is missing. They disappeared shortly after this conversation. Now I have one more place theymight possibly be. Someone has been out of town for 3 weeks and we were at his house on that Sunday. I doubt I would have left there without them as it was daytime and still sunny but that is my last hope. I'll find out for sure next week.
2. Bathing suit bottoms: Now this might even seem more wacky as what would my abf do with them? And why? Well we've had fights regarding a tattoo that I have on my lower left hipbone. It is covered when wearing pants and he once asked me if a random guy asked to see it because the top was peaking out, would I show it to him? I said yes, because first of all I'm not embarassed of it and secondly it's art to me. It's about the size of a quarter/half-dollar. He said he has a problem with that and preceeded to call me all kinds of terrible names I won't repeat here. In a bathing suit, it does show. I did that on purpose. I dont' want it exposed at work or if I'm dressed up because it's not appropriate in those arenas. But beach and casual, I don't mind. I was packing for vacation, I had two brand new bathing suits, each piece on a hanger from the store and I packed them all. I was bringing my clothes from upstairs to my suitcase downstairs. I remember having all the pieces. I remember packing them. I closed my suitcase at the last minute. When we got to our destination, I had one bathing suit but not the bottoms to the other. I find it rather odd. I thought, maybe I left it at home but it wouldn't be hard to find because it was on the hanger. It's not at home. It's not anywhere. It vanished.
3. The most recent missing property: my Big Book. I have a smaller size version in paperback. I had it last Sunday night after our fight and abf stormed out of the house. I was reading it that night. The following day and the next one we weren't on speaking terms. It went missing. I can't find it anywhere. I know where I was reading it. I know where I usually leave my books. I checked the car, I checked the house. Gone. I asked abf if he saw it. Nope, did you check at work? Uh, no because it went missing on Sunday (I looked for it on Monday night). The the other day he said something about the big book, like that's a pretty small book, right? Now how would he know that? He doesn't even know what it looks like supposedly.
I hate to be unnecessarily suspicious. It just seems weird to me. I have never lost anything and I've lost three thing in a month all within my own house. Doesn't that seem strange?
All opinions please. I feel like I'm going crazy. Maybe he wants me to so then he'll have yet another thing to hold over my head. He hates that nothing he says has any validity because he forgets all the time because he drinks so much. It's a battle between us because he says that it's not fair that I can always say that he never said something or did something and he has to take my word even if I'm lying because he's the alcoholic. Maybe this is something to hold over my head. I need some prospective.
Jenny
I am missing three things in the past month. I do not lose things. I have misplaced some things in my life but they turn up within a week or so. I will name the three things, give you some background as to why I'm suspicious and then please give your opinion. I swear I feel like I'm going crazy and then I think maybe that's what this is meant to do. A is trying to make me feel crazy just like he does.
1. Prescription sunglasses. Now I know it sounds benign but they have been missing for 4 weeks now. I had them on a Sunday and I still can't find them. I searched high and low, my car, my house, every single room, under couches and tables. Every nook and cranny. They aren't at work (which would be impossible because I had them on a Sunday but not for work on Monday). Here's why I find it odd. Abf and I had a conversation about his losing and breaking sunglasses. I suggested one day that he get himself a nice pair. He said no because he goes through so many of them, it wouldn't be worth it. I said wow, I somehow manage to keep mine for years and years. I still have my pair from before this newer pair. I've had them for about 10 years now. My second pair I've had for 3 or 4. That is the pair that is missing. They disappeared shortly after this conversation. Now I have one more place theymight possibly be. Someone has been out of town for 3 weeks and we were at his house on that Sunday. I doubt I would have left there without them as it was daytime and still sunny but that is my last hope. I'll find out for sure next week.
2. Bathing suit bottoms: Now this might even seem more wacky as what would my abf do with them? And why? Well we've had fights regarding a tattoo that I have on my lower left hipbone. It is covered when wearing pants and he once asked me if a random guy asked to see it because the top was peaking out, would I show it to him? I said yes, because first of all I'm not embarassed of it and secondly it's art to me. It's about the size of a quarter/half-dollar. He said he has a problem with that and preceeded to call me all kinds of terrible names I won't repeat here. In a bathing suit, it does show. I did that on purpose. I dont' want it exposed at work or if I'm dressed up because it's not appropriate in those arenas. But beach and casual, I don't mind. I was packing for vacation, I had two brand new bathing suits, each piece on a hanger from the store and I packed them all. I was bringing my clothes from upstairs to my suitcase downstairs. I remember having all the pieces. I remember packing them. I closed my suitcase at the last minute. When we got to our destination, I had one bathing suit but not the bottoms to the other. I find it rather odd. I thought, maybe I left it at home but it wouldn't be hard to find because it was on the hanger. It's not at home. It's not anywhere. It vanished.
3. The most recent missing property: my Big Book. I have a smaller size version in paperback. I had it last Sunday night after our fight and abf stormed out of the house. I was reading it that night. The following day and the next one we weren't on speaking terms. It went missing. I can't find it anywhere. I know where I was reading it. I know where I usually leave my books. I checked the car, I checked the house. Gone. I asked abf if he saw it. Nope, did you check at work? Uh, no because it went missing on Sunday (I looked for it on Monday night). The the other day he said something about the big book, like that's a pretty small book, right? Now how would he know that? He doesn't even know what it looks like supposedly.
I hate to be unnecessarily suspicious. It just seems weird to me. I have never lost anything and I've lost three thing in a month all within my own house. Doesn't that seem strange?
All opinions please. I feel like I'm going crazy. Maybe he wants me to so then he'll have yet another thing to hold over my head. He hates that nothing he says has any validity because he forgets all the time because he drinks so much. It's a battle between us because he says that it's not fair that I can always say that he never said something or did something and he has to take my word even if I'm lying because he's the alcoholic. Maybe this is something to hold over my head. I need some prospective.
Jenny
Wow ! Not only do you know who did it, but you know why!!
My sponsor pointed out that I don't even what motivates me, how could I know what motivates someone else ?
I used to think like that. And even still at times I'll put 2 & 2 together and get 7. Even worse, I act on it ! Actually, I'll make a call to another A or my sponsor to validate my thinking. The advice I get (when they quit laughing) from them is always spot on.
So you're missing a few things. They'll turn up, or not. If they don't, get new ones. In the mean time, think about you and your recovery. Even if he did steal them, just to **** you off, concentrate on you and your recovery.
My sponsor pointed out that I don't even what motivates me, how could I know what motivates someone else ?
I used to think like that. And even still at times I'll put 2 & 2 together and get 7. Even worse, I act on it ! Actually, I'll make a call to another A or my sponsor to validate my thinking. The advice I get (when they quit laughing) from them is always spot on.
So you're missing a few things. They'll turn up, or not. If they don't, get new ones. In the mean time, think about you and your recovery. Even if he did steal them, just to **** you off, concentrate on you and your recovery.
I have been through something similar in a way.
Ever since my oldest son started drugging, things would come up missing. I KNEW he took them, but he would make me feel like I was blaming him for something he didn't do. I would feel bad about it too. He had me thinking I was going crazy losing things.
I had all kinds of things come up missing. One was an expensive kitchen knife. I began to believe that I was having memory loss.
One day I found the kitchen knife broken off at the handle under his bed.
I guess he was using it for a tool and broke it.
I felt better that I wasn't going crazy.
Now that he isn't living with me, nothing comes up missing. Nothing!
Ever since my oldest son started drugging, things would come up missing. I KNEW he took them, but he would make me feel like I was blaming him for something he didn't do. I would feel bad about it too. He had me thinking I was going crazy losing things.
I had all kinds of things come up missing. One was an expensive kitchen knife. I began to believe that I was having memory loss.
One day I found the kitchen knife broken off at the handle under his bed.
I guess he was using it for a tool and broke it.
I felt better that I wasn't going crazy.
Now that he isn't living with me, nothing comes up missing. Nothing!
Hi Sunshine,
During my active addiction, I would love when my home life was in chaos. Anything to take attention off my drinking, thus making it easier for my disease progress......I would make-up stories just to promote drama in my home life, I became good at it.....This disease works in baffling ways.....If my wife was preoccupied with something else, it would translate to party time for this alkie........
I guess us alkies are good at bringing everyone else down to our level of insanity...that was my M.O......just my.02 worth....
Work Hard and Enjoy Life.......Ned
I guess us alkies are good at bringing everyone else down to our level of insanity...that was my M.O......just my.02 worth....
Work Hard and Enjoy Life.......Ned
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
Youre no longer alone...smile..
Things went missing in our home also.Thought i was going nuts.Talked to my sponsor who said that its all in my head,lol...But naw,i smelled a rat here.So what i did was to stop complaining,to my loved one about things missing.No longer looking all over the place,for these things.Just happily went on with my day.Yup,even my car keys went missing,i simply took the bus to work,and said,,nothing....And guess what?it stoped.Soon i could find things again...funny how that happens,when i no longer feed into this stuff...Dont ask me what this was about because i dont know.What i do know for sure,is that sick folks will not behave well,until they get help,,just like me...All i can say,is to trust your---gut----------
Things went missing in our home also.Thought i was going nuts.Talked to my sponsor who said that its all in my head,lol...But naw,i smelled a rat here.So what i did was to stop complaining,to my loved one about things missing.No longer looking all over the place,for these things.Just happily went on with my day.Yup,even my car keys went missing,i simply took the bus to work,and said,,nothing....And guess what?it stoped.Soon i could find things again...funny how that happens,when i no longer feed into this stuff...Dont ask me what this was about because i dont know.What i do know for sure,is that sick folks will not behave well,until they get help,,just like me...All i can say,is to trust your---gut----------
It is what it is
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NJ
Posts: 280
It sounds like I got one nay but a lot of yays and one really good LOL. Thanks Mr. Christian since that was a funny visual for me. I'm not saying it's the end of the world that things are missing. I just have noticed that is it odd and I feel like I'm going crazy because I've never had this problem and now I do. It's strange. If it's me, then I need to stop being so careless and pay more attention to where I'm putting things. I will go on with my recovery and I will focus on myself. But if I have something I value, I will no longer leave it around. Just in case it is happening and I'm not imagining it. Thanks for the input from all points of view.
Jenny
Jenny
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
It sounds like I got one nay but a lot of yays and one really good LOL. Thanks Mr. Christian since that was a funny visual for me. I'm not saying it's the end of the world that things are missing. I just have noticed that is it odd and I feel like I'm going crazy because I've never had this problem and now I do. It's strange. If it's me, then I need to stop being so careless and pay more attention to where I'm putting things. I will go on with my recovery and I will focus on myself. But if I have something I value, I will no longer leave it around. Just in case it is happening and I'm not imagining it. Thanks for the input from all points of view.
Jenny
Jenny
Sounds like a plan!
Good luck!!
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