Feeling sad

Old 08-13-2007, 08:01 PM
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Feeling sad

Just got off the phone with a nice gentleman who wants to take me out to lunch and is obviously looking for more than friendship, and while I enjoyed talking to him I find myself sitting here feeling terribly sad and terribly lonely because he's not Richard and he never will be.

Every time I think I'm moving forward and feeling happy again, the pain, the loss, the senselessness, and the loneliness seem to creep back. I wish I could block these feelings out, but they keep resurfacing again and again.
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:14 PM
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(((FD)))

No one will ever be Richard.

I think it depends on how you feel this man will interpret your going to lunch - if you want to go, that is. There was a man who asked me out a while back who I also felt wanted more than friendship. I do like him, but I know I do not want to start anything even potentially serious until I'm officially divorced. I don't want a new relationship to contain that remnant of my present life. I admit he is somone I hope is still there, but I know this is the right choice for now.

What do you want to do?
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:16 PM
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Hi,
You know it took me awhile not to compare others to my ex.



Nope they will never be our ex’s, and thank God for that in some ways.
Everyone is so different and wonderful in their own way.

I say have lunch.
As my Uncle Paulie would say, “You gotta eat, what’s da matta for you?”


Us Italians like that.
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:18 PM
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Hey there Jill

You _are_ moving forward. It's just that we don't move in a straight line. You said you enjoyed talking to this nice gentleman. That is progress. You are allowed to feel sad and lonely because you have survived the most horrifying loss anybody can go thru. Any gentleman that you talk to is going to make you feel this way. That happened to me too when I first started talking to charming young ladies, and I have not gone thru half of what you have.

I know you can't see it right now, but you will in time. Each time you allow the sadness to resurface it becomes weaker. Each time you let those feelings go thru you and _out_ of you they fade a little more and _you_ become stronger. There was a time there when I gave up on kleenex and just used a towel, it was just silly to be taking out a whole trash bag full of kleenex every day.

You know what else I did? I focused myself on my art. I don't know why, but pain seems to bring out something different in my art. It both helps me heal and somehow it brings a different kind of intensity to my work. I've seen the pics of your porch, so I know what happiness can do for your creative spirit. Maybe you can use your gifts to help you heal.

I am praying for you tonight, Jill, and for Richard. He is free of the horrors of addiction, he really is in a much better place. This world was not good for him.

Mike
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:22 PM
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I think I want to go to lunch with him, or maybe I just feel I should go to lunch with him to keep moving forward in my life, but I don't want anything more than lunch. I can't picture myself ever holding another man's hand, kissing him, or more.

I know it's just lunch, but goodness what a flood of emotion the very thought of having lunch with another man brings. Avoiding heartache is my favorite excuse for hiding inside myself.
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:25 PM
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I think I'd go. I know I have changed enough that I'd be comfortable explaining exactly where I am in my life. That's what I did with the situation I described in my life. It's only your timetable you have to concern yourself with. If nothing else, you may make a great friend.

I truly do believe that life is for the living. Try not to isolate. ((()))
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:28 PM
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Just have lunch then. Keep it simple .
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:31 PM
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It's all about trusting yourself. You have had much to deal with, but I know you have the strength to do what's right for you. Enjoy the company and the lunch!

L
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:33 PM
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I will do as you guys suggest and meet him for lunch because you haven't steered me wrong yet. That's why I posted here tonight. I needed your guidance and encouragement and the strength you always give me to move on with my life.
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:37 PM
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Sometimes people come into our lives at the darkest moments.

Let us know how it goes.
Oh, and order something you really like.
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:43 PM
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I suppose it'd be inappropriate to order the chicken fiesta salad with a little Richard on the side. You did say to order what I really want, didn't you, Mr. C?

Trying to interject a little humor to stop the tears from flowing because I'm on my third stack of Kleenex and I can hardly breathe at the moment.

All these tears, and it's just lunch.
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:48 PM
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Nah,

Little Richard always screams when he sings.
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:49 PM
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Old 08-13-2007, 09:09 PM
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i agree to go to the lunch. if it's too weird or too hard, your heart will tell you, and you don't have to go again until you're ready. you never know unless you try! let us know how it goes.
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Old 08-14-2007, 03:03 AM
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"Get busy living or get busy dying." --Shawshank Redemption

A very wise woman has this posted as a tag line on all of her posts, I think it is good advice!
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Old 08-14-2007, 05:56 AM
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Originally Posted by FormerDoormat View Post
I wish I could block these feelings out, but they keep resurfacing again and again.
I know the feeling. I've found I have to go through the same feelings over and over again until they're done. However long it takes is as long as I need to go through it.

Does this man know about Richard and what he meant to you? The reason I ask is if he doesn't know, it might be a good idea to let him know upfront just how you are feeling about things right now and you're not wanting to get involved in anything so soon. Letting him know that male friendships right now are a little tough for you too might not be a bad idea. That way, you will have been perfectly clear with him, and, he won't 'misinterpret' anything the wrong way because you will have been honest with him from the start. Hopefully that will help you to reduce your stress so maybe you can relax a little and enjoy yourself...I hope!!! (((Jill)))
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Old 08-14-2007, 06:02 AM
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You are right, it is just lunch, just today.
Hope you enjoy yourself..
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Old 08-14-2007, 06:29 AM
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there are times when we just have to force ourselves to keep living and moving forward no matter how we feel.

thinking of you!!! hope it turns out to be a really nice time!!!!

(((FDT))))
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Old 08-14-2007, 06:44 AM
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Jill sorry I was not on yesterday-

As it has been said "No one will ever be Richard" and you are moving forward and while doing so you will feel these feelings when a potential (maybe) someone enters into your life-and that is ok!

I know when I went on that first date (2 years after) my husband the love of my life-had passed away-and I tell you the feelings that flowed I felt as if I was on a merry-go round. After a few days I was glad that I did go because I enjoyed myself (although nothing became of that date) I did go on to start getting out more with my friends and enjoying life! It was a wonderful feeling!

My husband is tucked away now in a corner of my heart where no one will ever take any of the memories or love from me! It will always remain there-(Does not prevent me from moving forward-I just learned how to hold on with acceptance and love)

No one knows the feeling when someone we love so deeply has gone from our lives be it death or divorce etc....feelings are feelings and we will feel them until something inside of us says it is OK to go on because it is what the person we love (Richard) would have wanted for us, to be happy and living life!

Go out and enjoy the company and let it flow-you will know inside yourself what to do next!

Enoy yourself Jill you deserve it!
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Old 08-14-2007, 07:18 AM
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Originally Posted by ICU View Post
I know the feeling. I've found I have to go through the same feelings over and over again until they're done. However long it takes is as long as I need to go through it.

Does this man know about Richard and what he meant to you? The reason I ask is if he doesn't know, it might be a good idea to let him know upfront just how you are feeling about things right now and you're not wanting to get involved in anything so soon. Letting him know that male friendships right now are a little tough for you too might not be a bad idea. That way, you will have been perfectly clear with him, and, he won't 'misinterpret' anything the wrong way because you will have been honest with him from the start. Hopefully that will help you to reduce your stress so maybe you can relax a little and enjoy yourself...I hope!!! (((Jill)))

My thoughts exactly.
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