suzieq1972

My AH calls Sat. night and wants to know if he can our son swimming. Great except first of all, i'm afraid he may be drinking AND the other kids that are going Are the son of the woman he's staying with, his cousin and their friends. Oh yeah, and the woman is going too. Was he crazy???? Our son is on the phone crying telling AH that he wants to spend time with him not with all of these other people. Of course I told him absolutely not!! My child is not going to hang out with the woman who let's him drink every day. I suggested that I could go with them...I was told I was forcing myself into a situation that had nothing to do with me. WHAT??? My child's welfare and safety have nothing to do with me? Since when?

So for three hours we go on like this. My son is devastated that he can't go, but I will not let him hang out with that woman or her son (he and my son aren't friends anyway). Sunday morning we start all over again and of course my son is mad at me. I couldn't take it anymore so I called my mother (who was in Sunday school BTW) and they came over. I felt like such a horrible mother. Felt like I was denying my son some time with his Dad. Which is not my intention at all. Needles to say, they missed Church because they were consoling me.

Around lunch time my AH calls my son to tell him that he missed a really good time. How thoughtful of him. Turns out the woman didn't go and only her son and his friend went. I wanted to choke him.

AH called again last night and wanted to know if our son could go with him to his Dad's house for a few minutes. I said yes, it was just the two of them. His dad bought him some food. They were gone for 30 min. End of that.

Today he calls me at work to tell me thank you for letting him see our son. Left me two messages while I was at lunch. Stupid me I call him back and he doesn't answer his phone. Why is everything on their terms or none at all?

My parents think I should run for the hills. Why is it so hard?

respektingme

Are you divorced? Is this woman you talk about, his new gf? Is she an alcoholic? I know it took me a long time to figure out AH had a problem. If she hasn't been around too long, perhaps she's clueless. Regardless, you say she is the woman who "let's him drink" every day. That gives her quite a bit of power, wouldn't you think? If he didn't want to drink, I doubt she could make him.

suzieq1972

We are not divorced...this is where he's been staying for the past month because he has too much guilt and shame to come home. This woman has a reputation for allowing people to come to her house and drink and do drugs. I didn't know about her until April of this year when my AH left one night, got drunk and passed out at her house. She knows exactly what she's doing. I realize she doesn't make him drink, but she allows him to do what I wouldn't let him do in our home.

sunshine321

And be glad for that. Let her deal with him. Better her than you.

Jenny