Major Changes in the First Year
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Major Changes in the First Year
Hello, all.
I've heard many times in AA to not make any major changes during the first year of recovery. There are a few things I started while I was still drinking that I'm now in the middle of during my (very) early recovery. I've gotten a few weeks together here and there since about May, broken by some minor 1-2 day slips.
I think I'm on the right path now, working my first step with the guidance of a sponsor and grandsponsor, and lots of uncles and brothers.
I've been house-hunting and job-hunting the last few months, and I have some prospects in the works. The job-hunting is particularly important, as I'll most likely be unemployed from my current position shortly.
Does any one have any ideas about just what is a major change? Should I put off the house-hunt for a while? I'm also going to discuss this with my sponsor in a day or two. I just wanted some ideas before I talk to him.
Blessings be to you all.
In sobriety,
LRH
I've heard many times in AA to not make any major changes during the first year of recovery. There are a few things I started while I was still drinking that I'm now in the middle of during my (very) early recovery. I've gotten a few weeks together here and there since about May, broken by some minor 1-2 day slips.
I think I'm on the right path now, working my first step with the guidance of a sponsor and grandsponsor, and lots of uncles and brothers.
I've been house-hunting and job-hunting the last few months, and I have some prospects in the works. The job-hunting is particularly important, as I'll most likely be unemployed from my current position shortly.
Does any one have any ideas about just what is a major change? Should I put off the house-hunt for a while? I'm also going to discuss this with my sponsor in a day or two. I just wanted some ideas before I talk to him.
Blessings be to you all.
In sobriety,
LRH
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi LRH,
I was sitting here flipping through my BB, but you know what? I'm not sure this is where it mentions major changes - could be the 12 and 12. Anyway, I googled your question and found a pretty basic response from a recovery tools site - it made sense to me.
"No major changes ... in the first year. This probably sounds impossible and even backwards-why did we get sober, after all, if it wasn't to change our lives? But the reasoning behind it is sound. During the first year, we tried not to plunge into new romances, change jobs or homes, or confront long-standing problems in our families. People said to us: Who you are will change. Who knows what you'll want in a year?"
I was sitting here flipping through my BB, but you know what? I'm not sure this is where it mentions major changes - could be the 12 and 12. Anyway, I googled your question and found a pretty basic response from a recovery tools site - it made sense to me.
"No major changes ... in the first year. This probably sounds impossible and even backwards-why did we get sober, after all, if it wasn't to change our lives? But the reasoning behind it is sound. During the first year, we tried not to plunge into new romances, change jobs or homes, or confront long-standing problems in our families. People said to us: Who you are will change. Who knows what you'll want in a year?"
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
"No major changes" is one of the many slogans all over the rooms of AA but not in the BB nor the 12x12. That is not to say it is without some merit however.
I see this most often applied to relationships and jobs. In your case the job situation looks to be inevitable. I look at this like going into someplace where booze is served. If you have good reason to do it, and you are on sound spiritual footing, go for it.
We certainly change people places and things as it relates to our addiction. That is change for a reason. I do not believe in change for the sake of change. Where does your housing situation fall in here?
I see this most often applied to relationships and jobs. In your case the job situation looks to be inevitable. I look at this like going into someplace where booze is served. If you have good reason to do it, and you are on sound spiritual footing, go for it.
We certainly change people places and things as it relates to our addiction. That is change for a reason. I do not believe in change for the sake of change. Where does your housing situation fall in here?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Southwest PA USA
Posts: 339
The house just holds some bad karma. I thought a change of scenery might be okay. I'm not planning on moving far, just a few miles at most, with in the same township.
It's just starting to cost more to maintain/renovate than would be worthwhile. I thought I'd cut my losses on it.
It's just starting to cost more to maintain/renovate than would be worthwhile. I thought I'd cut my losses on it.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
For my sobriety..
I did leave my still drnking lover
I did change to an office job ...from the hospitality industry.
I did quit hanging out with drinkers and in bars.
Pray Check your motives Move on
Glad to see you again
I did leave my still drnking lover
I did change to an office job ...from the hospitality industry.
I did quit hanging out with drinkers and in bars.
Pray Check your motives Move onGlad to see you again
Carpe Diem
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: I live by the riiiver!
Posts: 149
I just moved away yesterday into an apartment far from home so I could go to college. I have 56 days clean and sober. I have heard a lot of people tell me not to make any major changes in the first year because they can be so traumatic. I made it through this move without drinking or using but I have to admit that this was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I needed to go to college. This was likely to be my last financial opportunity and if I stayed where I was I would be back to drugs in no time. The time had come and I am proud of myself for grasping it. It wasn't easy but I did it without relapse. I don't know exactly what your situation is, but I say people have to live. If it is going to improve your life and not hurt you in the short or long term, why not?
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Sometimes the changes we need to make are already "in the works", as in your case. Inventory all your options, check your motives, do the right things and the right things will happen...simple as that.
Personally, I had been separated from my husband for two years when I quit drinking and started AA meetings. I had already filed for divorce and went to court on my 90th day! I probably would have gone through with the divorce anyway, but I wish I had waited the one year...I would have been a lot better able to handle it emotionally if I had that one year of sobriety.
Personally, I had been separated from my husband for two years when I quit drinking and started AA meetings. I had already filed for divorce and went to court on my 90th day! I probably would have gone through with the divorce anyway, but I wish I had waited the one year...I would have been a lot better able to handle it emotionally if I had that one year of sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
I like Dgillz 'no change for the sake of change' line.
everyone knows my bullheaded attitude...a recovery that ain't road tested ain't a real recovery.
Doesn't mean I live my life like an extreme sport, or that I don't have a healthy respect for my sobriety, but I can't see the point in holding off on changes that *need* to be made or challenges that *need* to be met.
It's *my* position anyway. I'm recovering to live. Sometimes life is hard. Go figure.
D
everyone knows my bullheaded attitude...a recovery that ain't road tested ain't a real recovery.
Doesn't mean I live my life like an extreme sport, or that I don't have a healthy respect for my sobriety, but I can't see the point in holding off on changes that *need* to be made or challenges that *need* to be met.
It's *my* position anyway. I'm recovering to live. Sometimes life is hard. Go figure.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I agree that if you need to change something, then you should change it. Just be cautious and maybe you should be sure of your motives and be aware that there could be more stress in your life.
I stopped drinking just a couple of weeks after moving to a new city. My husband was changing jobs and we had to leave behind both my children who were in university. Talk about a big change. Also, I had to quit my job and I couldn't work for awhile in our new area because I didn't speak the language. But, it was a blessing. My children grew closer to me and I began doing volunteer work that changed my life. So, sometimes change can be good.
I stopped drinking just a couple of weeks after moving to a new city. My husband was changing jobs and we had to leave behind both my children who were in university. Talk about a big change. Also, I had to quit my job and I couldn't work for awhile in our new area because I didn't speak the language. But, it was a blessing. My children grew closer to me and I began doing volunteer work that changed my life. So, sometimes change can be good.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
From my experience as a SW and background in psychology..I recall
5 major (stressors) that can be considered changes...or changes that
can trigger stress or strong emotions.
Moving...geographical change
Change in relationship (romantic) don't start one or stop one..without
counseling.
Change of employment
Death
Divorce
I could only think of four..but they are biggies..some can be avoided...
some cannot. Some are positive and nurture growth in sobriety..
some are downright necessary.
The best advice I can give is what AA teaches..
"Keep it Simple" and "Easy does It"
My best to you!
Love,
IO
5 major (stressors) that can be considered changes...or changes that
can trigger stress or strong emotions.
Moving...geographical change
Change in relationship (romantic) don't start one or stop one..without
counseling.
Change of employment
Death
Divorce
I could only think of four..but they are biggies..some can be avoided...
some cannot. Some are positive and nurture growth in sobriety..
some are downright necessary.
The best advice I can give is what AA teaches..
"Keep it Simple" and "Easy does It"
My best to you!
Love,
IO
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
I am grateful for this thread. I am too tired to read it now and my head it too fuzzy to digest it. I have added it to my favourites in case I get a chance to read it tomorrow.
One comment though - one of the reasons I knew I had to stop drinking was a job offer that was too good to pass up. I knew I could not keep such a job the way I was. So in early recovery, I find that I have a new job!
One comment though - one of the reasons I knew I had to stop drinking was a job offer that was too good to pass up. I knew I could not keep such a job the way I was. So in early recovery, I find that I have a new job!
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