cagefree

I'm at a place in my recovery where I'm truly starting to let go from the relationship, from him. I've got my own life apart from him and it has not felt strange without him around for awhile. I'm half thrilled, half sad that I'm accepting things more and more the way they are.

Well, I had a dream over the weekend and I woke up easily able to interpret it's meaning that it's scary.

The Dream
I was at work.

A coworker/friend of mine was briskly walking through the office with the cutest glass goldfish bowl, water crystal clear ...but her hand was over the top of the bowl.

My coworker explained that this fish liked to jump out of the bowl and he did when she wasn't looking and she was afraid it had died.

I looked into the bowl to see the most beautiful goldfish, puffy eyes, orange, white and black blobs on it's scales...but it was floating upside down.

She gave it a nudge and it moved a little. She nudged it again gently with her finger and it stopped moving. She sobbed and sobbed and I put my arm around her to comfort her.

Then my codie self, unable to see anyone or anything in pain wisked the bowl form her, grabbed another container and filled it up with water from the water fountain...the water looked a little orange, but I put the fish inside anyway. I nudged it a few times and it did start moving again.

But the beautiful fish was brown - muddy brown, the water was dirty and grainy.

The fish had turned into a frog which backed away from me into the corner of the container.

I woke up.

I won't bother to explain as it is so obvious what this dream is about - and it will apply to just about everyone here. This was a powerful dream to me.

chero

That is an amazing dream, Cagefree!

I'm glad you are enjoying your new found freedom. It's amazing, isn't it!?

cagefree

It is so amazing Chero!

Another thing I realized is that in my dreams before - I posted about one on another thread, I was not a codie in my dreams. In my other dreams, I would dream something because my codie self would either not allow myself to feel it, or could not validate it for me - like the dream I had of him apologizing for everything - I couldn't validate it for myself, so my mind gave me the gift of telling me what I already knew but couldn't acknowledge yet.

This time, it was reinforcing what I have finally been able to validate for myself. In my friendship with my Ex after kicking him out, I made something I once considered beautiful into a nasty ugly experience for myself when I could've grieved and moved on...but I needed to save, needed to be codie...saving in the end is not always the best outcome. I know that now, and I was my true self in the dream.

I wasn't saving a beautiful fish - but a deeply wounded, malformed and dirty frog.