alyssiav

...and why should I? I'm not faking nice anymore. I'm giving in to his "advances". I'm not doing anything I don't want to do for him anymore. Trying to set my boundries. He's hurt me tooo much and the resentment I have for him has just piled so high. He just gets meaner and is just more disrespectful. Saying he's hurt bcs of things I've said. What about the past 5 yrs of the things he's said and DONE? He's nice and sober for 5 minutes and when he realizes that I'm not gonna give in and play nice and give him what he wants I'm the punching bag again. Why don't i desearve any kindness? I've been hurt so... much and he just keeps hurting. He knows that with my MS I don't need this stress. Why does he feel like he's entitled to my love and affection when he has done nothing. He knows what is expected of him if he wants to attempt to save this marriage, get back in a program, go to mtgs, DO something!!! Doesn't he feel bad about anything he's putting me through? AHHHHH!

Wascally Wabbit

Alcoholics and drug addicts are some of the most selfish people on earth. They drink/drug, then blame everyone else for their drinking and drugging.
It's a merry go round of chaos.
It doesn't get better either. It gets worse. You know he has to be the one to take it to step one and admit he's powerless.
You are too. Powerless over his behavior. Realizing this will help you learn not to respond to ugly comments and bad behavior.
Good luch. I hope it gets better for you.

alyssiav

you were so right wascally. I went to bed after this post and woke up about and hour later with a (night terror) I usually get those around high anxiety times. He grabbed me to try and wake me (he knows he should not do that it makes it worse) then when I'm barely woken out of it he's babbling about how he doesn't need this **** and someone else can deal with it and he needs his sleep. While I'm hyperventalating and trying to get myself together I start crying... then he tells me he needs to get some sleep am I gonna cry all night. Then I couldn't sleep for 2 hours and he passes right out.

I'm punishing him for all his dreadful and awful ways and then he punishes me back. Also, he made sure he woke me up on his way out the door. So I'm hurt over and over and over. SO not fair!

krhea75

Alysss,
Can you get out of there? it sounds so stressful hon, i worry about you with your health. You are right, stress is not good for your MS. Is there a friend, parent or anyone that you can stay with for a while just to get a break? I am praying for your peace. You deserve and need peace.
krhea

codependent1

i am sorry all of this is happening right now......and i hate to sound redundant, but try with everything you have to take care of yourself!! Its the only thing that will ever begin to break the cycle. Even though you are entiltled to feel the way you do....you are being a classic victim and ONLY YOU can break this viscious cycle. I had to learn the hard way, that being a victim (and a doormat) is a total turnoff to him, whether he does drugs or not. Noone respects a person who is constantly in the victim role....so stand up for yourself and tell him straight up "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY". A wise thinker once shared with me some fabulous daily affirmations. I will send them to you in a PM. Thank you LightSeeker! Here for you!!!! Hugs!!!

splendra

I ain't being nice anymore either....

Momsrainbow

Why be nice to them?????? See no reason to be.

just for today

Blunt answer JMO....kick his butt to the curb.....what you are trying to save is not a marriage.......what you need to save is yourself........it will go on as long as you continue the dance......

frankly

((alyssia))

You don't deserve this, as you well know, the longer you are in this stressful situation, the worse your MS progresses. Every time you have a relapse of the MS, you have irrepairable damage.

When I had my first diagnosis, I was in the middle of my husbands addiction. The stress was killing me litterally. I was having problems functioning, talking, eating, my memory was worthless, I was having problems walking and the depression was unbearable. It was hard enough to sleep, even harder to be woke up when I finelly did get to sleep.

But you know what, when I ended the chaos, my prognosis changed almost over night. I now am in a remission that has lasted almost 2 years. If I didn't tell you something was wrong, you would never guess. I have so much energy now. I do things, I remember things again, I only occasionally have any difficulty walking. You need to concentrate on fighting your MS, getting away from the stress. Your very life depends on it.

Hugs and Prayers
B

parentrecovers

i need to see some action too, alyssia. my daughter can talk and talk and talk. it means nothing if it's not backed up with actions.

blessings, k

Ogly

So the question that came to my mind is - why do you stay? why do you put up with the crap? you have to be getting something out of it to stay. We all do. for me it was that I didn't think that I could get anyone better.

I sympathize with what you are going through but if you re-read your posts - you do realize that you are putting all the blame on him and not taking repsonsibility for the fact that you choose to stay.....

Yes - that is me whipping out my frying pan

So while yes - you have every reason not to be nice to him - you might want to stop focusing on him and what he has done wrong and what you can to do to bring the focus back on you and what you can be doing right to get yourself out of this situation... Because it is not about him - it is about you......

All said with love and a whack of the frying pan.....
Ogly.

Elana

When you become too afraid to stay you will find you are less afraid to leave... (or make him leave...).

I pray that happens before he hurts you or kills you.

No woman (or man) should be the punching bag for a spouse. Ever. Period.