My son is homeless what now Please help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 62
My son is homeless what now Please help
everyone,
I have had a migrane for 3 days, and mouth ulcers have just appeared and giving me hell, anyway my son was round again last night , and my tolerence was zero. He apologised the other day for the episode leading up to his arrest, half heartedely, I've got to say. He hasn't gone to any meetings as a result of this, and he has to be out of where he is staying in the next week because the landlord is hanging the locks.
he says he moving in with one of his buddies, but word is going round that he doesn't want him there. He comes to my house for food, and doesn't seem to have any plans to sort anything out.
I am just a mess at the moment and praying for better days. I know I couldn't cope with him living here. I would go crazy, I'm not strong enough, but the pressure really is on.
The question is could I really see him on he streets. My morphine adicted partner does live with me and he sticks up for him, and says it is me that is wrong sometimes.
You lovely people have kept me going with your replies and posts so please, I am asking you all again to help me thoug this ey difficult time.
God bless you all
Love nd hugs
Jewel
I have had a migrane for 3 days, and mouth ulcers have just appeared and giving me hell, anyway my son was round again last night , and my tolerence was zero. He apologised the other day for the episode leading up to his arrest, half heartedely, I've got to say. He hasn't gone to any meetings as a result of this, and he has to be out of where he is staying in the next week because the landlord is hanging the locks.
he says he moving in with one of his buddies, but word is going round that he doesn't want him there. He comes to my house for food, and doesn't seem to have any plans to sort anything out.
I am just a mess at the moment and praying for better days. I know I couldn't cope with him living here. I would go crazy, I'm not strong enough, but the pressure really is on.
The question is could I really see him on he streets. My morphine adicted partner does live with me and he sticks up for him, and says it is me that is wrong sometimes.
You lovely people have kept me going with your replies and posts so please, I am asking you all again to help me thoug this ey difficult time.
God bless you all
Love nd hugs
Jewel
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
**************{Jewel}}}}}}}
My heart breaks for you so much. You have so much on your plate, would you really want to add your son living with you on it also?
You said it yourself, "I know I couldn't cope with him living here. I would go crazy, I'm not strong enough..."
Your son is an adult, and needs to live his own life. The choices he has made have been his choices, bad choices, but his none the less. His choices have led him to homelessness and its not your place in life to fix this. You can give him food and most of all your love but if you let him move in.......I shudder at the thought. Maybe if he was getting help for his problem but he's not. All the same choices will be made by him living in your home and in the long wrong affecting YOU.
You need to be your top priority right now. You need to make YOUR choices based on what is right for you. Of course I can't tell you what to do, or tell you what I would do in your shoes, but I think I would have to tell him I've had enough.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I pray that things work out for you and I pray your son finds his way.
You just remember to take care of you!!
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
My heart breaks for you so much. You have so much on your plate, would you really want to add your son living with you on it also?
You said it yourself, "I know I couldn't cope with him living here. I would go crazy, I'm not strong enough..."
Your son is an adult, and needs to live his own life. The choices he has made have been his choices, bad choices, but his none the less. His choices have led him to homelessness and its not your place in life to fix this. You can give him food and most of all your love but if you let him move in.......I shudder at the thought. Maybe if he was getting help for his problem but he's not. All the same choices will be made by him living in your home and in the long wrong affecting YOU.
You need to be your top priority right now. You need to make YOUR choices based on what is right for you. Of course I can't tell you what to do, or tell you what I would do in your shoes, but I think I would have to tell him I've had enough.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I pray that things work out for you and I pray your son finds his way.
You just remember to take care of you!!
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
(((((((((Jewel))))))))))
Your son has made his choices so he has to live with them.
If he needs to be homeless for awhile then he needs to be, it's really not your problem. You need to take care of you.
Is your morphine addicted partner an active addict?
Ngaire
Your son has made his choices so he has to live with them.
If he needs to be homeless for awhile then he needs to be, it's really not your problem. You need to take care of you.
Is your morphine addicted partner an active addict?
Ngaire
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Posts: 10
Homeless Son
Hi Jewel!
This one is tough - no? I can imagine crumbling in the same situation and blaming myself for it happening all at the same time!
However -- 5 years of Al-Anon have taught me a couple of boundary tricks, I'd like to share with you. "Take what you like and leave the rest," as they say.
One of the choices that I can see that you have (beyond him moving in), looks like this:
#1) Give your son a list of the resources in the city that are available for homeless people. It's what we are told in my town to do when approached by someone asking for cash. It should include places he can get food, shelter, medicine, etc.
I used to feel so guilty about these situations, until I imagined myself saying the following things, "I know you can handle this situation, and I love you very much. Here is what I found that are resources in the community that you can use. Here's $50 (or whatever you can spare without feeling resentful and hating him!) to get you through the next month while you are applying for assistance....", etc. "I'll be more than happy to get you to the welfare office, to drive you to school twice a week -- " whatever it is that you CAN share without crippling him.
In other words - whatever you give him can be a resource he can use to build his OWN self-esteem, his OWN problem solving skills. The focus can be on helping him develop his OWN tools...and giving him a little hand to get that process going.
If he doesn't take you up on any of these offerings -- then you've done what you can do and he's made his own choices. You're out of the guilt trap, and you can see that he is just into manipulating behavior.
If he does take you up on it -- then you've both won!
#2) If you do end up with him living with you -- take that same attitude. --- Everyday is about helping him find the esteem and the resources to make it on his own.
Because ultimately he will resent you doing this for him. And not believing in him. And ultimately you will resent him for taking from you.
Good luck...I hope this was helpful.
This one is tough - no? I can imagine crumbling in the same situation and blaming myself for it happening all at the same time!
However -- 5 years of Al-Anon have taught me a couple of boundary tricks, I'd like to share with you. "Take what you like and leave the rest," as they say.
One of the choices that I can see that you have (beyond him moving in), looks like this:
#1) Give your son a list of the resources in the city that are available for homeless people. It's what we are told in my town to do when approached by someone asking for cash. It should include places he can get food, shelter, medicine, etc.
I used to feel so guilty about these situations, until I imagined myself saying the following things, "I know you can handle this situation, and I love you very much. Here is what I found that are resources in the community that you can use. Here's $50 (or whatever you can spare without feeling resentful and hating him!) to get you through the next month while you are applying for assistance....", etc. "I'll be more than happy to get you to the welfare office, to drive you to school twice a week -- " whatever it is that you CAN share without crippling him.
In other words - whatever you give him can be a resource he can use to build his OWN self-esteem, his OWN problem solving skills. The focus can be on helping him develop his OWN tools...and giving him a little hand to get that process going.
If he doesn't take you up on any of these offerings -- then you've done what you can do and he's made his own choices. You're out of the guilt trap, and you can see that he is just into manipulating behavior.
If he does take you up on it -- then you've both won!
#2) If you do end up with him living with you -- take that same attitude. --- Everyday is about helping him find the esteem and the resources to make it on his own.
Because ultimately he will resent you doing this for him. And not believing in him. And ultimately you will resent him for taking from you.
Good luck...I hope this was helpful.
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