Having a weak moment
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 209
Having a weak moment
My stomach hurts and I'm crying at work staring at my compouter screen...no wonder customers keep giving me strange looks...my nose looks like rudolph's.
Sometimes I feel like I know what I want to do, need to do, etc. Then I start reading stuff and I feel like everything I've decided is all wrong. Maybe I should give him another chance. He's been to rehab, he's been to a psych hospital. He says he wants to stop but he can't. He won't go to meetings...he's not even comfortable in his own home because he's ashamed of what he's done.
He told me once that if I couldn't accept him the way he is that I should let him go, but then he said he wanted to come home. All this double talk makes me crazy!
Do I call him if he doesn't call me? I hadn't heard from him for a week until he called yesterday...he sounded hurt that I hadn't called him. What is there to talk about? He's not helping to pay bills, he lives somewhere else. Maybe we should talk about the weather?
Friends say I should call a lawyer, get some legal advice. My heart says how can you even think like that. I just want PEACE!!!!! I pray for that all the time. But I can't seem to find it because I'm too wrapped up in my emotions.
He has a disease. Would I leave someone who has cancer?
Sometimes I feel like I know what I want to do, need to do, etc. Then I start reading stuff and I feel like everything I've decided is all wrong. Maybe I should give him another chance. He's been to rehab, he's been to a psych hospital. He says he wants to stop but he can't. He won't go to meetings...he's not even comfortable in his own home because he's ashamed of what he's done.
He told me once that if I couldn't accept him the way he is that I should let him go, but then he said he wanted to come home. All this double talk makes me crazy!
Do I call him if he doesn't call me? I hadn't heard from him for a week until he called yesterday...he sounded hurt that I hadn't called him. What is there to talk about? He's not helping to pay bills, he lives somewhere else. Maybe we should talk about the weather?
Friends say I should call a lawyer, get some legal advice. My heart says how can you even think like that. I just want PEACE!!!!! I pray for that all the time. But I can't seem to find it because I'm too wrapped up in my emotions.
He has a disease. Would I leave someone who has cancer?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
"He has a disease. Would I leave someone who has cancer?"
That's an excellent question. Make two columns and write down how you can help an alcoholic and how you can help a cancer patient. Then think about what an alcoholic can give you and what a cancer patient can give you. Finally think about how an A makes you feel and how a cancer patient could make you feel. Which one would you rather be in a relationship with?
Both are diseases, yes. One is an addiction and the other isn't. The cancer patient didn't choose cancer. The alchoholic chooses alcohol.
JMO
ARL
That's an excellent question. Make two columns and write down how you can help an alcoholic and how you can help a cancer patient. Then think about what an alcoholic can give you and what a cancer patient can give you. Finally think about how an A makes you feel and how a cancer patient could make you feel. Which one would you rather be in a relationship with?
Both are diseases, yes. One is an addiction and the other isn't. The cancer patient didn't choose cancer. The alchoholic chooses alcohol.
JMO
ARL
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
If he were allergic (deathly allergic) to bees, also a form of a disease, and he told you he was becoming a beekeeper would you feel obligated to stay.
Bees/Booze as an alcoholic I have an allergy.
Might put staying around in a different light if he gives up trying to raise those damn bees.
Just a thought.
Bees/Booze as an alcoholic I have an allergy.
Might put staying around in a different light if he gives up trying to raise those damn bees.
Just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
The cancer question comes up a lot.
If someone had cancer and caused the agony in my life the same as the alcoholic, yes, I would take care of me. I didn't leave AH because he is alcoholic; I left because I was not happy in my life. There is a difference.
If someone had cancer and caused the agony in my life the same as the alcoholic, yes, I would take care of me. I didn't leave AH because he is alcoholic; I left because I was not happy in my life. There is a difference.
I Finally Love My Life!!!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 648
(((Suzie))) I'm sorry it hurts so much right now!
Hmmm..I had a "suspicious" mole removed. It could have turned into cancer if I did nothing. I got it removed. Now I don't have skin cancer where the mole used to be.
Let's look at how he's "treating" his disease.
How does the question sound now?
Hmmm..I had a "suspicious" mole removed. It could have turned into cancer if I did nothing. I got it removed. Now I don't have skin cancer where the mole used to be.
Let's look at how he's "treating" his disease.
Originally Posted by suzieq1972 
He says he wants to stop but he can't.
He won't go to meetings
He's not helping to pay bills,
He lives somewhere else.
He has a disease. Would I leave someone who has cancer?
He won't go to meetings
He's not helping to pay bills,
He lives somewhere else.
He has a disease. Would I leave someone who has cancer?
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
I’ve seen many people here give try to give some rational excuse for living in pain.
With some thought you will find the proper answer.
Nobody sneaks up into the night and pour booze down the alcoholic’s throat when they are not looking, they do it themselves.
Detox, intervention and treatment programs are simple band-aids to a deeper problem.
When an alcoholic decides to go to AA and sticks to a program is when change begins.
Your program should be foremost to you.
How’s that working?
You can not take care of him, it’s his deal.
With some thought you will find the proper answer.
Nobody sneaks up into the night and pour booze down the alcoholic’s throat when they are not looking, they do it themselves.
Detox, intervention and treatment programs are simple band-aids to a deeper problem.
When an alcoholic decides to go to AA and sticks to a program is when change begins.
Your program should be foremost to you.
How’s that working?
You can not take care of him, it’s his deal.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: pa
Posts: 260
Suzie,
I am sorry you are feeling so much pain, I too felt guilt by leaving someone with a disease. After you have been to treatment several times and lost your job etc I believe it is a VOLUNTARY DISEASE. My husband was so happy he could use the disease excuse after relapsing so many times,it just made me sicker and sicker. I finally realized he isn't going to stop. He has been to some of the best treatment centers in the U.S. The only person I can get better is me and it has been a long hard road,some days I didn't feel strong enough to carry on, I keep going for these great kids I have. Peace and God bless.
I am sorry you are feeling so much pain, I too felt guilt by leaving someone with a disease. After you have been to treatment several times and lost your job etc I believe it is a VOLUNTARY DISEASE. My husband was so happy he could use the disease excuse after relapsing so many times,it just made me sicker and sicker. I finally realized he isn't going to stop. He has been to some of the best treatment centers in the U.S. The only person I can get better is me and it has been a long hard road,some days I didn't feel strong enough to carry on, I keep going for these great kids I have. Peace and God bless.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
Hi,i really dont know of anyone who is not in some kind of pain.I do know folks who can learn a new way to live,through all the pains of life,yes even with alcoholism.For me,ive found recovery in both AA/Al-anon.When pain comes,i know that i can get through it,without it taking over my own life.There is help and hope in those recovery rooms.Hope you will consider Al-anon.Cant say enough good things about this program.It has changed my very life!!!!
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