JessicaNAJ

How can a father leave his kids?

I was doing good, moving forward...then I started seeing very very positive actions and reactions from G. He was turning himself around. But he still couldn't admit that he cannot drink. Nevertheless, I opened the door to the chance that maybe...just maybe.

The night before he fled, he told me....I never should have started drinking. I drink here and there and as long as its beer I can stay focused, but the here and there leads to drinking on weekends, and then the next weekend and that leads to whiskey. That's when I loose focus. That's what leads to drugs.



G violated his probation. He had 2 years on the shelf. He was an emotional wreck....and drinking heavy b/c he was feeling lower and lower. He was crying .... and my heart truly went out to him. He was doing so much better and staying focused. He was staying with his sister and she was driving him back and forth to work b/c he didn't have a vehicle when he got out of jail in January. The chains were cut when he got his truck two months ago, and he began to make some bad choices. Which led to him voilating his probation...2 years on the shelf. And it scared the hell out of him to have to go back to jail and be away from his kids for that long. Then he fled....more bad choices. I think he went to Florida.

Of course the first thing I tried to do was control the situation, look for him before he got on the bus and talk some sense into him. When I realized it was too late........I cried everyday for almost 2 weeks. Now, I have a hundred emotions going through me. I prayed to God to take my pain away, the kids don't deserve this. They need me to be strong and focused.

I CANNOT control G's situation........but I can control mine. So, I got my rear out of bed and stopped feeling sorry for myself. When I start feeling down, I get up and get busy. Just gotta stay busy.

A part of me is sympathetic to how he's feeling. We all know that alcoholics have a very low self esteem in the first place. I know he feels like a failure. He was doing good and made a mistake that took him right back where he needs to be. But then a part of me is saying "DUMB@SS knew what was at risk!"

I just don't understand..........WHY DON'T HE CALL?? Truth be told, it hurts! I feel lost and very empty. I am irritable and fighting depression. I have to get my attention off of him and back on me and the kids. Next week we'll be on vacation....I pray that will help.

My dad left us (just disappeared and we didn't see him for a long long time) when him and my mom got divorced. I know how much that affected me. What will this do to my kids? Actually, they seem to be handling this better than me........go figure.

I'll be ok. Just needed to vent. Take care of me, one day at a time.

Mr. Christian

I feel bad you are going through this, again.

I always say if they are sober for at least ONE YEAR, then start talking.

You know the drill, get some more meetings under your belt and take the kids to a couple.
You will get past this.

dollydo

I am sorry, you do know it is not about what you want, it's not about what you don't understand, it is about what he wants, what he is capable of understanding, and under the influence, he cannot feel or understand anything.

To be honest, your children are better off not being exposed to his addiction(s) and your reaction to his problem.

You must shift gears, yet again, focus on your children, they are the innocent victims of this insanity. They are entitled to a life free of the chaos that has been imposed on them.

Time for no contact, so you can move forward for your children.

denny57

After 18 years of living with an alcoholic, MY self esteem was in the toilet and I felt like a complete failure. When active, ANY excuse will do.

guineapigjude

A father can leave his kids when the addiction is more powerful than his love for the kids. Or the wife. Or the mother. Or anyone that interferes with the addiction. My XAH tries to say he left so the kids and I would have a better life. I would like to believe he's noble, but the simple truth is that I wouldn't condone the drinking, drugging, and dealing around the kids, so he simply removed himself from them. As bad as it is, he got one thing right. They are far better off without him.

parentrecovers

just hugs. blessings, k

GlassPrisoner

I know how you feel, kind of.

My ex ran off to Oregon, leaving me with our two daughters. What a stroke of luck for me, not so good for them. Well, better for them than than how they were living, it was just hard on them at first, and they still have resentment towards her.

BTW, She's not an alcoholic. I too, don't understand.

an'ka

I wonder that question myself all the time. How can a father not see his child? How can he live with himself knowing that he is not contributing to her growth and development in any way? My baby is still too young to realize that she actually has a father, but soon she will ask me why other kids on the playground come with mom and dad, but she only has her mama. HOw can I possibly answer that? It breaks my heart. I didn't have a father figure--mine was an alcoholic and was completely out of my life--and now the same story is repeating itself with my angel.