pineapple2007

evreyone. the man i thought would never call, didnt care, was through with me. called me.

during the moments I was raging about a situation about me and my best friend. i get a call... u know when u think its someone else calling...and then all i see is his name on my cell. i did not pick up. why? ....god. he left a message saying he just wanted to see how i was doing. should i call back?.... god why? am I supposed to be here for him? still his friend? or no?

pineapple2007

oh my god. i cant take this anymore. i am so upset . how could ths happen? he call at my weakest moment. i wasnt even thinking about him. i was actually having a panic/ angry fit over my best friend. she treated me like crap 2 weeks ago. and i am so angry. I GET A CALL FROM HIM!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO MEEEEEEEEEE

pineapple2007

my gut tells me not to call back. but my heart wants to be there for him. my pride is in the way too. saying no, be strong, show him u are better.... these 3 things are pulling be back and forth.. WHAT DO I DO.

pineapple2007

we never left on good terms. we left as friends. so shouldnt I be a friend?

Cheyne

Hi Pineapple,

I'm sorry you had a fight with your friend.

Seems like you have mixed feelings about calling back. Maybe sleep on it and things will seem less emotional in the light of day?

Just a thought. . . .

((pineapple))

cagefree

When I finally heard from mine the message went something like..."I understand why you could hate me, but maybe I'll hear from you."

Sick...really sick

Mine wants something from me - or he wouldn't call me even though I never return any of his calls. I don't think it's love, I don't even think it's friendship. The A wants his codie back.

He still thinks he needs me...ya know what?

He had his chances - yes more than one.

I need me MORE. Today, I get ME.

And YOU need YOU too (((Pineapple)))

pineapple2007

but he is not drinking anymore. his message said: Hey cool dude. just seeing how your doing. I hope all is well. goodbye. THAT IS IT.

to late I called back. he didnt pick up. wont know it is me, no caller ID but **** if hes not in the shower or whatever and heard the ring but it ignoring he would figure its me. god someone is ******* wiith my head and wont stop.

ARealLady

Why do you feel you have to "be there" for him?

How is calling him going to help YOU?

You know he is not healthy relationship material right now.

You, on the other hand, are growing stronger.

(((((((Pineapple))))))

pineapple2007

but why did he call? what made his fingers press the buttons. i didnt want him to call. u people dont understand. my brain is going to explode. i dont know what is happening to me. things just keep coming at me left right and centre..and i cant block or dodge any more man...really i cant.

cagefree

Mine isn't drinking anymore either (that I know of), but who really knows?

pineapple2007

and today was the day I had a thought. Thought that I was almost ready to delete his # from my phone. and look what happends

pineapple2007

i just want to die. i cant take these emotions any more. emotions for my mom, my best friend, him, me, work, school... i cant take it anymore. im am so overwhelmed. i want to just leave. i want to run away. i want to run away and noone will know where i am. i hate this place so much. i want to leave and run away. i cant take it any more

ARealLady

Pineapple? Instead of questioning HIS motivation and trying to understand HIS thought processes, control what you can. Delete that #! You just did something for YOU. ((((((Pineapple))))))

ARL

Mr. Christian

You give this way too much power.


Does not matter what another’s motives are.
Thinking about does nothing but put you in spin.

chero

OMG! Pineapple, I so could have wrote this. I've been where you are.

Why do they call? I don't know. My AH keeps calling me because I think he is trying to return to the one thing in his life that was stable...trying to reclaim something that was once good. He has been sober for about 3 weeks, I think.

Here's what I've learned though, no matter why he calls I'm in control of me. If his calls are upsetting me then I don't take them.

Mr. C is right, you are giving HIM way too much power. I used to take the calls because I was afraid that he wouldn't be okay without me or that he would need me or something was wrong but I finally learned that he will be fine...with or without me.

I'm thinking about you! I know how hard this is! Think about YOU in this situation and do what is best for YOU!

pineapple2007

ya but. we never left on bad terms. he never hurt or abused me. or any of that.i don’t know if u guys remember my story but after getting sober for about a month he said he cant be in a relationship. what if he just needs a friend. His message didn’t seem like he wanted me back or any of that. I wouldn't mind checking in. after all... we were civil to each other throughout the whole thing. he didn’t disrespect me. in the end he was very respectful. and i'll always give him credit for that. of course it hurt/HURTING(!!!)... but I have to deal with it.

I know what u guys are saying though. and thanks so much for the posts.
if his calls hurt so much dont let them. I am trying hard to brush this call off today. it is just... i cant believe when it came in. during a time i was upset about a DIFFERENT situation in my life. when it rains it pours on my little head. I was actually in the middle of having one of those "f so and so, and F so and so, and F the world, and F that cat! F that co worker!" fits. and RING RING ~~~~~~ JEEZ!!! and that’s why I posted and I sounded like a crazy person. I was going berserk!!

I am so surprised at my self for not picking up the phone... WOW. but i prepared for that call (people, you must prepare for these things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Other wise you will crumble like a cookie). i told myself I won't appear available. but now i am regretting so badly. and feel I should give a friendly call this evening. maybe it will make me feel better/at ease.
I hate this game!! In my head. I want it to end. Why cant I be a normal human being and not think think think and analyze every damn thing!!!!!!!! I bet he just wanted to say hi. GOSH. BRAIN, SHUT UP!!!
Who has been through this.

Pick-a-name

Like my folks used to say back before we had answering machines ,voice mail,etc...."If it's REALLY important,they'll call back".

Chances are, it was just his "acloholic radar" kicking in, making sure he still has you on a string....jmho

Sorry you are upset;know the feeling.

pineapple2007

explain acloholic radar.
He doesnt drink anymore.... so does that hold truth? hes been sober for like 3months now.

Was wondering this. if maybe he called to see if he still "has" me.

I dunno. I think if he REALLY REALLY wanted to dispose of me he would REFRAIN from calling. i mean u would dial the #s...if u really missed theperson... but not press send. u would dial but say WAIT A MINUTE I CAN'T DO THIS...... so hm. I dunno.

Pick-a-name

imho, 3m (although great) is really not what I would call "sober". His thinking would still be "alcoholic" at the very least. (jmho....people with more experience than mine hopefully will chime in about that)

Here is what Toby Rice Drews calls "alcoholic radar" from her, "Getting Them Sober, Vol. 4" :"It seems unfortunate, but the alcoholic/addict often begins to return home (wooing you all over again, albeit for a short time before starting on his “junk’’ again) when you begin to not want him around anymore.

He often appears again before you get over him entirely (and you can!). He probably doesn’t want to lose you. He has what I call “alcoholic radar.” (When they are into this behavior, they know just what to do; when to pop up.)"

(see http://www.GettingThemSober.com to read more)

pineapple2007

thanks. but I don't think this applies. because he is serious about his recovery. I know he hasnt drank. and he wont..... so... (any time soon)

his gut was killing him so bad scared him and now he doesnt want to touch the stuff.
like i said.. even on vacation he didnt even budge. (i know he is currently not.)
maybe he just misses me? ...... his message didnt sound anything like he was pressing or anything. he just said hey want to see how ur doing, hope everything is ok.

ps. what does "imho" stand for?