Language of Letting Go - August 7
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - August 7
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Saying No
For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.
No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.
The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.
When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.
When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.
If we're scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions.
When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: "No" isn't really that hard to say.
Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Saying No
For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.
No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.
The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.
When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.
When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.
If we're scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions.
When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: "No" isn't really that hard to say.
Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Oh boy, was it hard for me to learn to say "no". But it was a wonderful lesson to learn and today I am fluently bilingual in at least this word.
Choose your translation and try it, it begins to come naturally after a while
No.
Nyet. Non. Nay.
I really don't think so.
I really must decline, but I'm sure you'll work something out.
It's just not possible at this time.
I have no money (this says it faster than anything I know).
It wouldn't be healthy for me.
Nope, uh uh, not in my lifetime pal, not in your dreams.
Ain't gonna happen. Just doesn't work for me. Gee, I'm sorry, your life sucks.
"No". It's a wonderful word.
Hugs
Choose your translation and try it, it begins to come naturally after a while
No.
Nyet. Non. Nay.
I really don't think so.
I really must decline, but I'm sure you'll work something out.
It's just not possible at this time.
I have no money (this says it faster than anything I know).
It wouldn't be healthy for me.
Nope, uh uh, not in my lifetime pal, not in your dreams.
Ain't gonna happen. Just doesn't work for me. Gee, I'm sorry, your life sucks.
"No". It's a wonderful word.
Hugs
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
After my Al Anon meeting last night another woman and I started talking. She did a VERY HARD thing yesterday. She told her newly sober son NO. He has 6 months under his belt (was inpatient for 6 months and just now home.) He was going somewhere with his sponsor and asked his mother for a few dollars for lunch.
She, in all her honesty, told him no because her past experience with him proved she was only giving him money to buy drugs, and that she just was not comfortable with giving him money. His response? "I understand, mama."
WHAT A HUGE HURDLE she jumped yesterday! I told her how I remembered the time I had to tell my daughter no. Those milestones in my recovery are etched in my mind and serve as reminders that the 12 step program works...for me, at least.
And this is what I call another "God thing." This same woman friend reads "Language of Letting Go" everyday. I'll call her this a.m. and say, "How 'bout the subject of today's reading?!"
Thanks, Ann, for this reminder. Reinforcement never hurts.
She, in all her honesty, told him no because her past experience with him proved she was only giving him money to buy drugs, and that she just was not comfortable with giving him money. His response? "I understand, mama."
WHAT A HUGE HURDLE she jumped yesterday! I told her how I remembered the time I had to tell my daughter no. Those milestones in my recovery are etched in my mind and serve as reminders that the 12 step program works...for me, at least.
And this is what I call another "God thing." This same woman friend reads "Language of Letting Go" everyday. I'll call her this a.m. and say, "How 'bout the subject of today's reading?!"
Thanks, Ann, for this reminder. Reinforcement never hurts.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Hurricane Alley, Fl
Posts: 119
"Gee, I'm sorry, your life sucks."
LOL!!!!
I still struggle with no. So I am going to take Ann's list to heart and practice ways to say nope/nah/zippo/love ya'buh-bye/no,no,no.
Tho this is not an excuse or rationalization, I do think that women raised in the south may have a harder time with it. I was raised in an atmosphere saturated with politeness at the expense of frankness. And though there are plenty of southern belles who can say nope with the best of them — Hangin' In, that's you! Scarlett,too! - being respectful of yourself was one etiquette lesson I am learning later in life.
Thanks so much for the reading~ it's a wonderful way to start my morning~
LOL!!!!
I still struggle with no. So I am going to take Ann's list to heart and practice ways to say nope/nah/zippo/love ya'buh-bye/no,no,no.
Tho this is not an excuse or rationalization, I do think that women raised in the south may have a harder time with it. I was raised in an atmosphere saturated with politeness at the expense of frankness. And though there are plenty of southern belles who can say nope with the best of them — Hangin' In, that's you! Scarlett,too! - being respectful of yourself was one etiquette lesson I am learning later in life.
Thanks so much for the reading~ it's a wonderful way to start my morning~
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
So many of my "yesses" were really "No" in disguise... and those ultimately left me feeling resentful and others in my life understandably confused.
I remember the freedom I felt when I realized NO was a complete sentence.
And, like Ann, I've found a variety of ways to say no, and also to buy myself some time.
I'm sorry I can't do that, but I could do this..
Let me think about that.
Can I get back to you on that?
I'm not comfortable answering that just yet...
I'm sure I have more, but the coffee hasn't kicked in yet!
Hugs
Cats
I remember the freedom I felt when I realized NO was a complete sentence.
And, like Ann, I've found a variety of ways to say no, and also to buy myself some time.
I'm sorry I can't do that, but I could do this..
Let me think about that.
Can I get back to you on that?
I'm not comfortable answering that just yet...
I'm sure I have more, but the coffee hasn't kicked in yet!
Hugs
Cats
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by Nitelite 
Tho this is not an excuse or rationalization, I do think that women raised in the south may have a harder time with it. I was raised in an atmosphere saturated with politeness at the expense of frankness. And though there are plenty of southern belles who can say nope with the best of them — Hangin' In, that's you! Scarlett,too! - being respectful of yourself was one etiquette lesson I am learning later in life.
Thanks so much for the reading~ it's a wonderful way to start my morning~
Thanks so much for the reading~ it's a wonderful way to start my morning~
I've learned a thing or two from our own Ms. Scarlett, Hangin' In, who blesses my heart often and swears she means it
Hugs
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Oh Nite, don't be fooled by something I write that half way makes sense every now 'n then. You know the ole recovery saying, "Some are quicker, some are thicker?" Well, honey child, I was the THICKER with this saying "no" thing. I only came to being able to say no in my middle age and I still have to remind myself to do it when I need to.
Thank you, Lord, for recovery, Al Anon, and this board. It's only through all of those that I'm becoming more comfortable with that precious little word.... NO!
You know the ole recovery saying, "Some are quicker, some are thicker?" Well, honey child, I was the THICKER with this saying "no" thing. I only came to being able to say no in my middle age and I still have to remind myself to do it when I need to.Thank you, Lord, for recovery, Al Anon, and this board. It's only through all of those that I'm becoming more comfortable with that precious little word.... NO!
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