Starr

I haven't been on for a long time. Just have the computor for a bit.

How does one just get out if one isn't working full time and do not have job skills to get a good job and no where really to go. (I don't want to go to a shelter) I'm tired of it. Can't kick him out-this is his world.

parentrecovers

do have any family or friends to help you?

kj0975

Do you have family? There are members here in WA that might be able to help you. There are convience stores and markets and such that will teach you things and its a start somewhere.

Astro

Hi Starr, I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice but my suggestion would be to start attending Al-Anon meetings and reaching out to members for help. You don't need to do this alone, and you'll meet many people who've been in the same situation and can identify with what you're going through. Keep the focus on you, your health, and your safety.

parentrecovers

great response, astro! k

Starr

I have gone to alanon when I can. Long drive. No family around, have considered the move but many things involved. What do you do about the bills/loans in my name too? Tonight should be a big blowup. And now I have a medical issue that I am dealing with and the insurance is in his name.

hopeangel

hi starr. you can find an attorney to give you a free consult and lead you in the right direction. i know i felt less "stuck" after i talked to one and got that big step out of the way.

one small step at a time. just develope some kind of plan to get you out, any kind, and take one thing at a time if you must to get yourself there.

Lady BlueMiles

Hi Starr,

Do you have any Alanon books to read. Maybe when you don't have access to the computer or a meeting the reading could help? Many local libraries offer free computer time too.

My AH is self employed so my job provides the medical benefits right now and I can understand. If I leave my house to go live with family out of state I lose my job and benefits and I have some medical issues right now too. One day at a time I'm trying to line my ducks up in a row. I'm finding it harder and harder to live with an active alcoholic. SR and Alanon are really helping me right now.

Lady BlueMiles

I almost forgot... you mentioned the possibility of a big blow up.

I'm not sure about your situation, but I would not hesitate to call 911 and go to a shelter if my life and physical safety were being threatened. Safety comes first!

GiveLove

Hi Starr,

You are in a tough spot but it's not impossible...just will take some more planning to get out of. Here are the things I might do in your shoes:

--go to meetings as often as I could and built a support system...that gave me the strength to do the rest

--study up on divorce laws in your state. In mine, even if you separate or divorce the insurance has to continue.

--start quietly exploring options, for example housing options. Once you know that a certain housing situation (sharing, low-income, women's) costs XX.XX a month, then you know how much money you have to make to support that. Knowledge is power.

--start quietly reading the want-ads. Look for ads that don't require experience...there are a lot.

--think about your family and whether, if you explained your situation and outlined a plan, they might help you get yourself safe

--get yourself as healthy as you can: eat right, get fresh air, take a walk every day, see if your doctors can't help you make lifestyle changes that will help your medical condition and help you become freer

There is hope, and there is support out there (and in here). It may take some time but if you are careful and quiet it can be done without "the big blowup". And if you do not feel safe, please find an escape plan to get out with your kids, even if it's a temporary situation at a shelter. Just because you research these things does not mean you will ever have to do them...but having a plan can make all the difference.

Hugs,
GL