nan07

Hi everybody...
I posted about this in the women's section about three weeks ago. There are some new developments and frankly, I need all the help I can get.

I have a friend, "Gina" coming to stay with me for four days next week. She moved out of state over a year ago for career opportunities. Gina always crashes with friends when she visits and when she visits, she parties...hard. Gina asked my partner and I if she could stay with us about a month ago. I was torn...I am nearly two months sober and avoiding any and all situations that involve alcohol. My partner informed Gina that she could stay, but as I am newly sober, there's a "no alcohol" policy in the house. Amazingly, Gina agreed! However, as the date of her arrival nears, we have been receiving e-mails from Gina (these are going out to all her friends in the area) announcing the date of her arrival and an invitation to a welcome party at a bar located a half block from my house. Additionally, we have received invitations to other parties in the area to "catch up" and "socialize" with Gina.

It's dawning on me that the "no alcohol" policy did not in any way extend to "not stumbling in wasted". I am a bit surprised that she would not put these two things together, but that's neither here nor there. Needless to say, I can't attend any of these social events, at least not now. Further, I don't want her hanging around here drunk. My partner says that she probably won't be coming home until late, so there's no issue.

So, here's my question. Would it be unreasonable for me to inform Gina (eight days before her arrival) that the "no alcohol" policy also translates to not being buzzed/wasted in my house? I honestly don't know what's normal these days. I don't know if I'm being a bitch, or just proactive. Please help!

Thanks in advance...

gypsytears

Hi Nan. I would ask Gina to find other accomodations and see her only while she's sober.

Protect yourself... you've been working hard for 2 months.

Rowan

Hi Nan,

I'm with Gypsy. Ask her to make other arrangements - it sounds like she knows many people in the area.

Your recovery comes first.

Astro

Well, for me I need to set boundaries about anything that threatens my sobriety. If I'm not comfortable having someone stumble around my house drunk, having the power of choice allows me to ask them to leave or call them a taxi to take them home. I can also use that power to ask that no alcohol be allowed in my home if necessary. In my current situation my GF drinks wine, I only ask that she take home the leftovers or dump them out, I don't need the temptation around.

In your situation, I'd ask that she respect your sobriety and not come home wasted. If she can't honor that, offer to find her a room in a motel/hotel or ask that she stay with another friend. If she's a true friend, she'll understand and respect your request.

parentrecovers

ditto to everyone above. a real friend will understand. blessings, k

micepod

Nan

I had the same situation arise when an old friend wanted to come and stay with my husband and I. He is a big drinker and we told him that he could stay as long as he didn't drink. We made it clear that we did not want him drinking in other places and coming home to our house either. He understood and decided not to stay with us.

If your friend can't respect your boundaries then too bad. You have your health to consider.

Like Rowan said. It sounds like there are many places that she could potentially stay.

hope that helps.

Karen

Jersey Nonny

I agree with everyone so far...and, if you've already put restrictions on her stay with you via the alcohol-free accommodations, she might actually be relieved if given a valid reason for staying elsewhere...she could party hearty with no holds barred. You could maybe meet her for coffee or lunch a couple of times to catch up in neutral territory. Good luck.

IO Storm

Nan... I can only speak from experience..

Just the smell of it on other's breath and body makes me queasy...since I stopped..

I am ultra sensitive to the odor ..especially if they are wasted..

We know alcohol comes out of the pores of the skin..when the

body tries to get rid of the poison...

A family member visited me "wasted" in April..

I was emotionally triggered..and when she got close..that smell

made me sick.

Something else that happens (to me) is the phenomenon of

"getting thirsty" the next day or so.

That is my opinion..and..remember..your sobriety comes first!

Love,

:

IO

Grateful Heart

Hi Nan, I agree with all of the above! GH

baggervance

It's your house dont people please if she is a real freind she will understand and if she dont what have you really lost.However I found it was very useful seeing someone slungover badly helped remind me what it's really like.

khiggs

If she is really your friend, she will care about your happiness and success as much as her own, and stay with someone else and still remain your friend.

Daisy1975

I say absolutely not. It's your home and you need to put your well weing and sobriety above her need to drink. If she is a real friend - she should have no trouble understanding.

GlassPrisoner

I know if I were asked to abstain when I was drinking, that I wouldn't have. It's not a realistic expectation to hold her to. IMO.

nan07

Thanks, everybody...
you've all made some excellent points. Right now, it's looking like every day she has here (excluding the morning of her departure) is filled with parties. If I want to see her during a sober moment, it looks like it'll have to be breakfast! It's not like I'm going to go out and get drunk just because she comes home wasted, but it's not my life any more...and like IO Storm, I hate the smell of it on others and bottom line, I just don't want to be around it right now. Thanks again...

lostmdboy

Your sobriety must comes first. Seeing drunkd stumbling and acting like idots might be good for your sobriety in very small doses though. I could not have her in my house. good luck!

Dream2bClean

not a good idea

NEEDTOBESOBER

I would not let her stay at my house, it would be a bad idea.