When do I return to my true self?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Concord NC
Posts: 7
When do I return to my true self?
I haven't used hydrocodone since 7/20, of which I'm proud
I still want it or anything resembling it but haven't attempted to get it.
What I really want: I want to see the woman I was two years ago: happy, energetic, not running to the doctor for Vicodin. The woman that had 10% body fat because she had energy to work out. The one that rarely missed work. That could make it to parties and weddings for friends because she felt good. The woman who rode horses all the time and played a really lousy game of tennis...lol.
I miss her so much. She wasn't perfect but she was okay and healthy.
Will she come back?
The person I am now cries all the time and hardly has energy to wash her hair. I don't hate her-she makes me so sad,though.
I still want it or anything resembling it but haven't attempted to get it.
What I really want: I want to see the woman I was two years ago: happy, energetic, not running to the doctor for Vicodin. The woman that had 10% body fat because she had energy to work out. The one that rarely missed work. That could make it to parties and weddings for friends because she felt good. The woman who rode horses all the time and played a really lousy game of tennis...lol.
I miss her so much. She wasn't perfect but she was okay and healthy.
Will she come back?
The person I am now cries all the time and hardly has energy to wash her hair. I don't hate her-she makes me so sad,though.
death before dishonor
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: all over
Posts: 67
I am on day 21 of coming off of oxys and I still feel pretty bad but a lot better then the first week. I have been working out since day ten and it has been doing good things for me. I have been working out hard too and it is the only thing that really makes me feel normal for a bit. I hope you try it because it helps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: South Africa
Posts: 138
My sponsor told me "You did not get addicted in a short period of time, so you will not recover overnight" As irritating as it seems, this is the truth. It takes time. I does get better with every day clean though.
From a spiritual point of view, I understandf this in tewrms of the law of reaction for every action. What took time to be done, cannot simply be undone.
Patience and struggle equals quality sobriety.
Wish it was easier........
From a spiritual point of view, I understandf this in tewrms of the law of reaction for every action. What took time to be done, cannot simply be undone.
Patience and struggle equals quality sobriety.
Wish it was easier........
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by kitten6550 
I haven't used hydrocodone since 7/20, of which I'm proud
I still want it or anything resembling it but haven't attempted to get it.
What I really want: I want to see the woman I was two years ago: happy, energetic, not running to the doctor for Vicodin. The woman that had 10% body fat because she had energy to work out. The one that rarely missed work. That could make it to parties and weddings for friends because she felt good. The woman who rode horses all the time and played a really lousy game of tennis...lol.
I miss her so much. She wasn't perfect but she was okay and healthy.
Will she come back?
The person I am now cries all the time and hardly has energy to wash her hair. I don't hate her-she makes me so sad,though.
I still want it or anything resembling it but haven't attempted to get it.
What I really want: I want to see the woman I was two years ago: happy, energetic, not running to the doctor for Vicodin. The woman that had 10% body fat because she had energy to work out. The one that rarely missed work. That could make it to parties and weddings for friends because she felt good. The woman who rode horses all the time and played a really lousy game of tennis...lol.
I miss her so much. She wasn't perfect but she was okay and healthy.
Will she come back?
The person I am now cries all the time and hardly has energy to wash her hair. I don't hate her-she makes me so sad,though.
FF-I have back surgery and a medical necessity hysterectomy app 7 years ago-bingo, I'm hooked on Lortab, and have decided that prescription pain killers are of the devil, because I NEVER had this problem dropping anything else. I am exasperated with myself to no end about this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: S.E. Mich.
Posts: 1,433
Kitten, it might be time for some kind of "after care"; physical and mental. Alot of things change while we use, some we're aware of, some not. You've made it through the worst of it though, congratulations, just don't give up.
MeToo, you're right, pain pills are very hard to get away from, (at least for most folks it seems). Don't give up the fight though, it can be done.
And welcome to SR.
MeToo, you're right, pain pills are very hard to get away from, (at least for most folks it seems). Don't give up the fight though, it can be done.
And welcome to SR.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Metoo - I know how you feel - my alcoholism has spiralled into sugar addiction, caffeine addiction, obsessive love LOL I mean it's just madness! But, today I am clean and sober and by working a program of recovery I know I'm getting better...I'm tempted to say at least when I was in active addiction these things were blocked out/dampened LOL because I was a blanked out blocked out person - oh, but let me then remember the blackouts, rages, guilt, self hatred, shame guilt...uh, I guess it did manifest then too!
Kitten, your clean time is AWESOME - even one day is a victory. Having said that it's a short time your body and mind is battered and needs time to regroup...for me what helped was a recovery program like na and and aa cause there i got the face to face fellowship, support and TOOLS to rebuild myself. I don't believe for me that I could rebuild my life and self just by putting down my drug of choiice. There was too much damage. I konw that if you keep clean, and work a program of your choice _ my vote is NA / AA find them amazing God given programmes - you will recover and become a woman you love even more!! I make myself sad too sometimes, that's ok, i think it's necessary for us to totally 'get' the horror of what our active addiction does to us.
Good luck, keep posting!!!!!
Cathy31
x
Kitten, your clean time is AWESOME - even one day is a victory. Having said that it's a short time your body and mind is battered and needs time to regroup...for me what helped was a recovery program like na and and aa cause there i got the face to face fellowship, support and TOOLS to rebuild myself. I don't believe for me that I could rebuild my life and self just by putting down my drug of choiice. There was too much damage. I konw that if you keep clean, and work a program of your choice _ my vote is NA / AA find them amazing God given programmes - you will recover and become a woman you love even more!! I make myself sad too sometimes, that's ok, i think it's necessary for us to totally 'get' the horror of what our active addiction does to us.
Good luck, keep posting!!!!!
Cathy31
x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
6550, wecome, and your in the right place...
as mentioned... a follow up to the cluthces of them nasties... perhaps, a IOP program, NA/AA... a secular program, aunt tillies program... something...
addiction wants us to be miserable, and we have to find a way out...
ppfftt!... forget about the old you, try to find, the new... improved you...
cathy31, nice to see you on the board again...(big smile)
all good wishes...
xxoo, rz
as mentioned... a follow up to the cluthces of them nasties... perhaps, a IOP program, NA/AA... a secular program, aunt tillies program... something...
addiction wants us to be miserable, and we have to find a way out...
ppfftt!... forget about the old you, try to find, the new... improved you...
cathy31, nice to see you on the board again...(big smile)
all good wishes...
xxoo, rz
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I'm using the Program and working the steps ...
in hopes of being my true self ... for the first time ...
I'm actually kinda psyched to see what the Infinite has in mind for me.
I'll probably be the most surprised person in the room.
in hopes of being my true self ... for the first time ...
I'm actually kinda psyched to see what the Infinite has in mind for me.
I'll probably be the most surprised person in the room.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi Kitten,
I remember feeling totally drained of energy while going through withdrawals...I was on narcotics for three years...I didn't start feeling good, like my old self until three months passed. It may be different for you...
Keep posting, we are gald you are here.
I remember feeling totally drained of energy while going through withdrawals...I was on narcotics for three years...I didn't start feeling good, like my old self until three months passed. It may be different for you...
Keep posting, we are gald you are here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 41
I am tapering, and having withdrawals from just doing that. I went for a walk (in the heat of noon, in the humidity and heat capital of the USA, LOL-mistake)-very fast, a workout-I'm a strong walker-and almost didn't make it home to hit the loo(anyone getting off the pills knows what I mean, LOL).
I want to add, that I would never jump on a bandwagon that prescription pain meds should be outlawed-they are a legitimate and useful treatment for chronic pain by doctors, and millions of people take them responsibly and as prescribed. My husband is one of them. I'm not-I don't even know how it happened to me, and as I say, I had no problem dropping other things full stop, many years ago. I never even looked back. I don't know how this happened.
I'm VERY hot and aggravated right now, but very pleased that I went to bed last night before 11 and awoke at 6:30 AM, read my Bible, and thanked God that He's helping through this.
I want to add, that I would never jump on a bandwagon that prescription pain meds should be outlawed-they are a legitimate and useful treatment for chronic pain by doctors, and millions of people take them responsibly and as prescribed. My husband is one of them. I'm not-I don't even know how it happened to me, and as I say, I had no problem dropping other things full stop, many years ago. I never even looked back. I don't know how this happened.
I'm VERY hot and aggravated right now, but very pleased that I went to bed last night before 11 and awoke at 6:30 AM, read my Bible, and thanked God that He's helping through this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by Misscat
good luck, time is your best friend!!
You are right-I've got to remember, I didn't get here overnight, and I won't get back overnight. I am mainly afraid of fooling myself re: the tapering, but I am pretty good at not fooling myself, and if I think I'll try to, my husband is there to set me straight
I've been addicted for almost 7 years, and have never been motivated from within myself, putting aside external reasons, to stop. It hurts. I have decided that if I can get to 3 and then to 2 a day, I can just STOP then. Am I wrong? My husband IS trusting me to give him correct information in order to help me, am I fooling myself that I can taper to 2-3 and then just stop? I've built a life around a schedule, "Oh it's such-and-such time, it's time for a pill", that I'm having to learn to focus my days on something else. My faith is being very helpful there. I guess I just need some human reassurance, and I'm a big girl, I can take the truth.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: tennessee
Posts: 592
I got a love-hate relationship with loratabs.I got to stay away from codine in any form.Ive havent taking any in a little over 4 weeks still have no energy.But i can eat anything.I could not taper I would do good when I woke up always with my plan ready to taper and it just wasnt going to happen I just had to quit.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 41
So far today (day 2) I've stuck to the plan. I've been alone at home all day, no hubby to be "the parent" here right now, and I have stuck to it. I've gotten a lot of chores done, and I'm cooking up a storm, LOL (just cooking, not eating). I'm having my nightly 2-3 hour bath in a few minutes (I watch movies in the tub, hehe) and then I'm going to bed. I felt so good this morning, pretty good at noon, don't feel so hot right now, but I know for sure that I can make it through the night to bed. I get lost in an old movie.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 41
I've been slacking off the cigarettes at the same time-I put them far far away so that everytime I want one I at least have to go walk to get it. My husband smokes like a chimney, I'm kinda hoping he'll take a cue, because he smokes so much that the acrid smell of smoke wakes me up in the morning (unless I get up before him, like today, it was so nice).
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