I finally made him move out
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 28
I finally made him move out
I dont know how many of you remember me, I won't bore you all with the details of past history. Summary: been with alcoholic b/f (binger) for 3 years. Every time he wants to binge he leaves me, goes out of town to his alcholic brother's house. Days later he surfaces and wants to come back home, and on the cycle goes.
This time I saw it coming, looming, drowning me in waiting for it to hit, for nearly 2 months. Then off he went, this time screwing our finances so royally it amounted to theft and abandonment. The past 2 weeks have been hell trying to fix the mess. His binge was short but powerful, and expensive!!! I have not let him come home. He is living with his sister here in town and her hubby and kids. I told him min. a year, this way. That is IF I see changes, but if not, I'm not waiting around. I know I have no power. It is killing me but I'm standing my ground and basically waiting for him to hang himself and still praying for him he'll figure out he needs help.
We talk, I don't enable. I won't discuss reconciliation. I won't discuss his addiction. I won't get sucked in. We've seen each other a few times, always away from my home. I have told him that there will NOT be contact at my home, period, that it is my home now and I'm protecting my own interest. If he steps foot in my house, I know I'll not want him to walk out the door. It is myself I don't trust to not beg him to stay.
I have met some very supportive people in my neighbourhood who understand due to addiction affecting their loved ones. They are helping me find strength to do what I have to do.
I cannot however pretend I am not heartbroken and devestated. He has fixed the finances for the most part. Now it is just learning to live without him in my daily life. I miss him already. Perhaps it would be easier if he drank daily, I'd be so glad to be rid of it all. Since he's a binger, and often goes a LONG stretch without binging, it has been easy to pretend he is gaining control over this and getting well. When he IS home, we are much in love, very happy and have a wonderful life. This just feels like a hell of a kick in the ass.
This time I saw it coming, looming, drowning me in waiting for it to hit, for nearly 2 months. Then off he went, this time screwing our finances so royally it amounted to theft and abandonment. The past 2 weeks have been hell trying to fix the mess. His binge was short but powerful, and expensive!!! I have not let him come home. He is living with his sister here in town and her hubby and kids. I told him min. a year, this way. That is IF I see changes, but if not, I'm not waiting around. I know I have no power. It is killing me but I'm standing my ground and basically waiting for him to hang himself and still praying for him he'll figure out he needs help.
We talk, I don't enable. I won't discuss reconciliation. I won't discuss his addiction. I won't get sucked in. We've seen each other a few times, always away from my home. I have told him that there will NOT be contact at my home, period, that it is my home now and I'm protecting my own interest. If he steps foot in my house, I know I'll not want him to walk out the door. It is myself I don't trust to not beg him to stay.
I have met some very supportive people in my neighbourhood who understand due to addiction affecting their loved ones. They are helping me find strength to do what I have to do.
I cannot however pretend I am not heartbroken and devestated. He has fixed the finances for the most part. Now it is just learning to live without him in my daily life. I miss him already. Perhaps it would be easier if he drank daily, I'd be so glad to be rid of it all. Since he's a binger, and often goes a LONG stretch without binging, it has been easy to pretend he is gaining control over this and getting well. When he IS home, we are much in love, very happy and have a wonderful life. This just feels like a hell of a kick in the ass.
No alcohol in my blood
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Henderson, Nevada
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by confusedgf 
I dont know how many of you remember me, I won't bore you all with the details of past history. Summary: been with alcoholic b/f (binger) for 3 years. Every time he wants to binge he leaves me, goes out of town to his alcholic brother's house. Days later he surfaces and wants to come back home, and on the cycle goes.
This time I saw it coming, looming, drowning me in waiting for it to hit, for nearly 2 months. Then off he went, this time screwing our finances so royally it amounted to theft and abandonment. The past 2 weeks have been hell trying to fix the mess. His binge was short but powerful, and expensive!!! I have not let him come home. He is living with his sister here in town and her hubby and kids. I told him min. a year, this way. That is IF I see changes, but if not, I'm not waiting around. I know I have no power. It is killing me but I'm standing my ground and basically waiting for him to hang himself and still praying for him he'll figure out he needs help.
We talk, I don't enable. I won't discuss reconciliation. I won't discuss his addiction. I won't get sucked in. We've seen each other a few times, always away from my home. I have told him that there will NOT be contact at my home, period, that it is my home now and I'm protecting my own interest. If he steps foot in my house, I know I'll not want him to walk out the door. It is myself I don't trust to not beg him to stay.
I have met some very supportive people in my neighbourhood who understand due to addiction affecting their loved ones. They are helping me find strength to do what I have to do.
I cannot however pretend I am not heartbroken and devestated. He has fixed the finances for the most part. Now it is just learning to live without him in my daily life. I miss him already. Perhaps it would be easier if he drank daily, I'd be so glad to be rid of it all. Since he's a binger, and often goes a LONG stretch without binging, it has been easy to pretend he is gaining control over this and getting well. When he IS home, we are much in love, very happy and have a wonderful life. This just feels like a hell of a kick in the ass.
This time I saw it coming, looming, drowning me in waiting for it to hit, for nearly 2 months. Then off he went, this time screwing our finances so royally it amounted to theft and abandonment. The past 2 weeks have been hell trying to fix the mess. His binge was short but powerful, and expensive!!! I have not let him come home. He is living with his sister here in town and her hubby and kids. I told him min. a year, this way. That is IF I see changes, but if not, I'm not waiting around. I know I have no power. It is killing me but I'm standing my ground and basically waiting for him to hang himself and still praying for him he'll figure out he needs help.
We talk, I don't enable. I won't discuss reconciliation. I won't discuss his addiction. I won't get sucked in. We've seen each other a few times, always away from my home. I have told him that there will NOT be contact at my home, period, that it is my home now and I'm protecting my own interest. If he steps foot in my house, I know I'll not want him to walk out the door. It is myself I don't trust to not beg him to stay.
I have met some very supportive people in my neighbourhood who understand due to addiction affecting their loved ones. They are helping me find strength to do what I have to do.
I cannot however pretend I am not heartbroken and devestated. He has fixed the finances for the most part. Now it is just learning to live without him in my daily life. I miss him already. Perhaps it would be easier if he drank daily, I'd be so glad to be rid of it all. Since he's a binger, and often goes a LONG stretch without binging, it has been easy to pretend he is gaining control over this and getting well. When he IS home, we are much in love, very happy and have a wonderful life. This just feels like a hell of a kick in the ass.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Agree too! So sorry you are going through this but, making choices for yourself is the most important thing in life! His actions or anyone's for that matter I have learned always speak louder than words every will! Take care of you!Hang in there! Test out an Al-Anon meeting they are a great source of guidance....and SR well words cannot express SR you are here again right? That should say plenty! Keep posting and check out some more of the stickies at the top of the page!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 28
Thank you all, there's been so many changes and things to fix, I've just now been able to check in for your responses. I've had a few calls from him, confusing. One minute he isn't speaking to me from here on out, the next asking to "keep it light but stay in touch" .... read: Let me drink my face off and live my life without strings and keep your mouth shut and once in a while we can hang out, therefore I don't lose you from my life". Well umm ..... NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm continuing to stand my ground. Sadly, my phone number changes tomorrow. It was something I felt I had to do.
As for the question about counselling, I have had a couple of sessions and plan to continue with them. I missed 2 weeks straight with all the chaos of finances etc.
I will not miss my appointment next week and thereon out.
He dragged his heels picking up any of his things. I finally on Monday set a deadline of 1p.m. for his clothes. He came with his sister and brother in law and I handed over each and every article of clothing, his personal things, etc. Tonight his sister stopped by and I gave her all of his personal business related papers etc. I also did something I hope I don't regret. We have something we started early on in our relationship. We purchased a curio type cabinet that hangs on the wall, and we called it our "love cabinet". We purchased suprise things for each other , mostly pewter etc and they'd get snuck into the love cabinet. It held little love fairy's on a swing (we loved our outdoor swing together in the evenings), 2 love dog figurines, 2 seperate silver clocks that spelled out love, a pewter bride and groom in the just married car to symbolize a wedding in our future, etc etc. I sent with his sister tonight the entire cabinet and all of it's contents. I also sent all of our love cards we've given to each other over the years. It killed me having them here, looking at them. I couldn't bring myself to destroy them. This way if he throws them out I don't need to see and it isn't left up to me. We also had these gorgeous 3 wall hanging type things, 2 M's (we both have names starting with M) and the one for the middle was a heart. They were beautiful and I remember when we stumbled on them and I secretly purchased them. They hung beside our bed and have haunted me the past couple of weeks. I sent those along too. I don't know why exactly I sent them, I just couldn't bear seeing them, nor throwing them out.
All he has left here now are his tools and his guitar collection. I'm working on his sis coming to get them by the end of the week.
His calls are hurting me, when he's manipulative it hurts. When he gets honest it hurts because I know it doesn't last. Hearing his voice period hurts. I miss the good life we had when he wasn't screwing it up.
In the meantime I'm trying to not tear myself up or let myself fall apart. I have never loved this way, thought of anyone in my past that I wanted to grow old with this person etc. I really thought this was it for me, I still can't picture anyone else but him by my side old and gray. I'm trying to push those thoughts away, they can only hurt me and self inflicting pain by the "why's" or the "what if's" will just make matters worse. It's a struggle, I win some days or moments, others I lose.
I'm so grateful for this place to come. Typing this helped me not call him, I doubt I would have anyhow but it was tempting me. I need to be strong for me and for my children.
Thank you all again.
I'm continuing to stand my ground. Sadly, my phone number changes tomorrow. It was something I felt I had to do.
As for the question about counselling, I have had a couple of sessions and plan to continue with them. I missed 2 weeks straight with all the chaos of finances etc.
I will not miss my appointment next week and thereon out.
He dragged his heels picking up any of his things. I finally on Monday set a deadline of 1p.m. for his clothes. He came with his sister and brother in law and I handed over each and every article of clothing, his personal things, etc. Tonight his sister stopped by and I gave her all of his personal business related papers etc. I also did something I hope I don't regret. We have something we started early on in our relationship. We purchased a curio type cabinet that hangs on the wall, and we called it our "love cabinet". We purchased suprise things for each other , mostly pewter etc and they'd get snuck into the love cabinet. It held little love fairy's on a swing (we loved our outdoor swing together in the evenings), 2 love dog figurines, 2 seperate silver clocks that spelled out love, a pewter bride and groom in the just married car to symbolize a wedding in our future, etc etc. I sent with his sister tonight the entire cabinet and all of it's contents. I also sent all of our love cards we've given to each other over the years. It killed me having them here, looking at them. I couldn't bring myself to destroy them. This way if he throws them out I don't need to see and it isn't left up to me. We also had these gorgeous 3 wall hanging type things, 2 M's (we both have names starting with M) and the one for the middle was a heart. They were beautiful and I remember when we stumbled on them and I secretly purchased them. They hung beside our bed and have haunted me the past couple of weeks. I sent those along too. I don't know why exactly I sent them, I just couldn't bear seeing them, nor throwing them out.
All he has left here now are his tools and his guitar collection. I'm working on his sis coming to get them by the end of the week.
His calls are hurting me, when he's manipulative it hurts. When he gets honest it hurts because I know it doesn't last. Hearing his voice period hurts. I miss the good life we had when he wasn't screwing it up.
In the meantime I'm trying to not tear myself up or let myself fall apart. I have never loved this way, thought of anyone in my past that I wanted to grow old with this person etc. I really thought this was it for me, I still can't picture anyone else but him by my side old and gray. I'm trying to push those thoughts away, they can only hurt me and self inflicting pain by the "why's" or the "what if's" will just make matters worse. It's a struggle, I win some days or moments, others I lose.
I'm so grateful for this place to come. Typing this helped me not call him, I doubt I would have anyhow but it was tempting me. I need to be strong for me and for my children.
Thank you all again.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I am glad you have not made that call. Do something good for yourself take a warm bath or do your nails or a facial. The more you do for yourself the better right now. Be gentle with yourself. School will be back in soon I guess you can focus on that if your kids are old enough
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 28
Ty splendra ... I am definitly looking forward to concentrating on getting the kids back in school. I could really use the free time when they are gone to just do things for me, evenings can be filled with dinner, homework etc. Once the kids are sleeping it seems so quiet around here. That's when it is tough.
Today I did something for myself, well with my daughter. Just some mom and daughter time, spent a few hours out and about. It was nice.
I have it on pretty good authority that he's drinking as I type this with his brother in law at a local place. I should be suprised right? Considering he is back to wanting to fix this and make it better. Sadly, I am not the least suprised.
Today I did something for myself, well with my daughter. Just some mom and daughter time, spent a few hours out and about. It was nice.
I have it on pretty good authority that he's drinking as I type this with his brother in law at a local place. I should be suprised right? Considering he is back to wanting to fix this and make it better. Sadly, I am not the least suprised.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
96Tears
How true. Once we get burned so bad that but for the grace of God we recover from it, we NEVER want to have that kind of person in our lives again. They come with way too much heavy baggage and try to dump it on us.
I will never date someone who drinks or drugs ever again.
How true. Once we get burned so bad that but for the grace of God we recover from it, we NEVER want to have that kind of person in our lives again. They come with way too much heavy baggage and try to dump it on us.
I will never date someone who drinks or drugs ever again.
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