DII

Anyone experience the same feelings?

I am ready to move on with my AW. She is in an apartment, still struggling with recovery, and I want a formal split. It's been 5 years and I coming to realize that I need to move on. I am really struggling with resentment over splitting half of our "stuff" and having to change my my life. I have struggled but been successful in my career, despite her sporadically working, going to detox and rehab etc. It kills me that I will have to give her half of everything and sell our house. Part of the reason I have maintained the separation as it is is that it has prolonged the need to "split". I know this sounds selfish but it is killing me. I know in the long run I will be happier and that the longer I prolong the process, the harder it will be.

Just wanted to vent.

sunshine321

I just wanted to say that I understand resentment fully and completely. I also understand your resentment regarding selling your home and spliting everything with someone who you feel doesn't deserve half. I'm sorry you are going through that but you are right that you will be happier in the long run. It's just a long hard road to get to the other side. I am not at that point yet, but I feel it coming. I have to tear up another family and take care of my little ones alone. It's going to be scary and painful but I know it will be better for all of us in the end. The resentment for me comes from him putting me in the position that I have to make this choice because he won't make a choice to get sober for himself.

Jenny

Astro

I'm an alcoholic, my ex got the home and it's a resentment that still pops up now and then, but being in recovery and embracing a 12-Step program relieves me of anger and resentments. Al-Anon meetings helped me to understand my part too.

parentrecovers

i know it's hard, dii. remember - it's just "stuff". blessings, k

laurie6781

Dii you may not have to lose your home. Talk to a good divorce attorney. Yes Calif is a community property state, however, you can request to buy her out of her 1/2 of the equity in monthly installments AND that the installments not start until she can prove to the court she has been clean and sober X amount of months (6 to 9 months comes to mind) so as not to enable her addiction.

A good divorce attorney can help you with this and may even be able to get you the house without payments.

Don't give up hope. In this respect of "Family Law", Calif has had some pretty strange rulings, lol

So............................talk to a good divorce attorney, you may be pleasantly surprised.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Lady BlueMiles

I've struggled for so long with resentment and the pain of losing stuff too. But as time goes on "our stuff" is getting less and less important to me. My dream is peace and serenity.

I know I can't take it all, have it all, support it all. I'm trying to plan ahead for when I can leave, without feeling like I'm a destitute refugee LOL and will have just enough "stuff" to provide me with simple aesthetics and creature comforts of home.

My new motto is downsize and simplify. When I'm finally on my own if I decide I want more stuff the stores sell stuff everyday. I can acutally see it being rewarding to buy and enjoy my own "stuff" in the future.

keepingmyjoy

DII--Same boat here....leaving...for peace and sanity. Will walk away from house and stuff....

I am no looking forward to splitting stuff, but will do it all one step at a time.

Hang in there.

kj21

It is all worth it to lose stuff to lose the emotions with it. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but looking back I just wish I had done it sooner. It gave me peace and the feeling of accompishment and I was proud of what i had done! I think the trick is you must not be in love with them anymore.

lillamy

Look at it this way: It's just STUFF, you know?

When I'm looking at divorce, I'm looking at splitting half of his debt. The credit card bills he's run up on booze.

It hurts, sure. But it's either that or wait for them to get hit by a bus so you get the whole enchilada. And I think maybe the freedom is worth losing the stuff. (((dii)))

LisaWayne

and remember.... bus drivers are very cautious these days...

Wascally Wabbit

Listen, stuff can be replaced. Your peace, however is something you must work on daily. You can gain your peace and your sanity back.

It looks like the more you prolong a slit, the longer you will be attached to the alcoholic who obviously isn't getting better.

Do what is good for you. Either your stuff is important or your sanity is.

embraced2000

lisawayne.....LOLOLOLOLO1111

NOW, THAT WAS FUNNY!!!

ewwwww, resentments. they still pop up for me occasionally. i was so fixated on getting the ole red work truck (1976 gmc, for god's sake), that i could barely think straight.

i wanted him to have nothing because he had been such hell on wheels, and it never mattered what he wound up with, because he always left it in some ditch somewhere....no kidding.

so i fought him for that danged ole truck. course it was easy to get an alkie to sign off on the title.....offered him 50.00 to do it. i got the truck, for sure.

it has now sat idle in my back yard, the windshield got shot with a bb gun, the tires are all flat....slow air leaks on all of them.....and i never started it up.

i gave it to my son, who did some minor repairs, and sold it for 300.00. so it is gone.

point is, i got what i wanted, but no good came of it. i only wanted it because i didn't want him to have it. he was sick, so i manipulated him and got it.

it would have done him so much more good than i got out of it.

and i must add, that everytime i looked at the truck, i felt like i was about to cough up chicken feathers.