aGrandma

I am so stressed out every day - my AH is very upset and depressed and has said a few times lately he wants to die. He cries almost every night. He has pain in his shoulders - chronic pain - which is the "reason" for his drinking. He gets angry and tired of being in pain...he drinks way too much - every day for years he has. I am upset all the time, especially every evening/night when he is drinking, drinking, drinking until he passes out. Often he cries as he is going to sleep.
I don't know what to do, I don't know who to turn to for help! His MD? AA? I am not a doctor but I feel the weight of the world on me because he won't seek help for himself. He just feels sorry for himself and I am the only person who hears it.
Can any of you offer any advice? Is this a common thing?
I honestly don't know what came first, the chicken or the egg - the pain he feels or the alcoholism...the pain or the depression...is his drinking caused by his pain? Is that really the only relief he gets?
I tell him he has to stop drinking and take care of his pain other ways. He thinks he knows that doctors will say/do/think before even asking them or being honest with them.
I have anxiety disorder myself and I am terrified and nauseous all the time. I told him I would divorce him if he doesn't stop drinking and he laid a big guilt trip on me about that.....Please help me. =-(

DesertEyes

Hi there Grandma, welcome back

I am so sorry you are going thru this. I remember you posted something similar just a few months back. Here's the suggestion people gave you then.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ll-you-do.html

Have you been to any meetings of Al-anon? They are wonderful people and they have helped me in so many ways. Here is where you can find meetings

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

They are also in your phone book and you can call them right now.

I'm glad you're back, I'd been wondering how you were doing.

Mike

aGrandma

Thanks Mike - for the kind words and for thinking of me, and the links! I will check them out now.

Grasshopper

Hi,personally i would tell his Dr,about this too,{talking suicide}as well as going to Al-anon.

Taking5

I medicated with alcohol, but when I would go on the wagon I was in terrible pain from alcohol-related gout, amongst other things. After a week or so my system would get better and the pain would go away.

I would stay sober for a while then go out and get drunk. Then repeat the sobering up routine. I did this several times before I quit - hopefully for good - 5 months ago.

I have not had the joint pain (gout) since the first week of my sobriety.

So I do not know what is causing his pain, by it could be alcohol itself contributing to it. Has he ever gone a month without drinking? Or for that matter it could be totally unrelated to his drinking and treatable. In either case he should see his Dr.

aGrandma

I have never heard of alcohol related gout!!
He has not gone one day without drinking for many years. Not one day. So would that be an issue or do you have to be withdrawing in order to get it?
And is it just in certain joints?
I know what gout is, my coworker has it and my father does too. It's in their big toe mainly. My husband's is only in his shoulders.
Thanks for mentioning that.

WhatAboutME

If he truly has "chronic" pain, he needs to see a Pain Management Specialist to get it under control. No one should have to be in true physical pain everyday.

JMO, but if he hasn't gone a single day w/out drinking in years, he probably should be medically detoxed where he can be safely monitored and medicated/sedated to get through the first 3-5 days.