Full Circle
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Full Circle
I don't know about most of you, but I do know why I'm a codie. It was based at the age of 4. Through emotional, physical and sexual abuse. It was ingrained in my head at that early age, that I was less than, that no one loved me, that I was irrelivent. My life began trying to please my parents, trying to make them love me. At the ripe old age of 6, I had already developed a mechanism for survival. I became a codie. I strove to make everyone around me happy any way I could. By the age of 8, I might as well have been a 50 year old woman. I would take on adults problems and obsess about them until I could find a solution. When I would do this, I would get a temporary burst of pride or affection from those that I wanted so desperately to love me. But it was always temporary, until the next catastrophy that they needed my help on.
The cycle continued into my teen years. I never played as a child, I was never allowed to have any toys, even something as simple as a doll. All I ever knew was adult responsibility. My whole life had one purpose, do for others so they will love me. I actually was happy when things went wrong for people, I would get excited, it meant that here was another opportunity to shine, to prove myself, that I was lovable, that I was worth while, that there was a purpose and a meaning for my life.
Obviously I didn't see this about myself then, but I do now. I understand now, why I am the way I am. I know my situation was the extream, but I wonder sometimes how many codies problems originated from some form of abuse as a child.
I'm very open with my feelings, things that happened to me, it's how I have found to live with them finely. Not allowing secrets to hold onto my life any more, that's how I cope. But how many out there still hold those secrets? Shame, fear, denial, depression over ugly ugly secrets. A bandaid to cover it up is to do things for the people we love, either to be loved or to make dang sure they never have to experience any pain, after all, I don't want the people I love, especially my kids, to ever experience pain like I did. So I go to the extream, I try to protect them from any pain, any life experiance that in truth, would help them grow.
So the cycle for my kids, is just the opposite from mine. I didn't allow them to fall, I didn't allow them to experience any pain. Something went wrong at school, mom stepped up and took care of it. They got in a car accident, mom was right there in court fighting for their "wrong". Never allowing them to learn to really take care of themselves. So now as adults, they struggle with being able to function on their own.
My codieness carried on in my adult relationships. You really can't imagine what it felt like the first time a man loved me. (rather what I thought loved me). I can't really explain in words the pure joy. Someone actually loved ME. They had me, hook, line and sinker. From that day forward, I would do anything for them no matter what they had done to me. They loved me. That is all that mattered. Irronically, I would stay in the relationship no matter how bad the abuse would become. You would think that the abusive childhood would make me run, but instead in a strange comforting way, it felt comfortable, it was familiar territory. I knew how to deal with that, do more for them, MAKE them love me again. When it failed after years of giving of myself, it destroyed me. It took me to the depths of despair. I had given everything and was left with nothing but myself again.
When I came to SR, I had reached the lowest level of my life, and believe me, after all I have experienced, that was a low I don't wish on anyone. Through the 12 steps I learned things about myself. For the first time in my life, I had to take a real hard look at myself and why I am the way I am. It has been a learning, frightening, sad, hard trip into my past. It has opened my eyes. I could not change the past, but I could change my future. It answered my "why's", not why someone else did what they did, but why I did what I did. Why I kept doing it over and over. Learning to accept the things I can not change, change the thing I can, and learning to know the difference, took on a whole new meaning for me in my life. It didn't just encompass the things that were currently happening, it encompassed my whole life. Letting go of the past, accepting it for what it was, knowing I couldn't change it, but also knowing, I COULD change the future.
Becomming a codie served a very important role in my life, it acted as a self preservation to protect me from pain, then it became a sourse of my pain. Changing it is now the challenge.
So I have come full circle. I am back to that age of 4, just a whole lot older and a whole lot wiser. I know the problem, I know where it started. That's where I have to start. Letting it all go, forgiving them, forgiving myself, making my ammends to those that I have wronged. Making amends to myself for not being ME. For being what I thought everyone wanted me to be.
SR brought me through my lowest point in life. But what it really did for me wasn't to make everything go away and all better, it brought me right back to the beginning, where it all began, so that I can face that horrible monster and deal with the problem instead of running from it. It's helped me to grow and finely after 40+ years, it's helped me to find some of that love I always craved, I'm starting to find a little bit of it in myself. It doesn't make the problems go away, but knowing what the problem is, that's half the battle. Taking that first step to change it, that's what SR helps me to do.
I am powerless over others and what they do or don't do, I am not powerless over what I do or don't do. I have the ability to change.
B
The cycle continued into my teen years. I never played as a child, I was never allowed to have any toys, even something as simple as a doll. All I ever knew was adult responsibility. My whole life had one purpose, do for others so they will love me. I actually was happy when things went wrong for people, I would get excited, it meant that here was another opportunity to shine, to prove myself, that I was lovable, that I was worth while, that there was a purpose and a meaning for my life.
Obviously I didn't see this about myself then, but I do now. I understand now, why I am the way I am. I know my situation was the extream, but I wonder sometimes how many codies problems originated from some form of abuse as a child.
I'm very open with my feelings, things that happened to me, it's how I have found to live with them finely. Not allowing secrets to hold onto my life any more, that's how I cope. But how many out there still hold those secrets? Shame, fear, denial, depression over ugly ugly secrets. A bandaid to cover it up is to do things for the people we love, either to be loved or to make dang sure they never have to experience any pain, after all, I don't want the people I love, especially my kids, to ever experience pain like I did. So I go to the extream, I try to protect them from any pain, any life experiance that in truth, would help them grow.
So the cycle for my kids, is just the opposite from mine. I didn't allow them to fall, I didn't allow them to experience any pain. Something went wrong at school, mom stepped up and took care of it. They got in a car accident, mom was right there in court fighting for their "wrong". Never allowing them to learn to really take care of themselves. So now as adults, they struggle with being able to function on their own.
My codieness carried on in my adult relationships. You really can't imagine what it felt like the first time a man loved me. (rather what I thought loved me). I can't really explain in words the pure joy. Someone actually loved ME. They had me, hook, line and sinker. From that day forward, I would do anything for them no matter what they had done to me. They loved me. That is all that mattered. Irronically, I would stay in the relationship no matter how bad the abuse would become. You would think that the abusive childhood would make me run, but instead in a strange comforting way, it felt comfortable, it was familiar territory. I knew how to deal with that, do more for them, MAKE them love me again. When it failed after years of giving of myself, it destroyed me. It took me to the depths of despair. I had given everything and was left with nothing but myself again.
When I came to SR, I had reached the lowest level of my life, and believe me, after all I have experienced, that was a low I don't wish on anyone. Through the 12 steps I learned things about myself. For the first time in my life, I had to take a real hard look at myself and why I am the way I am. It has been a learning, frightening, sad, hard trip into my past. It has opened my eyes. I could not change the past, but I could change my future. It answered my "why's", not why someone else did what they did, but why I did what I did. Why I kept doing it over and over. Learning to accept the things I can not change, change the thing I can, and learning to know the difference, took on a whole new meaning for me in my life. It didn't just encompass the things that were currently happening, it encompassed my whole life. Letting go of the past, accepting it for what it was, knowing I couldn't change it, but also knowing, I COULD change the future.
Becomming a codie served a very important role in my life, it acted as a self preservation to protect me from pain, then it became a sourse of my pain. Changing it is now the challenge.
So I have come full circle. I am back to that age of 4, just a whole lot older and a whole lot wiser. I know the problem, I know where it started. That's where I have to start. Letting it all go, forgiving them, forgiving myself, making my ammends to those that I have wronged. Making amends to myself for not being ME. For being what I thought everyone wanted me to be.
SR brought me through my lowest point in life. But what it really did for me wasn't to make everything go away and all better, it brought me right back to the beginning, where it all began, so that I can face that horrible monster and deal with the problem instead of running from it. It's helped me to grow and finely after 40+ years, it's helped me to find some of that love I always craved, I'm starting to find a little bit of it in myself. It doesn't make the problems go away, but knowing what the problem is, that's half the battle. Taking that first step to change it, that's what SR helps me to do.
I am powerless over others and what they do or don't do, I am not powerless over what I do or don't do. I have the ability to change.
B
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Wow Frankly, you have a way of hitting me right between the eyes!
I’ve been thinking on the same terms…what happened to get me here? And more importantly, whats happening to get me to the proverbial “there”, a place I want to be, and deserve to be.
I can’t hold a candle to what you’ve described. I wasn’t abused as a child. In fact, I was very loved. But for some reason my way to “please” was to worry like an adult at a very young age. I have a brother a year older that excelled at everything. So, my “talent” became being the responsible one, never asking for anything, always feeling like I wasn’t supposed to intrude or take advantage. My parents were the “perfect” parents, my Dad a rock.
When I met my ex, I “decided” that we would be like them. That it was just something you declared. When he stepped out and fell in love with another woman, leaving me with two babies and one on the way, I knew I had failed at the one thing my parents depended on me for…a life like theirs.
So I built a fortress around my kids. It was me and them that would get through all the bad stuff in life. They are the ones that kept me going. I held on tight and never let go. Not even as they grew and deserved the chance to learn life’s lessons themselves. I was now the rock, and I was not going to let life kick them around. And oh, like you I THRIVED on solving the biggest of problems. Not just for them, but for anyone I cared about.
I’m just getting to know me…and yes, part of that is the little girl who lived to please. I’m happy that I’m successful, independent, but I want to know “who” I am, not “what” I am these days. Seems not many can see past the what.
I trained them well.
Thanks for the chance to say these things out loud.
I love ya Frankly
(((Hugs)))
Cece
I’ve been thinking on the same terms…what happened to get me here? And more importantly, whats happening to get me to the proverbial “there”, a place I want to be, and deserve to be.
I can’t hold a candle to what you’ve described. I wasn’t abused as a child. In fact, I was very loved. But for some reason my way to “please” was to worry like an adult at a very young age. I have a brother a year older that excelled at everything. So, my “talent” became being the responsible one, never asking for anything, always feeling like I wasn’t supposed to intrude or take advantage. My parents were the “perfect” parents, my Dad a rock.
When I met my ex, I “decided” that we would be like them. That it was just something you declared. When he stepped out and fell in love with another woman, leaving me with two babies and one on the way, I knew I had failed at the one thing my parents depended on me for…a life like theirs.
So I built a fortress around my kids. It was me and them that would get through all the bad stuff in life. They are the ones that kept me going. I held on tight and never let go. Not even as they grew and deserved the chance to learn life’s lessons themselves. I was now the rock, and I was not going to let life kick them around. And oh, like you I THRIVED on solving the biggest of problems. Not just for them, but for anyone I cared about.
I’m just getting to know me…and yes, part of that is the little girl who lived to please. I’m happy that I’m successful, independent, but I want to know “who” I am, not “what” I am these days. Seems not many can see past the what.
I trained them well.
Thanks for the chance to say these things out loud.
I love ya Frankly
(((Hugs)))
Cece
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Wow, what a powerful post. Thanks for sharing.
I also have reached this point, the point of wanting to know how in the world I got to this point in my life, and I have also started looking back.
My counselor pointed me to a book titled 'Bradshaw on the Family' by John Bradshaw, that has helped me start to understand the dynamics of family and how we are all affected and don't even know it.
Again, thanks for sharing. My prayer is that all of us will be able to come full circle and rediscover the person that our Creator intended for us to be.
((((hugs))))
I also have reached this point, the point of wanting to know how in the world I got to this point in my life, and I have also started looking back.
My counselor pointed me to a book titled 'Bradshaw on the Family' by John Bradshaw, that has helped me start to understand the dynamics of family and how we are all affected and don't even know it.
Again, thanks for sharing. My prayer is that all of us will be able to come full circle and rediscover the person that our Creator intended for us to be.
((((hugs))))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Great post...awesome recovery, Frankly...Truly!!
I'm so sorry that you were abused as a child. The fact that you survived all that and become such a loving, compassionate human being is a true testament to the human spirit and it's ability to survive and even flourish despite hardship. Yes, its important, I think, to figure out WHY we do what we do if we're going to change the future but my gosh, girl, be proud of yourself in the process. Be proud of yourself for surviving such a difficult childhood. Most of all, be proud of your willingness to examine your past in the light of day and learn from it. Most people wouldn't do this...most people would continue to flounder around, doing things the same way they've always done them. You show alot of courage and strength...hold your head high and bask in the sunlight!!!!
I wasn't abused. I was so blessed. I come from a loving family and I have two awesome parents. My dad, who I love dearly, is an alcoholic. He hit his bottom when I was about 14 years old. My mom stuck by his side. She was the rock of our family. My dad found recovery and my parents have been happily married for 58 years.
I see, looking back, that I stayed in a marriage ruled by addiction because I wanted what my parents have. I thought that I too could be the rock of the family and that eventually, with enough patience and prayer, my exah would also find recovery. I thought I was giving my son the same gift that my parents gave me...a loving, stable home life and family.
Sadly, my exah's addiction to drugs, alcohol and, at certain points, gambling, was far more extreme than anything my father experienced. I don't know where my exah's bottom lies, but its clearly at a point much further down than I could have ever imagined. Its certainly alot worse than my dad's.
Once I realized that I was trying to do what my mom had done...and I acknowledged that the cirumstances I faced with my exah were much more dire than the ones my mom had to overcome with my dad, I let myself off the hook. I stopped trying to be the rock of the family and focused, instead, on reality. I realized that I wasn't giving my son a 'gift'. There was no stable, loving home life with an active addict. I wasn't doing him any favors by staying. I had to leave if I was going to give him a stable, loving home to grow up in. It took me a long time, however, to stop looking back...to stop feeling guilty...that I couldn't give my son the one thing I wanted him to have the most in this world...a childhood like the one I was fortunate enough to have.
I'm raising my son as a single mom...something so foreign to me...and yet, I must be doing something right because he's flourishing right now. He's happy and living in a home not much different than the one I grew up in. The only difference is there's just ONE parent in the picture. I'm not sure what impact this will have on him in the future but all I can do is try my best and trust that my HP will fill in any holes that might be left in my son's life due to his father's addiction.
Yep...we do have to look back...and examine where we've been before we can really move forward in recovery.
Great post...thanks for letting me think this thing thru with you...
(((((((frankly))))))))
I'm so sorry that you were abused as a child. The fact that you survived all that and become such a loving, compassionate human being is a true testament to the human spirit and it's ability to survive and even flourish despite hardship. Yes, its important, I think, to figure out WHY we do what we do if we're going to change the future but my gosh, girl, be proud of yourself in the process. Be proud of yourself for surviving such a difficult childhood. Most of all, be proud of your willingness to examine your past in the light of day and learn from it. Most people wouldn't do this...most people would continue to flounder around, doing things the same way they've always done them. You show alot of courage and strength...hold your head high and bask in the sunlight!!!!
I wasn't abused. I was so blessed. I come from a loving family and I have two awesome parents. My dad, who I love dearly, is an alcoholic. He hit his bottom when I was about 14 years old. My mom stuck by his side. She was the rock of our family. My dad found recovery and my parents have been happily married for 58 years.
I see, looking back, that I stayed in a marriage ruled by addiction because I wanted what my parents have. I thought that I too could be the rock of the family and that eventually, with enough patience and prayer, my exah would also find recovery. I thought I was giving my son the same gift that my parents gave me...a loving, stable home life and family.
Sadly, my exah's addiction to drugs, alcohol and, at certain points, gambling, was far more extreme than anything my father experienced. I don't know where my exah's bottom lies, but its clearly at a point much further down than I could have ever imagined. Its certainly alot worse than my dad's.
Once I realized that I was trying to do what my mom had done...and I acknowledged that the cirumstances I faced with my exah were much more dire than the ones my mom had to overcome with my dad, I let myself off the hook. I stopped trying to be the rock of the family and focused, instead, on reality. I realized that I wasn't giving my son a 'gift'. There was no stable, loving home life with an active addict. I wasn't doing him any favors by staying. I had to leave if I was going to give him a stable, loving home to grow up in. It took me a long time, however, to stop looking back...to stop feeling guilty...that I couldn't give my son the one thing I wanted him to have the most in this world...a childhood like the one I was fortunate enough to have.
I'm raising my son as a single mom...something so foreign to me...and yet, I must be doing something right because he's flourishing right now. He's happy and living in a home not much different than the one I grew up in. The only difference is there's just ONE parent in the picture. I'm not sure what impact this will have on him in the future but all I can do is try my best and trust that my HP will fill in any holes that might be left in my son's life due to his father's addiction.
Yep...we do have to look back...and examine where we've been before we can really move forward in recovery.
Great post...thanks for letting me think this thing thru with you...
(((((((frankly))))))))
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Frankly...You really do have such an incredible knack for finding the words that so eloquently and powerfully bring things home. I am so sorry for all you have been through...it is horrible that children have to deal with such pain…That’s one of the things in life I struggle to understand (and surrendered to thinking I could). You are amazingly strong in your recovery and a wonderful, loving woman and mom. I'm so happy that you are finding the ways to come full circle.
I am very grateful that my childhood had much love and happiness. My parents did the best they could do and I was surrounded by siblings who shared the good and the not so good. But there were dark secrets in my life too...My mom's alcoholism was at an extreme in the second half of my growing up years and it was never, ever mentioned. I thought not speaking the unspeakable was the way it was supposed to be. I covered up for her and kept my silence and did everything I could do to be the good child, the perfect one. Fortunately, she found recovery in time to enjoy her grandchildren and the second half of her life. I really never understood the disease until my daughter's addiction. I regret the anger and resentment I carried within myself during her active years and that I never really had the opportunity to let her know how much I appreciated her hard work to beat the disease. She died before I learned enough to know this is a family disease. But fortunately, we had many wonderful years before her death and I know she knows how very much I love her.
I experienced sexual abuse at the hands of someone who should have been protecting me at an age (pre-adolescent) where I think it made a huge impact in terms of self esteem, how I handled relationships, etc. It was another deep dark secret and fear was planted in me that if I told, bad things would happen to those I cared about. It certainly made me feel less than and undeserving. I felt that I should know a way to make it stop and I carried guilt for so long that I did not...it was only death that stopped it. Recovery here and in the rooms is the only thing that helped that dark secret to come out, although still, no one but I knows what or who, etc. For now I am okay with that and am not sure if I still need to work through that or not. My 4th step work is helping. I was fortunate not to have many bad relationships in my life as far as abuse after that, but I have had a pattern of accepting less than what I should...of continuing to do things to keep peace, to please anyone but myself.
I am glad that my relationship with my kids has been one of open communication and not hiding feelings. But I think I have always been the rock and the protector. I know I did not let them fly on their own...well I would let them fly, but when they crashed, I would rebuild everything and fix it all. I should have just provided the support without the action...let them learn. That is still hard for me and loosing one makes it more of a challenge to not be overly protective of the other. I still have work to do there but I am learning to be proud of the steps I have taken. The things that happened to me, my ability to accept less than...those are things I try to convey to my daughter that she should not accept in her own life. I see that she realizes that by her decision to get out of the relationship she was in, despite the obstacles he continues to put in her path. She has a strength in her young years that I never possessed and for that I am so grateful.
I have a mental list of things I want in life...things I need to address to feel that I am living the life I want to live. I am still struggling with how to make that happen...I have a lot of dreams and a lot of things that I think are fantasies but truly could be reality if I have the strength to see them through. Working my program is helping one step at a time.
Thank you for this thread. I hope and pray that we all find the peace, the joy and the love that we all deserve. Hugs
I am very grateful that my childhood had much love and happiness. My parents did the best they could do and I was surrounded by siblings who shared the good and the not so good. But there were dark secrets in my life too...My mom's alcoholism was at an extreme in the second half of my growing up years and it was never, ever mentioned. I thought not speaking the unspeakable was the way it was supposed to be. I covered up for her and kept my silence and did everything I could do to be the good child, the perfect one. Fortunately, she found recovery in time to enjoy her grandchildren and the second half of her life. I really never understood the disease until my daughter's addiction. I regret the anger and resentment I carried within myself during her active years and that I never really had the opportunity to let her know how much I appreciated her hard work to beat the disease. She died before I learned enough to know this is a family disease. But fortunately, we had many wonderful years before her death and I know she knows how very much I love her.
I experienced sexual abuse at the hands of someone who should have been protecting me at an age (pre-adolescent) where I think it made a huge impact in terms of self esteem, how I handled relationships, etc. It was another deep dark secret and fear was planted in me that if I told, bad things would happen to those I cared about. It certainly made me feel less than and undeserving. I felt that I should know a way to make it stop and I carried guilt for so long that I did not...it was only death that stopped it. Recovery here and in the rooms is the only thing that helped that dark secret to come out, although still, no one but I knows what or who, etc. For now I am okay with that and am not sure if I still need to work through that or not. My 4th step work is helping. I was fortunate not to have many bad relationships in my life as far as abuse after that, but I have had a pattern of accepting less than what I should...of continuing to do things to keep peace, to please anyone but myself.
I am glad that my relationship with my kids has been one of open communication and not hiding feelings. But I think I have always been the rock and the protector. I know I did not let them fly on their own...well I would let them fly, but when they crashed, I would rebuild everything and fix it all. I should have just provided the support without the action...let them learn. That is still hard for me and loosing one makes it more of a challenge to not be overly protective of the other. I still have work to do there but I am learning to be proud of the steps I have taken. The things that happened to me, my ability to accept less than...those are things I try to convey to my daughter that she should not accept in her own life. I see that she realizes that by her decision to get out of the relationship she was in, despite the obstacles he continues to put in her path. She has a strength in her young years that I never possessed and for that I am so grateful.
I have a mental list of things I want in life...things I need to address to feel that I am living the life I want to live. I am still struggling with how to make that happen...I have a lot of dreams and a lot of things that I think are fantasies but truly could be reality if I have the strength to see them through. Working my program is helping one step at a time.
Thank you for this thread. I hope and pray that we all find the peace, the joy and the love that we all deserve. Hugs
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Thank You all, I only know what brought me to where I am, I know that living in the past is not an option. But for me, addressing the past and working on putting it to rest, I realize now, is a neccessity. It's something I have to do to move forward.
((Out))
You are a wonderful mom. I too was a single parent to my three kids. Sure I was married to Mike (not their dad), but I wanted that June Clever life for them, it wasn't meant to be.
((CeCe))
I've been trying to figure out who I am now for a very long time. That actually brought me to my thoughts that I posted above, I've had a road block. I couldn't for the life of me figure out who I was and what really would make me happy. I don't think I can figure that out until I address my past and really put it to bed.
((Greet))
We are kindrid spirits. Your relationship with your daughter, mirrors my own. I so very much admire you, what you've faced and overcome, the strength that your daughter has now, comes from having such a wonderful mom.
B
((Out))
You are a wonderful mom. I too was a single parent to my three kids. Sure I was married to Mike (not their dad), but I wanted that June Clever life for them, it wasn't meant to be.
((CeCe))
I've been trying to figure out who I am now for a very long time. That actually brought me to my thoughts that I posted above, I've had a road block. I couldn't for the life of me figure out who I was and what really would make me happy. I don't think I can figure that out until I address my past and really put it to bed.
((Greet))
We are kindrid spirits. Your relationship with your daughter, mirrors my own. I so very much admire you, what you've faced and overcome, the strength that your daughter has now, comes from having such a wonderful mom.
B
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Frankly, it's good to revisit what needs to be processed because once you have dealt with it, you can leave it behind. You have the recovery tools to do that safely, just don't forget to come up for air if it becomes overwhelming.
Thanks for such an inspiring post and for all the light you shine here every day.
Hugs
Thanks for such an inspiring post and for all the light you shine here every day.
Hugs
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Ann)) It's time. It's something that I feel I have to do. It started with searching my soul and making amends with people I have done wrong. I kept comming up with all the bad feelings toward people. I do have the tools, I'm stronger than I've ever been. Yes my friend, it is time.
((Hangin))
Progress, not perfection. Hugs.
B
((Hangin))
Progress, not perfection. Hugs.
B
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 52
Frankly, our lives seem to have been very similiar. It is only recently through therapy that I was able to see how the emotional, physical and sexual abuse I suffered as a child at the hands of those that I thought I could trust, has brought me to where I am now, a codie. Only through your post was I reminded what I was like as a child--a small adult trying to help my parents' problems and striving so hard to be the teacher's pet year after year. I was a codie even then...thanks for your post, it was very helpful to me today when I needed it.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Wascally)) Hugs
((Book)) I forgot about the teachers pet thing. Oh lord, that was a memory that I've stuffed down. At 16 years old I had my first willing sexual experience with my then 32 year old science teacher, at the school no less. I thought I was in love, he played on my emotional needs and took advantage. I let him. I always felt guilt as an adult for not reporting our "meetings". I knew he was doing the same thing to other girls, I know now he's a pediphile who probably still teaches there. No one would ever believe me though. Maybe that is one amends that I should try to do something about, I don't know if I should, or if I should let it go, it was 28 years ago.
B
((Book)) I forgot about the teachers pet thing. Oh lord, that was a memory that I've stuffed down. At 16 years old I had my first willing sexual experience with my then 32 year old science teacher, at the school no less. I thought I was in love, he played on my emotional needs and took advantage. I let him. I always felt guilt as an adult for not reporting our "meetings". I knew he was doing the same thing to other girls, I know now he's a pediphile who probably still teaches there. No one would ever believe me though. Maybe that is one amends that I should try to do something about, I don't know if I should, or if I should let it go, it was 28 years ago.
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Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Frankly,
We have some striking similarities in our lives. It's awesome to read how you have learned about your past, processed it, and how you are working your program of recovery which benefits you AND your child.
I have spent the past 8-10 years uncovering pieces of my past. My sponsor told me it was like peeling away the layers of an onion... and that more will be revealed. I am so thankful for Al Anon, which has given me the tools to deal with what I discover along the way. Most importantly, for me, is to remember that what happened was just what happened... it isn't what defines me. It was just something that happened.
Thanks so much for sharing!
Hugs
Cats
We have some striking similarities in our lives. It's awesome to read how you have learned about your past, processed it, and how you are working your program of recovery which benefits you AND your child.
I have spent the past 8-10 years uncovering pieces of my past. My sponsor told me it was like peeling away the layers of an onion... and that more will be revealed. I am so thankful for Al Anon, which has given me the tools to deal with what I discover along the way. Most importantly, for me, is to remember that what happened was just what happened... it isn't what defines me. It was just something that happened.
Thanks so much for sharing!
Hugs
Cats
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Cat)) It's amazing isn't it, how so many of us experience similar things, and how the program can work in so many aspects of our lives.
((Marle))
Mingled with the pain, has been some wonderful things, each pile of crap that has been dumped on me eventually became fertalizer for beautiful things. Thank You.
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((Marle))
Mingled with the pain, has been some wonderful things, each pile of crap that has been dumped on me eventually became fertalizer for beautiful things. Thank You.
B
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